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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or was this women rude to respond like this?

47 replies

laanndaaannanny · 13/11/2012 12:41

Was rushing to catch the train to take children to school this morning and didn't have time to use the old slow lift, so thought we'd go for the stairs. As people will generally offer to help with buggy. Got up with the help of a lovely man but when I needed to go down the other side no one offered to help. So I asked a lady if she could please help me lift the front of the push chair down. She looked horrified at m and then said no wonder know ones helping you if you've got that attitude. I didn't know what to say and so just said sorry? I said please. She said yes but I was obviously assuming people would help me which was very rude of me. I had to children with me do just bumped the buggy down the stairs instead. But aibu to think this was rude of her not me?

OP posts:

Whatnowffs · 13/11/2012 12:43

She was rude, i suppose it depends on how you asked.

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 13/11/2012 12:43

It was a little bit of an overreaction on her part unless you were particularly rude when you asked.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 13/11/2012 12:47

she was rude - but maybe she was having a shit day. I totally ripped someone for very poor customer service (which they acknowledged) but I had just been given a very bad diagnosis on dc2. All ended well -it was a mis diagnosis - and I swear I heard the staff laughing at my remark as I flounced out of the store

HecatePropylaea · 13/11/2012 12:47

Unless you snapped it at her in a pissed off 'you MUST help me' way, then she was being weird.

Original poster

laanndaaannanny · 13/11/2012 12:48

My exact words were 'sorry, can you just help me carry the front of the buggy down please.' I wouldn't have minded if she'd have just said no. But it then felt like she was lecturing me during morning rush hour which was quite embarrassing.

OP posts:

Whatnowffs · 13/11/2012 12:52

YEah, she was a wanker - now think nice thoughts and have a good day :)

whois · 13/11/2012 13:37

Well, I think you shouldn't expect help when there IS a lift you could have taken. You were disorganised and late. You're fault. She could have a back problem or be unsteady on her feet and not want to help you.

MrsBovary · 13/11/2012 13:43

Perhaps because you asked rather than wait to be offered help? And there being the option of a lift.

Tee2072 · 13/11/2012 13:45

I agree with whois. She may have been rude in her response, but I think you were presumptuous that someone would help you.

Next time, use the lift.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy · 13/11/2012 13:48

Oh lord, here we go. No YANBU she was being a twat. However, I never expect people to help me with the kids/buggy, and make sure I can manage, for this very reason, a lot of people are total twats.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/11/2012 13:49

How could it be unreasonable to ask for help? Too many people just struggle on when people would help them happily if asked. All she had to say was "Sorry, I can't" if she didn't want to help or couldn't. Could you have sounded irritable when you asked because you were rushing?

ihavenofuckingclue · 13/11/2012 13:49

Funny one really. She didn't have to be quite so rude. But then you didn't have to put yourself in the position of aiding for help. It is annoying when people don't use the facilities created for them and expect others to help them instead.
I don't know I think you were both possible bu.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy · 13/11/2012 13:50

whois If she had a bad back, couldn't walk, had leprosy or what ever such shit, she would have said wouldn't she? No, sorry dear my arms could well fall off if I lift your buggy.

She refused out of principle, I think that's obvious.

Tee2072 · 13/11/2012 13:52

I wouldn't say, Alien. I have many health problems that would prevent me from helping. But I certainly wouldn't list them to some stranger on the top of the stairs!

I would say 'sorry I can't'.

It wasn't U to ask for help. It is U to expect help.

Cluffyfunt · 13/11/2012 13:53

I don't think you were rude at all!

You are entitled to ask for help -you asked

She is entitled to say 'no'.

We should all help each other and ask for help when we want it IMO.

Wommer · 13/11/2012 13:58

Yanbu. At all. She wdbu
And whether there was a lift or not doesn't make a difference IMHO.
I don't get why it's a problem to need help - or to put yourself in a position where you do.. I often go to our (liftless) station knowing that I'll need help and rely on people's good will - haven't been let down yet.
Maybe I've got inch thick rose tinted specs on but I hope we don't yet live in a society where we have to assume no-one will help a person struggling with a buggy and DCs.

redskyatnight · 13/11/2012 14:01

It's a very odd thing to say if you weren't being rude. Therefore I suspect that you inadvertently might have let some of your exasperation at no one offering to help come out in your voice and you did come over as rude.

MrsCantSayAnything · 13/11/2012 14:03

If you came across as harried, it may have looked impatient....do you get what I mean at all?

Maybe you were a bit stressy and she construed it as impatience?

cumfy · 13/11/2012 14:04

I would use the lift.

I do find it a little difficult to envisage the scenario you've described.
There must have been something about what you said which provoked the
response, unless she smiled broadly like she was trying to wind you up.
It comes across that you were a bit desperate and slightly "bolshy" in your determination to catch the train, and it was your choice not to use the lift.

justabigdisco · 13/11/2012 14:04

Sorry but there is no way I would ask a stranger to carry my pushchair down stairs when there is a functioning lift

pigletmania · 13/11/2012 14:06

YANBU at all, the woman was rude and selfish. If someone asks me I always help, everyone out for themselves eh

Pagwatch · 13/11/2012 14:10

She was probably rude. But it is possible that your request sounded much more polite in your head than out loud.
A lady tried to get on a busy tube with us last night and said 'can you move up a bit please' at which point everyone looked at her like because her one was fucking rude. No one moved. She snarled 'well thanks!'

I wondered if she would be on here today

Wommer · 13/11/2012 14:17

Piglet - couldn't agree more!

MrsCantSayAnything · 13/11/2012 14:19

A woman once barked at me in a shop "Can you pass me one of those?" and pointed to something that was on a low shelf by my feet...she was standing next to me.

I said "No but I'll move and you can reach it yourself then"

And she was but really...I have a bad back..which of course she didn't know...I wasn't bending for someone who looked perfectly capable of it herself!

Why didn't she say "Excuse me would you mind...I just need to get one of those..." and asked me to move!?

Original poster

laanndaaannanny · 13/11/2012 14:29

I was late because the busses were running late. I couldn't get the lift because we'd have then missed the train as they take at least 5 minutes to go up and over to the other side. I suppose I may have been stressed from being late so sounded off perhaps.

OP posts:

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