about being told not to bring DD?

[Huia]

I am on maternity leave with 12 week old DD.

A friend from work is getting married soon. A woman we both work with has sent an invitation via Facebook for a celebratory lunch at a restaurant this weekend, mainly for people we work with.

DH said he will look after DD while I'm out, and I was looking forward to catching up with my workmates without a baby in tow.

I posted on the wall saying it sounded lovely and I will come.

Another woman then posted on the wall saying "Oooh Huia, you should bring BabyHuia!"

The woman organising the lunch sent me a private message almost immediately after the other woman's post, saying "I don't mean to sound rude but I think most people would really rather that you don't bring your baby. After all, this is supposed to be [bride's] day, not yours."

AIBU to be a little bit hurt by her message? I quite possible am - I do have PND and at the moment I'm finding it very hard to judge whether my feelings are reasonable.

I vote for toofattorun reply. Sometimes people do merit a snarky response.

Maybe reply, "did you mean to sound so rude? Of course I won't be bringing my baby to an adult lunch, really looking forward to it, see you there." Yes I'd be upset by her email it was rude

outraged I don't think anyone on here has thought badly of the woman in question for what she was asking.It is not unreasonable IMO to request no children at any event. It was the extra bitchy dig at the end that people are taking notice of. It was unnecessary, patronising and implied a very poor oponion of the OP!

pretty tactless but the woman who told you to bring baby was being thoughtless, I mean did that woman plan to walk around entertaining baby, sit and rock baby in buggy etc whilst you swigged wine and joined in the banter, I doubt it.

Can see the second woman's point - she was [shocked] at the first comment. But tactless in her response.

I think you are being oversensitive as it is more sensible not to take baby and you knew that. First woman was out of order.

Yes the comment at the end was the rude part. Why did she assume OP wanted to bring DD.

IMO the post was a bit thoughtless, rude, disparaging etc. But I'd definitely not reply in kind - be the better person. I'd say something like 'Thank for organising this lunch, it'll be lovely to see everyone. Yes, I know, x suggested I should bring the baby but tbh I'm looking forward to a good chatty catch up on my own and yes, absolutely, it's all about y and not about any of us, is it? If you like, I can bring baby into work another time? Anyway, as I say, thanks - see you next week!'

The comment at the end was probably aimed at the person that made the suggestion to bring the baby, rather than at the OP.

You need to post on the wall to say "Oh, I won't be bringing the baby, I was looking forward to a bit of child-free time and the proper chance to celebrate with [bride to be name] - so no need for anyone else to private message me and tell me it would be inappropriate, thanks anyway [officious busybody's name]"

YANBU, she sounded so rude! Just reply to her and say that actually you have sorted childcare out. Curt response. You don't have to be friendly with this woman, and she will realise how she came across. She may not have meant to come across like that so you might get an apologetic pm back which will clear the air.

The fact that she private messaged you rather than making her comment public says to me that she wasn't being mean or rude. She also started her message with "I don't want to sound rude but..."
Her only slightly rude bit was by saying that the day was about the bride not you. I would tend to think that she just chose her words a little carelessly.
She is the one who has arranged this get together so she feels responsible that it all goes perfectly. I can completely see why she wouldn't want a new born baby there and also don't think that you should take this as an attack on you at all. Just go and enjoy see everyone like you originally intended to. Don't read too much into it./emo/te/1.gif

The fact that she private messaged you rather than making her comment public says to me that she wasn't being mean or rude. She also started her message with "I don't want to sound rude but..."
Her only slightly rude bit was by saying that the day was about the bride not you. I would tend to think that she just chose her words a little carelessly.
She is the one who has arranged this get together so she feels responsible that it all goes perfectly. I can completely see why she wouldn't want a new born baby there and also don't think that you should take this as an attack on you at all. Just go and enjoy see everyone like you originally intended to. Don't read too much into it.

You see to me the fact she private messaged you DOES mean she was being rude - she could have said something on FB if she was well intentioned. She's a busy body and in full on organising mode imo!

But Ronby, The rule is
'I don't want to sound rude but'
Equals
I am now going to say something breathtakingly rude

Everyone knows the rule, surely?

Rude to mention it being the brides do but I don't think requesting no baby is rude at all tbh.

I would never take a baby to a works lunch. Especially one that was to celebrate for someone.

I would have been tempted to publicly reply to the lady who wanted the baby along the lines of "oh I'm sorry but planning a baby free time for me and anyway Petunia has told me "no babies" in no uncertain terms lol :). We''ll have to arrange to go for coffee and you can meet my little bundle :)"

Mintyy That is the perfect responce!