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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be stressed and shocked at being possibly pregnant?

434 replies

bellabreeze · 16/11/2012 17:58

I feel like I might be pregnant. I have 8 DCs (yes, eight!!!) I do keep a positive attitude and cope very well but I am kind of thinking 'oh my god 9 kids!!?' I feel overwhelmed!!! Its not that I would hate to have another child but I feel so shocked and strange about having 9 kids! Its only 1 more but it is so close to 10...

This post doesn't really make much sense I am just overwhelmed

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 17/11/2012 01:13

Rhonda You know what?

If you can afford it and are happy with what you spend then who am I to tell you that you shouldnt? Feeling a bit Blush now, as you are clearly ok with what you eat and what you spend!

Happy to help if you would like to shave it a bit, but dont feel that you should just because I said so :)

Bogeyface · 17/11/2012 01:13

Bella

Boiling it, picking off the last bits of meat and then reboiling?! :o

Bogeyface · 17/11/2012 01:20

Thats not good Worra :(

Mine ask "Do you want to go out....[cheesy grin]" because they want the Sky box to themselves! They have even offered to do it for nothing before now, so that they can take over the lounge!

I am very aware of taking advantage, in fact I have the Duggars [growls] to thank for that. When I was having DD3 I saw one of the early Duggar shows (pre-big house and paid help) and saw the list of "jurisdictions" which was a sheaf of post-its for each child. I swore then that no child of mine, no matter how many I had, would be expected to do their parents jobs. I have stuck to that. They have one chore each, as I did as a child when there was only me and my sister, and have to take their clean washing and put it away. Thats it.

They dont wash floors, or make dinner or mow the lawn etc.

BridgetBidet · 17/11/2012 01:40

Worra I disagree strongly.

My husband is one of 5 from a poor Irish family who worked their arses off to send them to Uni and their mother educated them from nappies to read and write better than about 90% of mothers. They had a hugely happy childhood and are well balanced decent grown ups with good jobs.

I was one of two in a middle class family and my life was frankly shite.

You can't say 'Oh I'm from a big family so big families are shit' or 'I'm from a small family, small families are shit'.

If OP is a good mum family size is irrelevant.

AmberSocks · 17/11/2012 01:55

There are some studies that show kids born close together into big families are more at risk of depression or something,i read it in an oliver james book,im hoping hes wrong though because i have 4 aged 4 and under!

I think it just depends on the person,the kids and the support you have.I only had one half brother 7 years younger than me but i hated my childhood,mostly because my mum was moody all the time and had no patience.My dh was one of 5 and had a great time!These are the reasons we both want a large family.

OP,i hope you get the result you want,and i will be keeping my eye on this because im a nosy cow

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2012 02:02

BridgetBidet please read my posts properly

I haven't said anyone or anything is shit

I merely related my own experience and that of my siblings

How can you 'disagree strongly' with someone's experience of growing up? Confused

BridgetBidet · 17/11/2012 02:05

Because Worra, you were projecting your experience of growing up into your advice on how the OP should raise her kids when it may not be relevant.

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2012 02:10

Errr I wasn't 'projecting' anything, I was sharing my experience of growing up in a large family.

The same way as Bogey was sharing her experience of having a large family.

I take it the OP is looking for balance and not just agreement/MN hugs?

MrsGrieves · 17/11/2012 02:22

Wow I was all shaky and doom laden when my af was late and I only have 3 dc's. That made me realise that I really do not want another baby. I was one of five (youngest) and all of my sisters think I lived some kind of charmed upbringing Hmm.

Good luck Bella, if you can cope with 8 children, then 9 should be fine.

BridgetBidet · 17/11/2012 02:32

Okay, Worra, sorry, you were quite right.

Brycie · 17/11/2012 03:15

How on earth does anyone afford eight children. I hope you get the support you need.

Beaverfeaver · 17/11/2012 05:10

I was one of 5 growing up. Loved it for the most of it. We all helped out where we could (me more than others due to OCD tendencies)

I moved out at 19, and still now can't believe how quiet it is without all the hustle and bustle.

I do miss it sometimes.

I still go back there regularly to help out even
though all children are now grown up.

Valdeeves · 17/11/2012 06:27

Bella - why don't you use your contraception properly?
I don't get it as I am sure you are an amazing mum but eight kids is surely a lot of hard work physically and financially. Did you subconsciously want more?

Iteotwawki · 17/11/2012 07:00

Can't be helpful re: managing a larger family as I only have 2 (wanted more, DH didn't).

However that's at least as helpful as anyone asking the op about contraception, or informing her of the ways she might have avoided pregnancy - not at all relevant! If she is, she is and knowing about the mirena now ain't gonna help!

OP - if you are, good luck with 8 -> 9. And good luck with whatever happens between you and your ex, hope you find a solution that's good for you all.

Iteotwawki · 17/11/2012 07:02

Oh and yanbu :)

I was stressed and shocked when I got my positives and they were very much planned and wanted! Sure yours will be equally as wanted, if a little less planned :) GL again.

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 17/11/2012 07:11

Wow OP 9! Congrats. I hope you can work things out with their father it would be helpful im sure.

I only have 5 ( would love 6 but leaving it a few years) so can really help with the practicalities of 9. Hope it all works out though!. Its a shame none of you larger family mums seem to live near me - it gets lonely when everyone else i now in real life has one or two and thinks im a bit of a freak!

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 17/11/2012 07:14

Oh would just like to agree with bogeyface on pretty much 100% of what shes said on here especially about chores etc. I expect my kids to tidy their bedrooms and the toys in the playroom etc but i dont have them do "adult" jobs or look after the younger children (they are too young for paid babysitting).

Pinkforever · 17/11/2012 07:54

Your dh must be a millionaire to afford all those children so make sure he supports you.

Fakebook · 17/11/2012 07:57

Is your surname Walton, by any chance?

MrsDeVere · 17/11/2012 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brycie · 17/11/2012 09:12

MrsDV I think it's a way of articulating - without actually saying it - a fear that Bella will have having a child she can't afford. There's a lot of resentment around that sort of thing at the moment. That's why it sounds passive aggressive, because people are thinking it, but don't want to say it because it's a woman at the start of a pregnancy which should be a joyful time.

Brycie · 17/11/2012 09:13

"it's"

Bella you are not an "it," I mean the situation not you

MrsDeVere · 17/11/2012 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rhondajean · 17/11/2012 09:59

Sorry to hijack again but bogey I'm not really ok with it! I'm just convinced that I'm not extravagant and that although I could cut costs a bit I couldn't afford to feed lots of people - maybe we eat too much!Blush

I absolutely take my hat off to each and everyone of you with the big families. I can see how much work it is. There's a part of me would love the house full of children but apart from the actually having them bit, I know I couldn't cope < surveys existing chaos with only two...>

I really don't think we need to be nasty about people with large families - any more than people with small families. There are pros and cons to both.

Right - off to clean up a bit...

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 17/11/2012 10:00

Agree MrsDeVere, propoganda by the government in the last 2 years has meant that that many larger families have been subject to the type of rude comments and abuse which has been hinted at in this thread. No idea of the OPs circumstances so cant comment but DH and I both work and support our children and yet the assumption is that we are "scroungers" and that we are the cause of all the countrys problems!