MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

[exoticfruits]

I think it is far more toxic for the DC to have her mother being nasty to her grandmother than a small chocolate!

[Oblomov]

I think there is more to this than meets the eye.
I think you are very controlling. And obsessive. And sound very clingy and helicopter parentish.
And i think the fact that sil gave it back too is very telling. You don't like mil, do you? You don''t like the extended family. I can tell from your posts, from your tone, when you said about not having grandparents, only brothers and sisters.

I am the polar opposite of you. I did not have any cousins, or grandparents( all 4 died before my parents even got married).
My mil is lovely. I have 10 sil's and bil's and and my ds's have 12 cousins, plus 18 2nd cousins. when we have the family party, I love it and can't get enough of it.
Becasue it is the total opposite of the tiny family that i did have, I love it even more. They have always welcomed me and I just love it to bits.

Shame you don't feel the same.

[exoticfruits]

YANBU to be annoyed, YABU if you do anything other than use it with good grace.

[toomanydaisies]

oblomov what? You got that assessment from what I said? Really?

[Oblomov]

You've said quite alot, Op. Can you not see that? Would you like me to specifically quote some of the things that you have posted that backs up what I think?

[toomanydaisies]

Not really. I think you've got an agenda and you're possibly, just possibly, a bit spiteful. Obviously I could be wrong. But I'd rather not engage with Internet bullies. Thanks for your kind offer though. If you'd like me to browse your posting history and comment on it then do let me know.

[Preferthedogtothekids]

I think you should consider yourself lucky.

A few years ago my MIL unexpectedly gave my son a fish tank and no fish. We had no plans to have goldfish, but we had to buy some.

Last week she mentioned that she planned to present my two teenagers with a kitten on Christmas morning, despite the fact that we have a dog and we both work full-time. I had to say no very emphatically, but I'm still not convinced we won't be hearing the pitter-patter or tiny feet on Christmas morning, or the loud yell of my furious DH.

This is the same MIL who presented me with a whole set of nursery bedding, curtains and wall border that she had ordered from her catalogue with no consultation, along with a complete set of cot, pram and clothes all bought second-hand from a friend. I was having my first baby and didn't get to make any choices. I was too aware that we may have to rely on her for childcare that I just said thank you and left it.

Pick your battles

[toomanydaisies]

Seriously guys, this thread is 2 weeks old! I came here to vent. I would never, ever upset my mil in rl about this. I wanted to rant and get opinions. But the personal attacks are a bit much. As others have noted on my behalf.

I do not hate my mil. I have a good relationship with her. Sometimes she annoys me to distraction but she has no idea about this.

And breathe!!!

[toomanydaisies]

prefertgedog thank you - that made me laugh! If anyone have my dc a fishtank I'd be Hate fish!

Kittens would be ok though (though understand why not ok for you)!

[Oblomov]

I don't have an agenda.
I'm certainly not a bully. In the 9 years that I have been on Mn I do not recall being accused of being a bully.
And I was NOT refering to your previous posting history. I was refering to this thread alone. I have NEVER ever gone back and looked at other peorples previous thread and quoted them. That is not the done thing on MN. Your insinuation is thus insulting. I was refering to what you have posted on this thread alone. and beleive you me,you have posted plenty. And the under-current is quite strong.

So you have misunderstood there, for which I think you owe me an apolgoy.

But maybe its best if we just leave it there.
I haven't said anything to you that plenty of other posters haven't said to you.

And DrsWife, who was one of the few who agree with you, I know, from our PN thread. She would confirm that what you have said about me is totally untrue.

[toomanydaisies]

oblomov

"I think you are very controlling. And obsessive. And sound very clingy and helicopter parentish."

Felt like bullying to me.

I only have your one post to go by and it wasn't great. Your post upset me more than any others on here. Some people have been pretty rude but its clear they've skim-read or they've been funny and rude.

Sorry if I've upset you. I have no idea who you are. But why didn't you say yabu and explain why? Why the need for a personal attack?

[toomanydaisies]

Or maybe I'm being too sensitive.

It's possible.

[butterflyexperience]

Hahaha fab mil vs dil thread :)

I thought I was bad!!!

[butterflyexperience]

Oh and erm here's any idea:
If you don't want your 1yr old to eat the advent calendar chocolate, EAT IT YOURSELF !

[toomanydaisies]

butterfly yes, that is the plan

[butterflyexperience]

Good stuff, enjoy!

[toomanydaisies]

I will. Don't worry, it's not kinnerton. That would have been one step too far

[Oblomov]

Unreasonable and OTT
Total overreaction
I know I'm being a bit ott
You are being very controlling
I think you meed to get over yourself.
You really are a control freak aren't you?

I did read the whole thread. Every single post. I normally do, before posting.
You think what I said was bullying? I don't. I think if you read back many of the posts, you will see that many many people said exactly what I have said.
See above. And those are only the first few that I found. I didn't even get 1/4 of the way through the thread, in quoting posts.

But you took my particular post to be bullying?
I have a different defintion to you, of what consitutues bullying.
I still stand by everything I have said. I'm sorry of you don't like my perceptions, or if i have mis-read between the lines.

[toomanydaisies]

You do understand that this is an Internet forum where people can let off steam and say things they wouldn't in rl?

[toomanydaisies]

And yes, you have "mis-read between the lines"

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

unbelievable, Oblomov... just unbelievable. i particularly liked the 'and my friends will tell you i'm nice too'.

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

was she the one who suggested opening the gin?

[toomanydaisies]

ohhelpohno 21 pages actually....

And yes, that's pretty much the suggestion I went with. You also missed someone explaining how to make an advent tree with chocolate coins for each day of advent. Worth mentioning I feel as its such a great idea!

[toomanydaisies]

A great idea for when my dc are older and I'm less "controlling" about giving them chocolate every day, of course...