MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

A hell of a lot of sneering on this thread! "precious", "OTT", "heartbreaking", advice to "unclench" (just above the pelvic floor toner ad, too, which is MEANT to make us clench! )

What did we do before advent calendars and stockings for Santa Claus to fill were commercialised?

We made our own or went without.

When I was a lot younger, we didn't have advent calendars so didn't beg for them. We knew what Advent was because we went to Siunday School. Does anyone go to Sunay School these days?

As for stockings for Santa Claus to fill, I do remember one Christmas when I was admonished. We used my father's socks to hang up for Santa Claus to fill with an orange, some nuts, an apple and a shilling with affordable goodies. Unfortunately, I hammered mine to the top of my bed's oak headboard using a seg! I got a good telling off but Santa Claus still came.

Sorry - *Sunday

plutocrap - But MILS have had their Xmas moments and traditions with their children, why the hell do they need to play pretend mummy with their gc too?

YABVU and ridiculous. Your SIL sounds horrible.
You sound reasonable for venting on here rather than at your poor MIL though :)
Why is it so hard for people to smile and say thank you and then do what you want to do anyway?
I also don't want to give my one year old chocolate, which is why in your position i'd just give ds the calendar but eat the chocolate myself. For the good of the children.

Ok, I withdraw the Scrooge, RugBugs, that is definitely OTT. The haircuts would make me want to take a hatchet to her

OP I agree with you that you're over-reacting a bit, but admit that I would probably have been the same when DS was 1.

In fact, I was the same and then some when DS was 2 and truly lovely DMIL turned up with a second stocking.

It just hadn't occurred to her that I might have an issue with it. I like to do the Father Christmas brings the stocking thing, so I felt it undermined that. I also felt that, while it's great for GPs to spoil GCs, the FC myth is one that should be led by parents imo.

Plus, I know for a fact that neither set of GPs had to deal with this sort of crap input in their day!

PS I would use the 1 year olds myself. And if you don't want your 5 yo to have choc every day, then could you take it in turns to open with you, him and DH?

Talk about micromanaging your dc lives

I don't think you are being massively unreasonable op. I felt the same last year when my Mil did this. I had already bought them, and didn't want to do 2 so they had mils. My mil has bought the same gifts as us for the dcs several times at christmas and it does irritate me if only for the wasted cash - two bikes, two baby walkers- why not check first? I think there are some things that you can tend to feel a bit protective /precious about. Now the kids are bigger I have calmed down a bit though. I am going to get a trad advent this year and do it at bedtime as suggested up thread as I am sure there will be Disney princess ones appearing shortly. Which I am sure the kids will prefer but that's beside the point... :-)

OP - I've also suggested to DMIL that she might like to buy DS a choc father christmas or similar from her, so she gets the pleasure of choosing and buying something for DS, but we also don't have a 2/3 yo disappearing under a mountain of choc and plastic tat.

But then I really hate waste.

Yet another anti MIL thread. I've read other members saying that as mums of sons they were absolutely horrified by how much DILs disliked/attacked their MIL for the most ridiculous things. I have sons, I have always tried to get on with their girlfriends and accepted that although I adore my boys, they have another woman in their life and she should come first. I got on well with my own MIL and was always thrilled when GPs wanted to spend time and treat my own children. I thought my boys were pretty marvellous and I wanted others to share their marvellousness. I just don't get this possessiveness, unless your MIL is horrendous, for heaven's sake try to be nice and certainly try not to exclude her - she is your grandchildren's father's mother if that makes sense! If this is truly representative of DILs I am really scared of gaining one and unwittingly getting it all wrong.

I don't really mind the cheap chocolate calendars, the DCs love them. I think in the future I'd like to get proper wooden ones to fill myself but that won't happen this year. In any case SIL asked if she can get the choc ones this year.

I never had an advent calendar as a child. I knew everyone else did but wasn't allowed one for some reason. My now-DH was incredulous when he found this out, so on our first Xmas together he got me a picture one, a chocolate one and we exchanged little gifts for every day of advent. I made his advent calendar from little cards on each of which I wrote a song lyric. Soppy thing that I am - but he's still got them 9 years on :)

Anyway, I'm really not bothered about them being crappy kinnerton ones, they're just a bit of fun (and gluten free unlike some others) so we all have one, it only costs about £6. When we have the money/energy to do the wooden one, we will stop doing the cheap ones, but probably still put a little sweet or chocolate in each drawer.

Mind you, my friend from college did send us a Hotel Chocolat couple's calendar once - each window had two little truffles in.

Well I do think that it is usual for parents to buy an Advent calendar & not GPs.

But perhaps that´s why MIL got chocolate ones-because she knew that you wouldn´t OP?

I do know how you feel as there was a time I thought about my ILs "oh FFS-you´ve had your chance & done this with your child now let me do it with mine"

But if it´s not done maliciously, & if, as in this case it´s different to what you do, then try to accept it-for the sake of your sanity/blood pressure!

YANBU (although I don't know the history of your relationship with your MIL!!). I do understand your MIL though - I have a lovely MIL, but she goes overboard with these things so I don't get chance (e.g. I made a stocking for pfb DS, we arrived at theirs for Christmas Day to find she had made FOUR stockings for him. He was one yr old). She buys him a crazy amount of presents, last Christmas they didn't even have enough paper to wrap them all and they took up one half of their living room. DS played with the dog's old tennis ball instead....

I get annoyed because I want to get chance to do stockings, advent calendars, etc and spoil DS from time to time, but I am pipped to the post by MIL everytime, even when I say "please don't buy him x or y as I'm getting that for his birthday" - she arrives with x and y (she brings him presents every time she comes - not expensive stuff, but we have a lot of plastic stuff piled up as a result). So I am mean mummy who doesn't buy DS anything, or indulge in Christmas traditions, because it's all already been done by MIL. I guess I feel she takes the shine off my efforts, but I'm pretty sure DS couldn't care less.

However, this is my lovely MIL's first grandchild and she does try to overcompensate all the time anyway (a separate issue) so I'm hoping it will die down in later years and then I'll get chance to do the special stuff. But I don't think YABU to be annoyed, I feel it all the time as even when I say I'd like to do these things, she just forgets and does them anyway.

Been there got the Tshirt except my mil gave my dc 3 X choc calendars half way through Dec one year when they were merrily opening their German old fashioned picture calendar which they were originally happy with.My mum then started up her own wooden calendar one year-the same year I started a wooden one.

It's a bloody nightmare,no idea what you should do op.Soooo glad my dc are getting to the age that calendargate no longer matters.

I think things like calendars are for mummy to organise only,after all it's what we all dream of doing pre dc however I suspect I'll stuff up too come the time I have gc and won't be able to resist.Hope I rem.

"grandmother wants to do something nice for grandchildren shock"

We're not being precious - we just want to be able to have some of our own traditions.

My mum got rather miffed when I started knitting presents for Christmas for my nieces and nephews (because the knitted Christmas jumper was her thing), yet apparently her packing a Christmas stocking for my son was OK (yes, he could have two, yes I could unpack it and give him the presents separately, but this is my son, I want to do his stocking, and you should only have one stocking full of oranges, chocolate and tat at Christmas), and my MIL bought DS his first proper shoes (took him out and got them before I had a chance to do it myself)

I do swallow my pride/disappointment, and take it in the spirit in which it is given, but it doesn't stop me being a bit sad privately that I didn't get to do these things.

I don't think it's anti mil at all I think it's anti grandparent who has forgotten that she is not the parent.

At the moment there is a very simmerler thread about a mums own mother.

Most of these kinds of gp's would have been very quick to challenge this behaviour from there dc's gp's

I was at a family birthday brunch on Saturday and afterwards we all went shopping.

My sister had 5 of her DGC with her (and their mothers). She let them all choose their own Advent calendars and the mums couldn't have been more pleased.

Mums were her own DD and two DILs.

I made my DD an Advent calendar when she was small and it is their family tradition to fill each day with a trinket or sweet and taking turns to open them.

Chunky.It's sooo difficult as you only get these opportunities once in life and to be fair gps have already had their turn with their own dc.

I have never stayed at mil at Xmas because I know she'd take over.She does dil's kids stockings,calendars,birthday parties the lot.That's fine if dil is happy but these lovely traditions are things I dreamt for years of doing and tbh kids should only have 1 of each-it doesn't teach them to value things if they have several.

I am pipped to the post by MIL everytime, even when I say "please don't buy him x or y as I'm getting that for his birthday" - she arrives with x and y

^^ This is the problem. I have learned not to tell the GPs what I am planning for presents, or they will appear with it the next day and present it to DCs, who then are disppointed with the duplicate one you give them on their actual birthday. This is where calendergate ends!! YANBU to be frustrated with it!!

I haven't got time to read through this mammoth thread, so apologies if this has been asked, but how often do your kids go to your MIL's house? Might be worth her keeping it and your kids opening it on the date they are there, MIL then gets to share in that nice tradition and your kids won't be eating the chocolate every day?

Sil has never even made a bday cake,mil does them all.

Now I know I may sound daft but staying up late with dp making my dc's various bday cake disasters are things I'll remember fondly.You only prop up a fairy mushroom cake at 2am with cocktail sticks or chisel hamster poo out of licorice once in your life.

DGC also get a chocolate Advent calendar which they invariably destroy before Christmas.

They all regard Grandma's Advent calendar as the special Christmas one. This has not come about from any thing that I have said or done. DD just decided that she wanted to continue the tradition of her very own personalised homemade Advent calendar.