Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's weird that a parent hangs about my child's nursery all the time?

138 replies

Christmas78 · 13/11/2012 10:49

I should start by saying I know I'm paranoid. I just don't know if I'm being completely paranoid this time!

Regularly when I pick up my baby there is this one father sitting around in the baby room at the nursery chatting to the girls who work there. He's a parent of one of the older babies so he's got a right to be there. I just don't get why he's there all the time! I pick my DS up at different times of the day as I work from home so it's definitely not just a one off. And why does he hang around like it's his sitting room or a coffee shop?

My issues are 1) the girls spend all their time bantering with him when I feel they should be focussing on the babies and 2) I just find it a bit weird that he's around my child so often and not a carer. I mean, I'm tempted to ask if they've blimming CRB checked him.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 13/11/2012 10:52

I agree, that's odd. I'd speak to the management of the nursery.

quoteunquote · 13/11/2012 10:54

Does his child have any special health needs that means he has to be there?

My friends have a toddler with diabetes and have to be at school most of the time to do tests and give medication.

ENormaSnob · 13/11/2012 10:55

Yep I think it's weird too.

Tweasels · 13/11/2012 10:55

Is he not just coincidentally picking his child up at the same time as you?

Could he be an ex-employee?

Could one of the staff be his DP or a relative?

If you're concerned that the staff aren't looking after the babies properly you should talk to the manager.

WitchesTit · 13/11/2012 10:55

Ask the staff who he is? Then explain the situation, that you think he is distracting the staff, to the manager.

In reality though, he might just have a clingy child who feels better if he is close by.

nokidshere · 13/11/2012 10:55

Why don't you ask?

I would Grin! I would say "blimey are you here again, they will have to start paying you soon" and see what the response is.

SoupDragon · 13/11/2012 10:56

Would you think it weird if it were the mother?

squeakytoy · 13/11/2012 10:58

for starters a CRB means absolutely bugger all.. and I wonder if you would even think of saying that if it were a woman hanging around chatting to the other girls..

Original poster
Christmas78 · 13/11/2012 11:06

SoupDragon and Squeakytoy I've no idea how I'd feel in another situation. Asking opinions on this one.

Actually, I'd think it was just as weird if it were the mother since I for one am in and out as quick as possible BUT I don't think the girls would be as distracted by a mother as they seem to be by the father so maybe I wouldn't be as annoyed. Hard to say.

WitchesTit I hadn't thought of it being something like that but the advice is usually that it's unhelpful for parents to hang around if the child is clingy / struggling to settle in so I dont know.

This is helping me to process my thoughts though and I think the thing that bothers me most is that I don't really want an adult I haven't been introduced to and hasn't gone through the nursery checks hanging around my child for long periods of time so I'm going to mention it I think.

OP posts:
BornSour · 13/11/2012 11:15

If you're concerned that the staff are not watching the babies then talk to the nursery manager.

To be honest though, the fact that you are uncomfortable and are thinking of CRB checks says to me that you're worried just becasue he's a man.

So, maybe you just pick your children up at the same time. Maybe he's had a few children through the nursery so he knows the staff. Maybe he's just friendly and outgoing and likes to have a chat before he heads off. So many maybes eh?

fluffyraggies · 13/11/2012 11:23

Be it a man or a woman, if there was someone hanging about my DCs nursery distracting the staff i would be a bit Hmm about it too.

Ask the manager OP. If he's not meant to be there for any good reason, ie staying with his child, and he's distracting staff, then someone in charge should be inforrmed.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/11/2012 11:28

Are you sure he's not there as a parent helper? He might be a volunteer and if so would have been CRB checked.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/11/2012 11:29

Because he is a pervert, clearly Hmm

Constant paedophile witchhunt stories on here ATM

MrsCantSayAnything · 13/11/2012 11:32

Fanjo there is a horrible culture on MN where people are NEVER allowed to express discomfort regarding their DC and adults they do not know as people like you come on and stamp on them.

What you are doing there is as bad as any "witch hunt" and it's a horrid attitude to take. People who need advice may be put off asking in future.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/11/2012 11:33

oh well, that's me told eh.

I stand by what I said, it is massively overreacting to object to a father being at nursery when his baby is there and he is entitled to be there.

threesocksmorgan · 13/11/2012 11:35

I would ask, in a "who is he " way. pretending I thought he worked there.
I am just nosy though

MrsCantSayAnything · 13/11/2012 11:36

People should be able to express their discomfort though. That's what makes a parent a parent...having instincts. they're not always right...but that doesn't mean they should not come on here to discuss them and then get eye rolled at.

SugarplumMary · 13/11/2012 11:36

He could be a parent helper?

One thing that meant I didn't start DS and DD2 at a preschool eldest went to was partly a boy friend of the manager daughter who worked there was in and out and hanging round at the time. Actually between the short gap between my two DC there the boy friend was changed but the behaviour didn't.

The was nothing wrong with either bloke - but I thought it bad practise and the other staff were so used to them being round they?d think nothing of them being round or being left unsupervised.

Best bet ? ask someone at your DC nursury see what they say.

fluffyraggies · 13/11/2012 11:37

It's not over reacting to be worried about the staff being distracted by someone though.

The 'father' 'with his baby' and 'being entitled' is just MN additions at the mo.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/11/2012 11:38

They can discuss away, they will get a lot of people agreeing that it is shocking and appalling that an actual MAN will be present in a nursery where his child is so I'm sure me finding the concern somewhat ridiculous won't prevent people from posting.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/11/2012 11:39

Staff being distracted, is more of a fair point.

Although the man could have just been there for 5-10 minutes for all the OP knows!

But there are so many threads on here at the moment with people crying paedophile at the drop of a hat, it's depressing.

YouOldSlag · 13/11/2012 11:42

I would mention it to the manager simply because if the staff are talking to him, they are not watching the children.

Anything else is conjecture.

MrsCantSayAnything · 13/11/2012 11:42

Fanjo Im sure people would be concerned if it were a woman hanging round there if she was not employed by the nursery.

Don't worry too much about men. They've been looking after themselves very well for the last few thousand years.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/11/2012 11:44

People would be concerned about a woman "hanging around there" and chatting to staff for a bit after drop off?

I suspect not so much, and if they were then they need to find something better to do tbh.

fluffyraggies · 13/11/2012 11:46

If the staff are being easily distracted than that is a worry actually.

They should be profesional enough not to be distracted. Weather or not he has a reason to be there. You need your wits about you at all times where little ones are concerned.