to be stressed and shocked at being possibly pregnant?

[bellabreeze]

I feel like I might be pregnant. I have 8 DCs (yes, eight!!!) I do keep a positive attitude and cope very well but I am kind of thinking 'oh my god 9 kids!!?' I feel overwhelmed!!! Its not that I would hate to have another child but I feel so shocked and strange about having 9 kids! Its only 1 more but it is so close to 10...

This post doesn't really make much sense I am just overwhelmed

[Bogeyface]

Having a big family is great, the kids would fight over who would watch the baby while I got on with dinner etc! And, as my eldest is 21 and second eldest is 15 and both live at home, I get babysitters whenever I want them at much below market rate as I give them a tenner and 3 days off their chores (Dishwasher duty for DS and laundry sorting for DD!), which is worth much more than money to them :o

[Moominsarescary]

I would love 5 but im not sure my body or my mh could take another pg so it probably won't happen.

Take a test op, I'm sure if it's positive you will be fine!

[rhondajean]

Wow 9 kids.

In some ways that would be lovely but it must be quite a financial strain.

I have two, oldest same age as your oldest. I know they have more than they need, but I genuinely don't think, even with both of us working and earning well, we could afford that.

I know I don't have the personal and parenting skills to do it either.

Good luck to you op.

[IneedAgoldenNickname]

Sorry my was meant to be a purely because I get my 2s names wrong all the time, and they are nothing alike! I'd be rubbish with 8 children.

[StuntGirl]

I wasn't suggesting you should get sterilised bella! Just raising it as a point to the pp who jumped straight in to suggest to your husband getting the snip.

No wonder you're stressed and shocked right now. I hope you manage to get through this whatever happens.

[fedupdownhere]

I have 9 we stopped at nine as hubby had the snip I remember feeling just like you when I found out I was pregnant with no 9 (contraception failure again ) but we managed he is now 13 the loudest and busiest child I have had but we survived :) and I am so glad we have him :)

[fuzzpig]

I wonder if it might be stress that is causing the symptoms, due to your ex etc? Stress can really mess you up physically and leave you very run down. I thought I was pregnant last year, turned out to be a sever UTI (it even stopped my periods) . Just a thought anyway.

I really wanted loads of DCs. Circumstances mean it's not really an option now.

Whatever happens when you test, I hope you are happy with the result.

[Bogeyface]

In some ways that would be lovely but it must be quite a financial strain

It isnt because you adapt. My children know that Xmas doesnt mean £500 worth of presents each. They get one moderately priced gift (£50 ish) and a few bits and bobs, and if they want something more then we negotiate a gift share with other family members. They know that nothing is disposable, that recycling is good and that new to you is just as good as brand new. They get treats often, but their idea of a treat is probably alot less than your childrens idea of a treat (not critcising, just saying). A comic sometimes, a trip to the shop after school once a week for a chocolate bar, means a lot to them.

We eat simple food I suppose, by most peoples standards, but it is healthy, home cooked and tastes good. I couldnt afford ready meals which is good because at heart I am a lazy sod and would live on them if we could! This way, we all eat better because I have no choice but to cook from scratch :o

You cut your cloth, trim sails and manage :)

[MorrisZapp]

Bogey, loads of families scrimp in the ways you've mentioned. But surely the real costs of having a big family is in terms of housing them, transporting them, and helping them go off into the world when the time comes? Also childcare costs before they're school age.

[Bogeyface]

Childcare costs havent been an issue as I run my own business around them, housing them, well we squeeze in! DD has her own room, DS has the converted Dining room, baby DD is still in with us at 17 months, and the other three share the biggest room. Sleeping is fine, we saved up and spent some money on a conservatory that was always going to be the playroom as that was the biggest issue. It cost about what most people would spend on a holiday in Europe, and is a life saver! Our car is a Zafira and we dont really drive far as there isnt the need.

It can be done, you just have to adjust your expectations and live life differently. I only started my business because we needed the money and I couldnt earn enough to cover the childcare, never mind anything else. It has turned out that I have a talent I never knew I had!

[BridgetBidet]

Oh God. It took me 13 years to get pregnant with my first child. I had to have help to do that. I love children and if I could just have popped them out I would probably have had as many as you.

As long as you love them and can support them (even with state help) I don't see the problem. Just maybe try not to have any more.

Interestingly have you ever read 'Call the Midwife'? One of the main stories in that is about a family with 38 kids and how happy they are.

[rhondajean]

Bogey I have a three bed house - could fit four children in it semi comfortably?

I already cook almost everything from scratch and I swear it's dearer than buying put of farmfoods.

Yes my kids get quite a bit but I honestly think more than four would have sent us into a lot of financial trouble. (having two was more to do with my health and ability to carry a pregnancy than cost tbh).

I suppose you do cut your coat to suit your cloth without a doubt - but I'd struggle if I couldn't give my kids some things, such as extracurricular classes, more about opportunities than stuff ifkwim, plus I honestly could not afford to feed eleven of us!

[blueshoes]

Why would you feel overwhelmed at having 9 kids when you already have 8? Is this the first contraceptive failure?

I would have thought your feelings should arise out of your suddenly having to raise your brood on your own than yet another one.

[rhondajean]

Blue is spot on. 2 to 9 is a huge jump. 8 to 9 of course you can cope ŵith!

[Bogeyface]

I honestly could not afford to feed eleven of us!

You could, if you had to, you really could.

When I was expecting number 6, after being very comfortable thankyousoverymuch, our income was cut by 45% though no fault of ours. DH was in bits, I was on the internet! I looked at what we needed versus what we wanted and did the maths. We manage :) If you were the only living relative of 6 children, and if it wasnt you that took them in then it was care, with all that entaisl. What would you do?

You'd manage, you know you would.

[rhondajean]

I would be a kinship career which would be different, you get supported financially.

I could probably feed eleven - but not healthily ifkwim?

I am sure I could DO it. I know I couldn't do it well - financially or personally, I can still recognise that some of us can though. How old are your kids too? I'm stunned at my 13 year old - she seems to have hollow legs!

[Bogeyface]

Also Rhonda extra curricular doesnt mean expensive. Brownies, Guides, Cubs, Scouts, after school web/art/acting clubs, council run enivromental clubs etc. They are all cheap but help the kids do other things. And having lots of siblings teaches them negotiation skills like you wouldn't believe. I am sure that any one of my lot could go on The Apprentice, sack Alan Sugar and he would be fine with it :o

Horses for course, but it isnt all tight purse strings and helping Mammy with the mangle :)

[rhondajean]

I don't imagine it is!m dd2 wants to do brownies - I'm thinking, uniforms, subs, trips, etc - plus I'm a "participator" - will end up helping out with her pack, just know it!

[Bogeyface]

They are DS 21 (still at home, eats like a horse!), DD 15 (fabulous, plays county Rugby and is very sensible so I can forgive her odd teen moment!), DD 10 (almost 11 and the biggest drama queen ever!), DD 8 (little princess, eats like a pig with the munchies but also plays Rugby so runs it all off) DS 7 (ginganinja, total dustbin, but still skinny like the others, also plays rugby) DD 17 months (very cute, rules the house with an iron rod and thinks all the apples in the house belong to her!)

Big gaps, which I admit, does really help.

[Bogeyface]

Well there's your problem! You need to get your head around "dump and run", if you can do that then the rest is a breeze :o

[Bogeyface]

Uniforms - ebay. You can get practically new on there from parents who bought the whole kit and caboodle and then 6 weeks later the DD packed it in. Subs are low, affordable even on a low wage (trust me ), trips are also in the main, affordable because they know that alot of their brownies are from low earning families. Brownies and guides were always for the working classes and the costs reflect that.

But dont buy new uniform, please dont!

[rhondajean]

I'd find big gaps easier!

I always thought I'd have loads - apart from the physical issues, though, I know the cost would be too much!

(not meaning to pry and you've been fab telling me things, but do you have a family income on the larger side?)

As a wild aside - I also doubt I could keep up with laundry!

[rhondajean]

eBay! Fab tip.

I think she will be fab at brownies, dd1 wasn't interested, I'd have loved o see what different personalities 3/4/5 had

[Bogeyface]

I knew you would ask about money!

We used to have an above average income, not massively above, but a little bit. We were doing fine, could pay the bills, could have the odd treat, couldnt go on holiday but then you cant with more than 2 kids as no one will have you!

Then it dropped by almost half due to the recession and H having to find whatever work he could (think NMW :( ). I couldnt get a job as I was 6 months pg at the time, and now we do get some tax credits and child benefit. When we got pg with #6, things were perfect and there was no reason to think that that wouldnt continue. Since then I have started my business so things are (hopefully) on the up.

In the good old days our plan was to buy a bigger house, but we are happy to stay where we are and make do. In fact we are both glad we couldnt find the perfect house when things were good as we would now be in negative equity, probably unable to pay the mortgage.

As I said, when you need to, you cope, you really do :)