about being told not to bring DD?

[Huia]

I am on maternity leave with 12 week old DD.

A friend from work is getting married soon. A woman we both work with has sent an invitation via Facebook for a celebratory lunch at a restaurant this weekend, mainly for people we work with.

DH said he will look after DD while I'm out, and I was looking forward to catching up with my workmates without a baby in tow.

I posted on the wall saying it sounded lovely and I will come.

Another woman then posted on the wall saying "Oooh Huia, you should bring BabyHuia!"

The woman organising the lunch sent me a private message almost immediately after the other woman's post, saying "I don't mean to sound rude but I think most people would really rather that you don't bring your baby. After all, this is supposed to be [bride's] day, not yours."

AIBU to be a little bit hurt by her message? I quite possible am - I do have PND and at the moment I'm finding it very hard to judge whether my feelings are reasonable.

How fucking rude!!!

I wouldn't let that put me off the lunch or the bride, but it would certainly put me off the person who said it!

If anyone asked me where my baby was at the meal, I'd be very tempted to say. "Oh, I didn't bring BabyHuia because x told me not to" and let her explain that one if people ask why. Childish perhaps, but tempting none the less!

It is rude and nothing whatsoever to do with her. I am sure you, as an adult can be trusted to do the right thing without her nosy input. I would ignore and if she asks about it say you never even read it.

She sounds like an utter dickhead.

As a rule, people only bring their babies along to these things if they don't have an alternative. When they do, people coo and fuss then ignore - it's the parent who misses out and not the guest of honour.

fwiw last workmates lunch I went along to (granted not for a bride, just a reunion) one person brought their baby and another their 11yo. It was that or they couldn't have come. We preferred that they join us and besides it was quite nice to meet them. The 11yo entertained the baby for the brief period he was awake anyway. Had everyone brought a 3yo with them it would have been quite different, but really - a baby?

Yup, she's a dickhead.

It is rude to someone you don't know, does not put you in a good light. She should have not said anything, most people would not bring their kids anyway, r said that just to let you know that this is a child free lunch look forward to seeing you there.

'I had not intended to bring the baby anyway but thank you SO much for pointing out whose day it is. Maybe I shouldn't wear a wedding dress either? Please do advise.'

She did not need to word it like that sounds rude

Sod my bright and breezy suggestion, go with picnic's suggestion instead. Then post her reply on here

How about "well, if it isn't all about me then I don't think I should come......twat. c ya there LOL xxxx"

toofattorun Perfect!

Or a slight addition to toofat's reply:

I just read your message. I had no intention of bringing my baby. Oh, and for the record, I know whose day it is; AND IT ISN'T YOURS you knobhead

I'd be inclined to just reply, "Had no intention of doing so anyway but thanks for stating the obvious" with a smiley face.

Glad you are going and hope you don't let this overshadow a happy occasion.

YANBU

The cheeky twat.

YANBU. She was rude. Don't reply unless it will make you feel better.

Have a lovely lunch.

"Maybe I shouldn't wear a wedding dress either? Please do advise" hahahahaha picnic

Ah forget about it, and go. A nice grown up lunch with a drink or two without having to worry about nappy changing bags, feeds, poo and trying to eat with a baby on your lap will do you the world of good.

Times like these are few and far between when you're a mum, make the most of it and shrug off any (un) intentioned bitchiness.

Have a great time!

Or just 'Oh fuck off you interfering cow' would probably do the job

What a horrible lady - and it seems people would quite like to see your baby by the other ladies message.
I wouldn't pm back- but I would just watch the group message and wait:) if lots of people want you to bring your baby, you can reply with my dh was looking forward to looking after baby, so I was planning to come alone. However, I will be happy to get dh to bring her at the end as he will be picking me up. Or you will arrange something in the next few weeks to pop in with her.

And on the day when people ask where your baby is, say about your dh looking after her and then put the boot in with regards to the pm from the rude one. Depends how senior to you she is!!

Wtf?

I don't get this... Objectification .... Of babies. As though the suggestion was that you brought your banjo & broke into song, or brought your pet tarantula.

They are little people, dependent litle people and members of their communities.

So shes worried the baby'll 'detract' athention from the hen I'd write back with

"I don't mean to sound rude, but I think most people would rather you
(delete as appropriate)*
limited your remarkably annoying laugh/
Went to the hairdresser to sort out that unpleasant hairstyle/
Resisted the urge to dress like an attention seeking trollop/
Kept your bitchiness on a leash/
Saw a dentist about your halitosis*
After all, it's the brides day, not yours"

Jenai.

Or just a succinct "piss off" .

I would not reply to her at all, let her worry about you showing up with a baby until the actual day!

You are NOT being U. I love some of the suggested responses and hope you use one of them! I do think saying "Thanks for your concern but I had childcare organised already - everyone can meet babyHuia at my lunch the next week after all!"

and then organising one

and not inviting her

would be fitting. But I bet you are nicer than me.

I like these's idea

Ha ha ha ha ha ha cleans

OMG we are all 12 again and in the playground!!

She has obviously gone into micro-management overdrive since she has organised the lunch.