"school snobbery"

[dinkybinky]

I think it?s hysterical that some people think that if you child doesn?t attend a Grammar school or selective independent then they?re not academic. The level of ?school snobbery? that goes on is quite bewildering sometimes.

I live in Kent and fell into trap the prepping my child for Grammar school, without visiting other schools in the area. My child passed the Grammar school exam . However, we have chosen the local faith school as our first choice, because i feel that it is better than the Grammar school

Those who think that the teaching in Grammar schools is better, are greatly mistaken. The reason i entered my dd for the 11+ exam was not because i thought that the teaching would be better, it was because i believe that the expectations for the students at GS are generally higher than the average comp.

Along the same lines, we used to get quite a lot of kids from top public schools who thought that getting into Oxford was a done deal. Most of them were wrong. A parent saying 'my child could have gone to Oxford but chose not to' is also quite likely to be prey to the same delusion...

I haev never said my daughters could have gone to Oxbridge. Never. I have said one was in the bottom of 5 sets for maths. I said they didn't try, not that they would have got in. Presumably they were pretty sure they wouldn't get in.

I wrote quite a lot of books so it's pretty like no one on mumsnet has written more but that's not at all hard and I made virtually no money from it at all.

I don't think I've ever said what I earn.

I don't mind people writing about me but I don't want to be misrepresented.

Also how does that feed into "snobbery"? Plenty of women earn a pittance and think that's all they are good for. Loads of them adore to hear about women who earn £1k a day as it inspires them.

Certain things are purely facts - such as if you say "haitch" that does not go down very well in many contexts. By all means say it but be aware that in an initial telephone interview some employers and indeed potential husbands will then rule that person out. You well think you are well rid of people to whom that matters but be aware that it does matter to many.

"You tell me. I?ve only been reading MN for 3 months yet I know that you have at least 2 girls, one at NLCS and one that used to go to habs who (to use your own words) could have got into Oxford but didn?t bother applying . She now works in the City. You have written more books than any other MN member (do you know them all) you pay your own school fees and earn over 100k. You really can?t see that this thread was actually about you, can you?

ahh don't worry seeker, xenia called me pathetic for caring for my severely disabled child. Apparently I should just get a couple of croatians to do it instead whilst i become a Dr

I've been on MN quite a while and Xenia has always been consistent in what she says. BTW - she has written a lot of books quite possibly more that most if not all MN - work related rather than fiction.

I have always heard what she says about women working as having an underlying message of protect yourself financially and don't allow yourself to be automatically pigeonholed into "women's jobs" or tolerate being underpaid for your skills.

easy enough to say chazs if you have a choice but the only choice I would have to work is if I gave my daughter over to the state to look after, which I don't want to do. I have therefore made that choice of sacrifice in order to make sure she is properly cared for at home by me. I haven't sacrificed my career for my husband, I did it for my daughter because she needs me and I think i am the best person for the job. I don't need to be patronised by someone who has absolutely no idea at all of what i do day in and day out and how I feel.

I know who Xenia is btw

Why did OwlL make the sacrifice and not Mr OwlL - surely that is a sexist choice? Just because female care and earn nothing and just because male do not do the caring and earn.

I would never say anyone was pathetic for caring for a disabled child. However a lot of people who feel inadequate in themselves will read into things things which aren't there I suppose.

Now that really was nasty.

OwlLady
I agree that the choice isn't there for everyone and I certainly recognise how lucky I am. In the end you do what is best for your family and you are best placed to judge what that is.

It was simply that people sometimes suggest that Xenia is saying things solely to wind people up but she has actually been saying broadly the same things for years so its not intended to wind up a specific poster on this thread for example. I am not saying that it doesn't wind people up

x post

Xenia - that last sentence was unecessary.

I say haitch. I say a lot worse than that too, sometimes. innit. I went to a state school, worse than that - a comp. My kids (yeah, saying kids is apparently a sign of belonging to the lower orders too) go to state schools, although one of them is at one of the best (in every sense of the word except the one referring to the fabric of the school buildings and the provisions for vegetarians on school trips)super selectives in the country. I went to Cambridge. I earn above what Xenia uses as the cut off point for a decent wage. I'm from London, but I don't live there any more, although I work there (when I'm not working in Brussels or New York or a multitude of other places). I've written lots of things, some of them have been passed into law all over the world.

Xenia likes to pigeonhole people (and to be fair she really isn't the only one).

It's not a wise course of action.

I don't mind being pigeonholed by my size, my colouring, or my leisure interests but that's it. I suspect most people are the same (and some might be prepared to accept even less pigeonholing than I am).

@nit - it was nasty but actually so was the comment from Owl lady that she knows who Xenia is. That read like a veiled threat and I think it was well out of order.

I don't feel inadequate about myself xenia, not at all and I have worked even when the children were babies but at the moment I need to be at home caring for my daughter, who is a teenager, full time. There are all sorts of reasons why I have chosen to do that and not my husband but please don't kid yourself that only one person looks after a severely disabled child/adult, it's a full time job and it affects the whole family not just the named carer

I am not threatening Xenia get a grip fgs.

OL was probably just making the point that I may well not be a fictional construct.

I am saying that employers, people we meet, potential spouses etc all pigeonhole others. Obviously it is better if employers can pick the best candidate which may well be one who says haitch like all the customers or it may be they will be typing all day and how they speak matters not a jot, but it is wise people know that people pigeon hole that if you are fat your job prospects are worse, if you say haitch that is held against you, if you look like the back end of a bus and wear the wrong clothes that may matter in some work contexts. I was at something the other night and very different from everyone else and was interested in how that was but like most people we all try to get on with everyone in real life. One of the nice things about the internet is you can be in touch with people you might never have contact with off line.

However my bottom line is that all cultures everywhere and in every time have had pecking orders and people seeking to triumph over others whether that be the biggest penis gourd or breasts or sharpest mind or in some cultures the biggest bottom. That is just how it is. You can play the game or I could withdraw to my island in my grass skirt and withdraw from it but it's all just a bit of fun really as we go about leading at heart similar lives with illnesses and deaths which apply whatever our accent or work.

Threatening! I think owllady was making the point that she knows Xenia's stance on women/work/pay without it being explained ..... Not that she knows where she lives

I could be wrong but I don't think owllady was planning any form of attack!!!

@xenia according to one of my colleagues the worst thing to be in the world in terms of it damaging your prospects is tiny and ginger. But he might be winding me up Or indeed he might be complimenting me on how amazingly well I've done despite being so disadvantaged.

The fact is, if you are mediocre then yes, things like what you look like will have a bearing on how you are regarded. If however you are superb at what you do then it ceases to matter and you can be a maverick.

only after dark what with being an owl and everything! I do know who Xenia is though but I really don't have any inclination to do anything with that information, sinister or otherwise :) I recognised you in a Sunday supplement Xenia regarding something you have posted about here. I cannot even remember your real name though, I can just remember your job etc but please rest assured I am not some kind of psychotic stalker, so you can rest easy

Why make the comment unless it was a threat to out her? Not pleasant at all. Neither was the swearing via initials reaction. Aggressive and a bit nasty.

becvause chazs posted this

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Fri 16-Nov-12 16:40:06
I've been on MN quite a while and Xenia has always been consistent in what she says. BTW - she has written a lot of books quite possibly more that most if not all MN - work related rather than fiction.

I replied I knew who she was!

it was not a threat it was a statement. You are reading what owllady said incorrectly mordion

Mordion
There's quite a few people who know who Xenia is in real life. I've used one of her books in work before now. No one is going to out her on this thread.

Tough, Chaz what on earth makes you think I'm not one of them. Look. People use nicknames for many reasons. If they were happy to go by their own name they would. If anyone said 'I know who you are' on MN to me I would be extremely not pleased about that.

If Xenia is fine with being outed by someone on MN then that's her business. But that sort of comment isn't common round here and everybody knows it.