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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

543 replies

toomanydaisies · 14/11/2012 06:42

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 14/11/2012 16:22

I find it really annoying if anyone else buys DS an advent calendar, last year he ended up with about four Confused Surely it is for the parent(s) to decide whether they have one or not, and it would be nice for DS to get to choose his advent calendar himself, it's what I remember about Christmas.

They only need one and the fun of it is getting to open up that one special door every day, having more than one to open just isn't as special.

I'm really surprised to see that most people are fine with this?

usualsuspect3 · 14/11/2012 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruffin · 14/11/2012 16:31

Why isn't it special.
My dcs often had more than one and look forward to them every year.
Ds 17 was looking longingly at the hotel chocolate one last week .May pop in on 2ND December to see if they any reduced.

TheseGoToEleven · 14/11/2012 16:34

We have two in our house, one that is non-chocolate and one that is chocolate.

BertieBotts · 14/11/2012 16:37

I can see the point of having two different kinds, say one chocolate and one non-chocolate.

But the exciting thing about having a chocolate one is seeing what little chocolate shape and what picture you have each day. If you have four, they're going to be repeated and it isn't as fun.

I just have fond memories of having ONE chocolate advent calendar and it being a special thing and think having more than one cheapens/ruins it. That's my opinion, it's just not.

TiggyD · 14/11/2012 16:39

Christmas is all about remembering the baby Jesus being nailed to a bar of chocolate by Santa.

aftereight · 14/11/2012 16:46

Tiggy Grin Grin

LettyAshton · 14/11/2012 16:52

YABU - what a poxy battle to pick

I don't like that old Kinnerton chocolate in Advent Calendars but kids seem to have less sophisticated palates!

I remember when dd was given a chocolate Advent Calendar by mil. Needless to say dd was up to 23rd December about ten minutes later...

StuntGirl · 14/11/2012 16:54

It depends on your personal values dosen't it? You have decided you don't like chocolate advent calendars and have gone so far as to purchase/make an activity based one instead. So for someone to come along and essentially try to bypass and steamroller your plans, even though I doubt its what she intended, is bound to be annoying.

You could have just said "Oh thanks but I've already got them an advent calendar" and returned them if you really didn't want them. Maybe futher elaborate "We're trying to teach the kids to take an active part in doing things over Christmas, and we're using the advent calendars for that" if you think explaining your thought process would help soften the blow.

YouOldSlag · 14/11/2012 17:06

*They only need one and the fun of it is getting to open up that one special door every day, having more than one to open just isn't as special.

I'm really surprised to see that most people are fine with this?*

The advent calendar is just one of many Christmas traditions in our family. Hurting grandparents feelings isn't one of them.

My Dad is always buying unsuitable food and stuff for the kids. It's really kind of him, I thank him, I get the kids to thank him, and if they don't eat it, he never needs to know. I would hate to hurt him.

I'm surprised that you're surprised many people are fine with this. Everybody does Christmas differently. Advent calendars are a small part of that, but not the be all and end all. One advent calendar, two advent calendars...whatever. it's hardly going to ruin Christmas. But returning one would really hurt the giver for a long time so if it was me, I would say nothing.

Horsemad · 14/11/2012 17:08

YANBU OP, this is YOUR time and you stand your ground! My MIL bought my DS a Thornton's Easter egg when he was 9 months old and then got the hump because I ate it!!! I had told her I would do this if she insisted on buying it, so no idea why she was narked.

OldMumsy · 14/11/2012 17:19

YouOldSlag you are a sweetie. I did the same for my DF when he was alive. (He once managed to lose the twins at a seafront fun park too and still we didn't tear him a new one).

The oldies aren't around for ever and Christmas is for them too. I wish they still were here though.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 14/11/2012 17:22

I love a good Christmas thread and it's only feckin November Grin

OP YABU and Scroogetastic.

YouOldSlag · 14/11/2012 17:31

Thank you OldMumsy. I'm getting a bit disheartened about all the GP bashing just for an advent calendar.

My Dad probably won't be around in five years time so these young years and Christmas memories are precious. I miss my GPs terribly and they were always involved in Christmas in some way. My Mum and Dad would never have dreamed of returning things or telling them not to do stuff.

MamaBear17 · 14/11/2012 17:34

My MIL has done the same for my 1 year old and I am annoyed too. On two fronts, firstly because by buying the advent calender for my dd I feel a bit put out because we are getting her a special one (a wooden reusable one) and secondly because I do not want to give dd chocolate, even in small amounts, every day. I completely acknowledge that it was kindly meant, but the fact that my MIL ran out and bought the calenders as soon as they hit the shops at the end of September makes me feel that there was a small element of 'getting in there first' either before me or my mum. (My mum wouldnt get her one anyway as she knows that I wouldnt give her chocolate every day). I don't want to upset my MIL, so will be gracious and accept it and maybe put one or two pieces of chocolate in the wooden calender that we are getting dd, along with grapes, strawberries and raisins. If MIL asks I will just say that daddy is eating the chocolate for dd as she is a bit young. I know that we will be inundated with chocolate gifts for dd over Christmas, we were last year and she was only 5 months! At Easter, she was bought 9 chocolate eggs from family members - 9! I took a nice picture of her first Easter haul and then gave it all away. This year I have just decided to smile and say thank you and then let DH eat it all!

YouOldSlag · 14/11/2012 17:40

but the fact that my MIL ran out and bought the calenders as soon as they hit the shops at the end of September makes me feel that there was a small element of 'getting in there first'

Or maybe she was just excited?

People are applying all sorts of unreasonable motives to GPs buying advent calendars for GCs. I reckon they are just buying advent calendars because having a small child in the family at Christmas is incredible.

Mamabear- whatever your thoughts on it, at least you are saying thank you and not hurting feelings.

Madmum24 · 14/11/2012 17:44

OP, I have been in your parenting shoes. Wanting to treasure the moments, creating special traditions, gifts made with love, extortionately expensive wooden toys rather plastic.

You are wasting your time though, kids always prefer the tacky, blingy, loud, flashing light alternative.

Don'[t sweat the small stuff, accept the advent calendar gratefully and let the kids enjoy themselves. That's what it's about isn't it?

LittleMissFlustered · 14/11/2012 17:45

Lob them in the bin, seriously. It's not December yet so there's plenty of time for the kids to forget about them:)

BonaDea · 14/11/2012 17:47

YANBU. I hate chocolate advent calendars too.

I think you might need to suck it up this year but perhaps for next year tell her long in advance (if she's anything like my MIL she'll buy in the 2013 January sales!) that you would prefer not to have them next year.

seeker · 14/11/2012 17:53

Oh, and all of you intent on "precious moments" and " making memories".

You have absolutely no idea until later which moments will be precious and memories will be wonderful to your children until they are older. "Do you remember that granny always used to buy us those calendars with the fake chocolate in them? I remember starting to look forward to them in about September!!!!"

Oh, and you need to beware - "Do you remember how mum always used to try to stop us having them? I think she thought we didn't realise she was cross with granny about it, but I always knew. I hated that bit"

fallingsun · 14/11/2012 18:00

Yanbu. Will she know whether you use them or not?I'd be tempted to not use them, or use one between all of you?

Gimblinginthewabe · 14/11/2012 18:05

My mum was like you and I really wanted one and was never allowed :-( Its just a little bit of chocolate, they are really tiny! I agree about the one year old, but you can "help" them eat their one!

YouOldSlag · 14/11/2012 18:27

seeker- I agree.

KitchenandJumble · 14/11/2012 18:29

YABU. It was a nice, thoughtful gesture. Why not just accept it in that spirit without all this angst?

I don't understand the desire to micromanage everyone's contributions to Xmas. And I say that as someone with distinct control freakish tendencies.

Why on earth shouldn't a beloved grandparent express her love for her granchildren with an advent calendar? Your SIL was beyond rude in refusing the gift. I do think you are much more polite and reasonable than her! And allowing your 5-year-old to enjoy the choc advent calendar is a good compromise.

YouOldSlag · 14/11/2012 18:33

Yes kitchen, it's ridiculous getting so het about an advent calendar. It's a nice gesture from a loving grandparent at Christmas. OP-you may have bigger issues to bear later in life so save your energy for that.

GPs come with the territory when you have kids. Choose your battles and let some things go. You can't fight them on everything. This is a nice gesture, she's not dictating your Christmas Day plans forevermore.