about being told not to bring DD?

[Huia]

I am on maternity leave with 12 week old DD.

A friend from work is getting married soon. A woman we both work with has sent an invitation via Facebook for a celebratory lunch at a restaurant this weekend, mainly for people we work with.

DH said he will look after DD while I'm out, and I was looking forward to catching up with my workmates without a baby in tow.

I posted on the wall saying it sounded lovely and I will come.

Another woman then posted on the wall saying "Oooh Huia, you should bring BabyHuia!"

The woman organising the lunch sent me a private message almost immediately after the other woman's post, saying "I don't mean to sound rude but I think most people would really rather that you don't bring your baby. After all, this is supposed to be [bride's] day, not yours."

AIBU to be a little bit hurt by her message? I quite possible am - I do have PND and at the moment I'm finding it very hard to judge whether my feelings are reasonable.

Yeh vestibule what if op baby were breastfed, in that case I would contact my friend to see how she feels about bringing nabs and if baby not welcome don't go

Worra -

Helltotheno - re the work thing, TBH it's not a logical response on my part to connect her message with work. I do know I'm being irrational about that. I just have a generalised anxiety about how I'm going to manage going back to work, which I think is why I got upset about her message - even though it's a social event not a work event. Sorry, that probably doesn't make sense!

Anyway, you are quite right that it shouldn't matter what she thinks - she is not my boss and my own boss is actually pretty good.

Piglet - DD is EBF, and DH hasn't been able to convince her of the merits of a bottle of expressed milk. Am hoping it will be ok - if she has a feed immediately before DH drops me off, she should ok with DH for up to 2 hours. If she's not, DH should be able to pick me up within 10 minutes and I can feed her in the car.

I irrationally hate stuff like this, when I was planning on something anyway and then someone patronisingly tells me to do what I was already planning to do, I hate that they might think I am doing it because they told me to - if that makes sense.

i would have to reply with some kind of "I wasn't bringing baby anyway" type reply but I am a bit irrational about that I admit.

YANBU. She was rude, absolutely no need to be so bitchy even if she feel it needed saying. There are better ways to say that.

I'd just reply saying, 'I wasn't planning to actually.'

YADNBU- that message was rude!
I actually agree with the sentiment, if a group of adults want to get together minus children that is not unreasonable. However, that wording was deliberate and bitchy in my opinion. In this situation, I would go, minus baby and reply with toofattorun's responce including the crossed out bits What a cunt!

What a bitch. Pressumebly not a parent. I think the "I wasn't planning to you actually" response is ideal.

I think some of the suggestions for replies might just stir up more hassle for the OP.

I'd reply " Hi X. Thanks for organising the night out - I'm really looking forward to it - and not planning to bring BabyHula as it'll be past her bedtime ! "

I love the 'I don't mean to sound rude..' before being incredibly rude.

I would tell her you fully intend to bring BabyHuia and enjoy watching her implode with fury at not being able to order you about (even though you have made other arrangements)

Yes, she could have worded it slightly better but there are a lot of people out there who wouldn?t hink twice about bringing their baby along to a lunch, etc. where it?s clearly just for the adults. OP, you wouldn?t have done this as you?d already made arrangments for your DH to have the baby but she didn?t know that. TBH I wouldn?t want a baby spoiling my pissup lunch with the girls but some people don?t think like that.

Forget it and have a fab time!

I very much doubt she had an accurate idea of what 'most people' were thinking at all - and the fact that one person was clearly enthusiastic to meet your baby proves that.

She is rude, it's probably just her and not about you, ignore and have a GREAT meal out. Actually I would totally ignore her PM and just reply to the person who said 'bring baby' on the message with 'Oh, I'd love to show her off some time, but on this occasion I'm looking forward to being able to celebrate with both arms free to lift a glass of champagne!'.

YABU as to the request but she should have been less of a bitch more tactful by establishing whether you were bringin DD first before accusing you of being a prima donna.

Some people would just assume DD wa invited without even thinking about it so although it is annoying she has categorised you as one of these thoughtless people I wouldn't sweat it (unless you think she shoudl know you better?)

oops xpost tarty

presumably not a parent.

Does having procreated give the monopoly on manners? Are those who haven't given birth the only ones who would be this rude? What an odd thing to say.

And I can think of plenty of parents who would leave their babies behind given the chance. Sometimes occasions ARE just for adults.

Following RawShark's post ...

Personally I don't see why it would be such a problem if you did want to bring her - it's only lunch with work colleagues (OK to celebrate someone's upcoming marriage) - I'm sure some at least would be delighted to meet her.

But anyway you've decided you'd feel more comfortable and enjoy it more going on your own, so I hope you still get to have an enjoyable lunch with friends/ colleagues - Don't let bossy boots spoil your day !
I like Calming Miranda's suggestion of an open reply on Facebook to the person who suggested you bring baby along saying it's a nice idea but not this time !

Agree with Ariel - like it or not, babies do tend to attract a lot of attention. Even if they are v v v well behaved they still distract the group with their little teeny fingers and chubby cheeks away from other stuff. It can't be helped. So perhaps colleague was trying to prevent bad feeling between the bride and OP rather than just being a bitch for the craic. If people want to meet the baby, then you would collectively arrange another lunch date, colleague A shouldn't have suggested it in the first place really.

However, she should've proof read better- that bit about it being "the bride's day" made her sound like a right cock.

juggling
Maybe I cam across wrong. I do think would be thoughtless to assume children were invited to what essentially sounds like a work event. But I don't think DD shouldn;t go, just that if she did it would be best to check first?

And the woman was very rude, that is not in doubt. But rude because she was thinking about the bride's feelings too. So I woudl just reiterate, don;t sweat it!

Yes, definitely don't sweat this small stuff would be good advice here I think !

Wth...did she think the baby was competing with her?!

Just ignore the private message and reply to the woman who asked you to bring the baby, saying you've already arranged childcare and that it's the brides day not the baby's.

I wouldn't like to get such a message either. But I don't think taking tiny baby's to a work's lunch out is a good idea. The woman sending the message sounds horrible.

I can't believe how many people seem to think this woman acted like the daughter of the devil just for being honest!

I don't think she was rude at all, I think she just wanted to ensure that the focus of the day remained on the person that it was intended for, rather than on someone else's baby. Completely fair enough IMO. She was telling the truth, most people probably would prefer the baby not to be there.

She wouldn't have needed to say anything if someone else had been able to think before they posted that you should bring the baby.

I would also say "I wasn't planning to actually... Have you sent this message to me instead of [person who suggested it] by mistake?"

Actually I would ignore the message and actually post what mulled said on FB

I'd message her back saying "Actually that did sound rather rude". Don't mention the baby at all and let her sweat about whether or not you will bring her

If she's organising the lunch I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that you don't, in a private message. It may be that others saw the earlier message (possibly even the bride) and asked her to say something. She's going to get grief either way then.

You do get people who are very precious about their "special times"-and you get people who are determined to turn someone else's "special time" into attention for themselves. Often they're the same people . If bride/arranger has been in that position before she's probably trying to avoid it again.

Personally I'd love a baby there as long as I got a cuddle, but others aren't so keen unfortunately.

Hey Valium while you are in the playground I am in Brooklyn