about being told not to bring DD?

[Huia]

I am on maternity leave with 12 week old DD.

A friend from work is getting married soon. A woman we both work with has sent an invitation via Facebook for a celebratory lunch at a restaurant this weekend, mainly for people we work with.

DH said he will look after DD while I'm out, and I was looking forward to catching up with my workmates without a baby in tow.

I posted on the wall saying it sounded lovely and I will come.

Another woman then posted on the wall saying "Oooh Huia, you should bring BabyHuia!"

The woman organising the lunch sent me a private message almost immediately after the other woman's post, saying "I don't mean to sound rude but I think most people would really rather that you don't bring your baby. After all, this is supposed to be [bride's] day, not yours."

AIBU to be a little bit hurt by her message? I quite possible am - I do have PND and at the moment I'm finding it very hard to judge whether my feelings are reasonable.

Actually I would say what doctordwt said! Perfect!

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Do not engage with rude people, it pisses them off no end.

But I can't believe this thread has had over 40 messages and nobody has said "but what would you do if you were EBF? You'd have to take her then." C'mon, you're all a bit slow this morning . (YY, I know some people can manage to express at 12 weeks.)

Then dont Forget to post on tour status "god, some people are soooo stupid!!!!" And then when people say "whasup?" Put "ill pm ya m8" full on fb wind up

I'd ignore and delete the message.

Go and have a lovely lunch.

i'd be pissed off at the comment its x's day not yours, perhaps the person that sent that message has baby related issues, maybe not having much luck having one or something?

YANBU to be upset, she was really rude. What a horrible last remark to make about it being the bride's day.

I don't think I could resist sending a cutting message back to her. It probably wouldn't be the best thing to do though and if you can stand not to, I wouldn't.

YANBU, she was rude, I think being the 'organiser' has gone to her head

I like These idea of not replying.

I would have to reply to that message, not because I object to being asked not to bring the baby but because the way she has said it is so rude. Something fairly lighthearted but making the point. Some good suggestions on here.

She was rude, but on the other hand she had no way of knowing whether you were planning on bringing the baby or not, especially after you had been encouraged to. And for those saying it's nothing to do with her, it is something to do with her, because babies have a habit of taking over a function if they are brought! I'm not saying that's wrong, I'm just saying that's what happens.

She could have worded it much better though. Go along and talk to the others and enjoy yourself :)

I am loving this:

SecondRow Wed 14-Nov-12 10:09:07
Has the woman who sent the message met your baby herself? Because if not, it would be satisfying to reply "don't worry, this will be a baby-free lunch, everyone who's interested in BabyHuia has already met her "

PERFECT reply
"don't worry, this will be a baby-free lunch, everyone who's interested in BabyHuia has already met her "

Ya sooooo NBU!!! Rude cow.

Great suggestions on this thread, combine them all into one monster reply!!

OP take heart, you are not being over sensitive.

Actually does nobody think he person who posted
Oooh Huia, you should bring BabyHuia! was BU, since it wasn't hers to dictate who should be there or not?
If that were me,I would have jokingly responded (on the wall) something like Looking forward to a bit of me time so no baby! before anyone could get in with a 'don't bring baby' comment (because for me, there were certain things I enjoyed bringing a baby to and others I wouldn't even consider).

Yes she was a bit snippy and as I said above, she should have maybe reserved her ire for the other person but I definitely wouldn't read too much into this, you were going child-free so it's not a big deal. She was probably a bit panicky about other people wanting to bring kids too, which isn't U in my opinion. I doubt it was meant to be a dig at you...

YABU.

If people really could be trusted to do the right thing in situations like this, aibu would be practically empty. A cursory read suggests that many people are breathtakingly rude, self-absorbed, and even down right nasty.

It was a polite enough message, get over it.

Thank you for your replies - you've made me feel much better. Love the suggestions!

I just feel like I can't trust my reactions at the moment, which is part of the PND I think. And I'm also quite anxious about how to manage my return to work - some people in the company are not very family-friendly and she would be an example of that.

Thinking about it, she is a rather prickly sort of person, and is very anti-children. She's never had any issues with me in the past, so I suspect this is just her, rather than any nastiness specifically aimed at me.

DH thinks it would be funny if I were to ignore her message and actually take DD along - DD either glares or screams at new people, so I'm sure she's exactly the type of baby this woman would just love . But I'm looking forward to a very rare child-free hour or two, so I won't cut my nose off to spite my face!

I think I'll not reply to her message, but - as someone suggested - just say to the woman who asked me to bring DD that I'll bring her to some other function.

What a bitch, if it was 'my' lunch I would be disappointed if a friend didn't bring her baby, but then I do love squidgy babies .

Turn up with a breast feeding doll clutched to your boobage...tell them you can't bare being away from the baby but as it's her day, you thought you'd compromise.

Then proceed to tell them every single detail of the birth.

Don't forget to describe your placenta, just as they're tucking into their steak n' chips

The way she worded it was a bit rude. I think you are right to ignore the message..... and make her sqirm a bit wondering if you will turn up with baby or not![simle]
If she says it again then just tell her wind her neck in and you had no intentions of taking baby in the first place.

Your username made me .... Huia is my middle name!

Do what worra said

I like secondrow's response. Perfectly polite yet gets the message across.

I love valiumredheads message, but I have never been able to resist a sarky reply!

If she seems anti children, maybe she's having fertility problems. Just a thought....

At 12 weeks both my DDs were BFing even the awkward one.
Where I went they went.

They are 11 and 14 and to a large extent that's still the case.

What a cow. I also love valiumredheads suggestion.

Very few people are anti-children... some tend to talk to much about their kids which puts people off (but those people prob just talk to much anyway!).

I'm more leaning towards this woman not wanting to get a load of sh*t from people if the organising goes wrong, which happens and I've seen it!

OP don't get why you're worried about this person in work. Is she your boss? If it's a workplace, she doesn't have to be family friendly, she just has to do her job, as do you... if where you work is generally 'family friendly', there's no issue I would've thought?