MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

I really don't think you are proving love through chocolate! Unless I missed it, we don't know what sort of chocolates they were. I can't think that a child minds more than one Advent calendar.

yanbu.

Choc advent calendars are the work of the devil. We have naice paper ones.

People are pretty mean here aren't they. I've read every post and am grateful for most of them - both agreeing AND disagreeing with me. A few people have just been very rude. And unkind actually. But hey, says more about them and I'm not upset. If I hadn't posted I would never have discovered the gin advent calendars or chocolate coin trees. They're made this whole thread worthwhile!

I get it OP - YANBU. I also grew up with just my parents and no GPs or Aunts/Uncles and I had ONE advent calendar each year. The anticipation each morning of what the picture would be and seeing the number of closed doors whittle down was a part of the whole christmas excitement for me, and I agree that having several to open just wouldn't be the same. I do think I understand where you're coming from with this.

However, I've just had my first child, and this kid is going to have a completely different family life and christmas to mine. He'll have loads of uncles, aunts, cousins and both sets of GPs to celebrate with and I think I (and maybe you..?) need to accept that I won't be able to recreate my own lovely childhood experiences because the set up is just so different. But what we'll miss out on will be more than offset but lots of wonderful new experiences. It can be hard, but try to embrace the changes!

I have to agree though, choc calendars are shite..!

habitualLurker thank you. You're right - got to think positive and having lots of loving family around is pretty amazing.

Well I now want to get a hotel £12 one and dip it in the gin one then finish it before the end of the week

I think the answer you're looking for is...

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get a fucking grip. ;)

wannaBe what a way with words you have......

This has nothing to do with chocolate or advent calendars. Your MIL gets up your nose by breathing and anything she does annoys you, I suspect.
YABU.

I was also really excited by the picture thing. But that's the kind of kid I was and also I was a child growing up in the 70s when chocolate advent calendars hadn't been invented.

On the other hand, when I was a kid, my nan used to buy me those selection boxes for Xmas and I used to eat the whole lot by the end of boxing day ( I had to or or a sibling would scoff it). I was very nearly sick on several occasions. DS's GPs wouldn't dream of buying him one of those :o

tanteclaire no, anything you say annoys me though. Get off my thread

Either the DC will be excited by the picture or they won't - you can't make them be excited!

Op i'm sorry people have sometimes stooped really quite low on here. It actually reached this many pages because you sparked an interesting debate about peoples xmas traditions and how much we let others in on them. Some of the twatty comments you have received were ill thought out crap from those who didnt read the whole thread.

And i didnt see it as mil bashing because i agreed with you and my offender is my own mother who i get on with. I'd be interesting to see how similar themes would pan out like those on the poncetastic xmas thread how do they react if the dc's are gifted tacky crap like a mooning santa that doesnt fit with their carefully chosen theme? Would that spark the rage?

Op yadnbu.

Multiple advent calendars dilute the excitement. Same with the 2xstockings.

Grandparents are so much more involved controlling now. They expect to behave like parents and it takes away from the parent/child experience.

I have a wonderful Gran who loved me dearly as a child. She read to me, played with me and we have a special relationship, but she never stood on my mothers toes by trying to take her place or her responsibilities.

My own mil is very kind and would never step on my toes. I'm making mine stockings this year and id be really disappointed if she bought them instead.

The DDs have grown up getting loads of advent calendars and stockings, it's never detracted from the excitement at all.

I suspect what does detract from the excitement is having all the grown ups round you bitching at each other.

She never stood on my mothers toes by trying to take her place or her responsibilities
It's an advent calendar. The "controlling" you mention is definitely not coming from the mil. Even if she decided to do a stocking too, where exactly is the problem? I'm genuinely baffled.
Are you the type who doles out lists to everyone, and bitches when anyone dares to freestyle? That's controlling.

Thank you to the last 2 posters who assume I "bitch" at/to my mil. I don't. I occasionally vent on here.

Some parents are happy for their dc to have multiple calendars/stockings.
Some parents think that detracts from the excitement and specialness.

Each to their own, eh. But enough of the name calling and vile assumptions. C'mon it's Tuesday morning. Go and have an eggnog latte or something.

You rather dread being a grandparent when a simple Advent calendar is going to be seen as 'treading on the parent's toes'!
I think that are some pretty insecure parents around if they worry that an extra calendar is going to detract from the excitement!
Use a bit of imagination- open one in the morning and one as you go to bed!
What would spoil it is touchy parents who make it all so difficult - the sensible DC would want to say ' it's not worth the hassle'!

Its thursday actually.. you need a calendar you know...

runs

Can't a grandmother give her grandchildren gifts any more?

My MIL gets my dcs one each. Usually chocolate. Has done every year for at least 5 yrs. Dds are 4 & 9. When dd2 was a baby, I would eat the choc, or dd1 would have it in the evening.

It's 24 days. Surely they can have that!

The best traditions are laid back ones- if you have one that has to be jealously guarded in case someone 'spoils it' you need to ask yourself whether it is worth having!

Anything that happens once in my family seems to become a tradition. So if the Op's scenario happened last year in our house, my kids would be starting to say "when's granny going to bring the chocolate advent calendars?" about now.

Light touch, organic, child led traditions, and you'll still be happily doing them when your children are teenagers.

Contrived, imposed, mother pleasing "traditions" and I guarantee they will fall apart as soon as .the children are old enough to make their own decisions. Particularly if, as children do, they get a whiff of mum being tight lipped to granny about it.

Controlling and OTT - I do sometime wonder what's going on in peoples heads it shakes of being a spoilt brat. The poor MIL went into a shop and thought arhh they will love these and bought them firstly be grateful for them having grandparent who care and secondly the choccie issue it one that really get's up my nose as others have said its not poison.

I agree goingupinsmoke.

I think if you see ulterior motives in simple kindness the world will become a very sad place.

I never know what my DCs grandparents are going to pull out of the hat next for them, and I don't mind. They are loved and the GPs get a thrill out of seeing happy faces now that their own children have grown up and flown the nest. I owe them a lot.

Thursday. Wow. I DO news a calendar!!