MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

Just be grateful you have a MIL to buy one. Mine died 13 years ago, and it wouldnt cross my mums mind to buy one!

OP- unclench.

But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes- she is not making you go to Lapalnd every year, she is buying a chocolate advent calendar because she thinks her GCs might like it and it might give them some happy moments.

She is not hijacking your Christmas
She is not taking over
She is not giving them chocolate cake every day for breakfast.

Really, choose your battles. Don't waste your energy on the small ones.

marchwillsoonbehere: obviously I was joking, the top of the thread was overwhelmingly pro-MIL, personally I was surprised there was n't more variation in the answers given the richness of the chocolate/MIL/Xmas/tradition material

My ex mil did this ever year knowing full well I'd made them one so I used to let them cut the activity off the back (most tacky ones have them) & pull all the chocs out, we would keep the plastic tray & make more chocs so I didn't look mean!! But I had no where to hang 3 calendars plus the ones I'd made!! one year she asked why I'd let the children cut them up & I said because we'd all made one and they love making extra chocs with the trays......she carried on for another 7 years I'm afraid!!
I always played it as if I was really grateful though as I think she did it to be nice to the kids as she never bought them anything throughout the year!! Bite ur lip and smile

treats thank you and well done on your home made efforts! V impressed.

tyranasaurus great idea....

Yabu its a bloody tiny bit of chocolate! They can have both advent calenders, get a grip!

We have both. It's a complete non issue.

We do the non chocolate one in the morning and the chocolate one once DD(8) gets in from school. It is now our tradition that MIL buys her her chocolate one (but it has to be a decent one, eg Lindt).

When my mother was alive, she did stockings for her grandchildren that Befana dropped off at her house.

My brothers' partners fortunately didn't snatch them away from their children saying "One stocking only and it has to be the one I provide"

None of her grandchildren appeared to suffer any "myth confusion".

Erm, where did you get the non-chocolate advent calendars from?

YABUAndATinyBitOTTTiggaxx

Yabu.

Two is twice as special.

But if yours isnt chocolate, save yours till next year!

YANBU my MIL has some serious boundary issues, she's in a strop with us because we held DDs birthday party at our house rather than hers last week, if your MIL is like mine OP, she takes silence to mean acceptance so I'd rather she be offended in the short term and understand your position than you go on for years quietly seething.

My SIL lets MIL get on with it and she now takes DNiece clothes shopping, to the dentist and hairdressers and has been on to the LEA about which school SIL should put DN down for.

It is an issue if people don't want there own children to have choc, it's a perfectly legit valid choice

Just as letting them have it is also a parents choice

When someone gives a gift, they're doing it as an act of kindness. It gives your MiL pleasure to do something that will make her grandchildren happy.

I think you should receive the gift in the spirit in which it was given. Returning gifts is a very hurtful thing to do. There is no harm in having two advent calendars (my DD has often had two), and although I'm not a great fan of kids stuffing their faces with chocolate, the chocs you get in advent calendars are usually very small.

Ds has stockings from us and from my mum and when my nan was alive from her as well - he loved them all.

Think you need to unclench a bit OP.

If it makes you feel any better OP, I got annoyed when MIL last year sent a link to an animated advent calendar on the computer. We are a one advent calendar family and that's that.

I don't even hold with the one for each person set-up because when I was a kid we had to share and take it in turns to open the door each day

Buying Advent calendars for your grandchildren does not signify boundary issues,

Scrooge RugBugs

My gm always bought me one, I miss that! Now the mil buys my son one, no problems at all. It's nice, if your not happy about the 1 year olds don't give them that one. But smile and say thank u it's sweet not a move for world domination

UABU

MIL wants to be involved, have a gift of advent calendar, not a biggie, get over yourself.

My MIL once sent one of those wooden truck advent calendars, which has little drawers that fall out as soon as you touch the damn thing to put chocolate in.

Lovely.

But she sent 'chocolate' with it that didn't even contain any cocoa solids.

The cow.

YANBU

I completely get where you're coming from. And at this age children love the little pictures. I have DSs aged 7, 4 & 2 and they all have pic ones from us and it's the first thing they think of when they get up in the morning. Last year DS2 was bought a choc one by his godmother which caused no end of squabbling. She meant well, I understand that.

On the other hand, my DM bought my 3DS one advent calendar between them "to remind them about the true meaning of Christmas" (DS3 was 1!!). It was a classical painting of the Virgin Mary and Child. And then she checked every couple of days that the children were appreciating it....

Has she done it to be nasty/undermine you?

YABU. It's an advent calender. She is not trying to take over your life, just biy her grandchildren a little treat! If you don't want the 1 year old to eat chocolate everyday eat it yourself!
Mountains and molehills...

You're right floggingmolly but my MIL also likes to be the one to take DGC to buy shoes, get haircuts and to see the dentist. She signed both up for her church nativity last year without either Mums knowledge but knowing that DSIL would be working and not able to go.
It's not that she's concerned for DGC welfare either, she refuses to have stair gates/keep the back door closed because then the dogs couldn't roam the house looking for beloved toys to devour

OP - i do kind of get where you're coming from, I do. I felt that things like stockings & advent calendars were more for the parents to sort out.

MIL loves getting my DC both.

My current compromise is:
i bought a lovely fabric advent calendar that the kids use every year, it's a religious scene (not that we're overly religious but I feel we ought to mention the Christmas story a few times at least!).
If MIL buys them chocolate ones, then fine.
I have stipulated no Kinerton crap
Some years she does, some years she doesn't. I haven't found out if she's got ones this year or not yet.
The kids love them though and MIL seems to appreciate my more relaxed stance.

Re stockings - well this year is fine as we're dong an early Christmas with them so the kids can have stockings on the 8th and then from me (FC) on the day itself.

If PIL are here, well the kids get their FC ones first thing and the PIL ones given to them later on direct from PIL - it's just like more presents really rather than an actual stocking.

So, to sum up, i think you need to chart a course that you're comfortable with within the bounds of what is likely to happen.
Put the DC first and think what they would like/appreciate.

Remember that the GPs won't be around forever and we should value the memories our DC are making of them. You said yourself you missed on GPs growing up, think how lovely it is for your DCs to make those memories :)