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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think men never truly Grow Up?!!!

128 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 15/11/2012 21:38

Having a dh that must have what HE wants, when HE wants and if HE doesn't get it he stomps his feets & sulks for days!!!
HE has to have the latest game/console/chair etc, etc even before i have finished my christmas shopping and then today he's told me HE expects a £300 gaming chair if he gets a job!!-WTAF is wrong with his self entitled arse?
Apparently i have welshed on 'OUR' deal as i said he could have it 'ages' ago apparently-(not realising he meant a £300 one, i thought he meant a cheapo one)!
So he is basing his enthusiasium on maybe getting a job for a fucking gaming chair.
Aibu to think he should grow the fuck up?, especially as it will be a mw job and we won't be able to afford it?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/11/2012 23:08

Just because you expect something, doesn't mean it is normal or good

A whipped dog expects to get whipped. It's not right though.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2012 23:08

You dont need to defend yourself Pumpkin, you really dont.

It wasnt until I saw normal that I realised that my first marriage wasnt, no one should under estimate the power of the example.

OTTMummA · 15/11/2012 23:16

OP, I have been with a right bunch of cunts losers, usually men i have an instant attraction to IYKWIM?
The last cunt one did a right number on me and my mental state and i ended up being single for a good while trying to just put myself back together and understand what I wanted for ME and MY life.

Then one evening a friend i was out with bumped into my now DH and introduced us, we became friends, no hint of attraction either side, he had a gf and i was happily single enjoying a good social life and meeting lots of interesting people.
A few years later i had a particularly nasty one night stand and the only person i wanted to speak to was dh, i wasn't close to him or even talked every week etc, but i just wanted him with me.
I phoned him at gone 2am, he came and stayed up with me all night, put me to bed, stayed on the sofa, cooked me breakfast and took the day off work to take me to the doctors and then stayed with me the rest of that day and night as well.
No one has ever looked after me or treated me with such kindness and respect, never.
I knew after that, i would marry him one day, and i still didn't have that lust, but i just knew.
3 months later we were expecting our son, got married and now have dd 4 months old, we had our 6yr anniversary this Autum.
He loves me with his whole soul, i never doubt this because he demonstrates his love with his actions and words.
He has his moments, we all do, but i can put my hand on my heart and say he would do anything for me, and i for him.
Thats how it should be, nothing less for sure.

OTTMummA · 15/11/2012 23:18

Sorry for the epic post Blush

Fairenuff · 15/11/2012 23:24

Fairenough if there was a bit more reassuring going and and a little less putting down of OP because others DPs are perfect I would agree with you. This is how these threads always go

Unfortunately Kelly we cannot change other people. We can only decide what we are prepared to put up with. In situations like this that usually means that the overwhelming advice is to put up or ship out, because those are the only choices we really have.

I don't think anyone is saying their partner is perfect just that it's not unreasonable to expect equality. Whether you will get it is up to you but everyone should be encouraged to expect it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/11/2012 23:30

Interesting that a lot of the posters on here (AF, Bogeyface, OTT, me) who are saying that men are not all wankers are women who have married or had lots of relationships with wankers. I married a wanker first time. Thanks to him I knew when I remarried what I wouldn't put up with.

DH is not perfect, far from it but his faults match up with my tolerances. I feel feel anxious or sad or resentful or angry I was so angry during my first marriage.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/11/2012 23:30

Bold fail!

WrathdePan · 15/11/2012 23:36

There does seem a fair few posts on here that are 'reportable' and I have done, Bogey and ivy - as HQ indicate posters should do.

fwiw OP - your OH is a bit of a kid and the more you put up with it the more your large child gets away with stuff. He isn't going to stop himself, is he?

Morloth · 15/11/2012 23:42

(I am MORCAPS btw, I stuffed up my login on the phone and can't be arsed to fix it).

DH is a gamer. He enjoys an afternoon in front of the xbox if it comes up.

It is a hobby, as he is a grown up he doesn't waste money on it that we can't afford and he doesn't do it if there is something more important he should be doing.

He isn't perfect, neither am I - but my life is much much better with him in it then it would be without him.

That is all you need to weigh up - is your life better with him or without him pumpkin?

BibiBlocksberg · 15/11/2012 23:44

OP - I was living with an utter entitled manchild when I found MN. A £300 gaming chair sounds like the sort of thing mine would have quite happily whined and manipulated for while contributing bugger all to the relationship.

It takes time from the lightbulb moment of 'OMG, he really is a twat' to really knowing it and being able to take steps to get out from under this sort of set up.

Listen to the lovely and wise ladies (especially AF who kicked my arse into touch more than once when I was busy making excuses for the poor poor ickle diddums in my life) keep reading and letting it all come together into a crystal clear realisation and escape plan.

AnyFucker · 15/11/2012 23:45

I had one relationship with a wanker.

He was an uber-wanker though. Thank fuck I didn't marry him. And thank fuck he displayed just about every wanker behaviour known to humankind which now helps me to spot it a mile off. Almost like a cut-price wanker, he was...certainly very good value-for-money.

Fairenuff · 15/11/2012 23:46

I can't see anything reportable on this thread Wrath, could you be more specific please?

AnyFucker · 15/11/2012 23:47

Aww, hello, Bibi. How very nice to see you Smile

AnyFucker · 15/11/2012 23:48

Pan, wotcha on about ?

MakeItALarge · 15/11/2012 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BibiBlocksberg · 15/11/2012 23:49

Likewise dear AF, previous butt kickings still resulting in happy singledom with two cats here, hope you're well too!

AnyFucker · 15/11/2012 23:53

I am very well thanks, Bibi. Happy Singledom has to be loads better than miserable faux-coupledom.

Tactifer · 15/11/2012 23:54

These wankers come from somewhere! OP said that his family are also of the same ilk. I'd be seriously worried about passing their/his habits onto your DC if you put up with it too much. Sooner or later, something has to change.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2012 23:56

Interested to know what I have been reported for! I assume it was the "punch in the tits" comment, and if it was I would like to clarify that it was an example not a threat.

AnyFucker · 15/11/2012 23:59

Oh yeah, a tit of a poster once reported me for a jokey comment about "knee capping"

I wasn't deleted IIRC, since it wasn't directed at anyone in particular and was quite clearly not seriously about removing the patellae of an unfortunate

IneedAsockamnesty · 16/11/2012 00:04

Some people are just cunts some are not.

The most amazing person I every met was a man

Bogeyface · 16/11/2012 00:05

Pity really AF would have been quite apt if you had by the sound of it :o

OTTMummA · 16/11/2012 00:11

I am on ML and money is a bit tight at the moment.
DH got a bike of free cycle and fixed it up and cycles to work instead of paying £14 for a weekly bus ticket so i can use it for coffee with friends or whatever else i want to spend it on.

He gets up at 5am, unloads the washing from the night before and hangs it out, then makes DS packed lunch and irons for 10-15 mins from the ironing pile, gets out mine and DS breakfast bowls and spoons and puts another load of washing in the machine ready to be put on.
Then he wakes me up for a shower and relaxes for 20 mins while i get ready, we have a hug, kiss etc and then he goes to work.
He gets home 5.30pm has a quick shower then we eat dinner, after dinner he washes up and puts the bin out and then we alternate between who gives baths and who does homework etc.
Then he gives DD her last bottle of the day whilst i shower and he puts her to bed.
He then 9/10 times rubs my feet whilst we have a cuppa tea :)
He also encourages me to go out at the weekend and or takes both children out so i can rest.

MORCAPS · 16/11/2012 00:34

DH does all night wakings with DS2 because I am a grump.

He also brings me a cup of tea in bed on the days I don't need to get up and he does (I do the same for him).

We are kind to each other.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 16/11/2012 08:21

........well he has woke up after not bothering to come to bed hugged me, then contiued to go on about how i 'promised' to buy it!Sad

Cba with this crap anymore, told him to go to bed whilst i get dc ready for school as don't need his childishness at this point in time.

I have to face facts that he will never change, the universe will always relove around himSad
I just hope he turns up to the jobcentre today or our bills won't be paid, lets hope he is atleast grown up enough to not stoop so low.

OP posts: