Awful situation over inheritance-who is BU?

[whoisright]

I have namechanged as this is such a volatile subject in my family....despite the fact that nobody has even died yet

It is a long story and it is bothering me every day because I do not know what to do or say and it is causing no end of upset and stress within the family.

I am the eldest of 3, our parents divorced years ago. My mum lives in family home (big-ish house in good area) with my younger sister who is planning on moving out soon with her dp so they can live together.

HOWEVER dsis has some health issues (epilepsy) and our mum wants to provide for her so the house will (when our parents have died) go to her, if she has moved out she will just move straight back in again and take it over (no mortgage so she wont have to worry about paying as she has no job).

I have accepted this, but my brother is livid. absolutely livid and has said there is no way he will accept this, he wants the house sold and the money split 3 ways. He has said that yes, she is ill but that we all have problems in our lives and it shouldnt be just one child that is provided for.
He himself has a good job, 2 children but a lot of debt and is renting so sees the money as possibly a deposit for a house and he has mentioned to me that my circumstances are not great (we live in a council house, have 4 dcs with a genetic condition and debts too) but really after living with my sister and seeing her every day I know she will never really be able to work so will not get a chance to get a house like that-she is currently waiting for a council flat to move in with her dp temporarily untill time comes that hey get the family home.

I think my brother should really give this up now, stop going on about it and just accept it like I have. The last thing I want in a few years time is to be caught up in a horrible battle over a house. Yes, that amount of money would be life changing but at the end of the day it is my mums house and it is her choice which of her children she leaves it to.

It is causing a lot of tension between my brother and sister they are both gearing up towards a huge fight over this at some point and I dont know what to say. What do i do?

sock how would feel if one of your children was planning their life around you dying.

Because that's what's happening. Dsis is planning her life around what her mother may leave.

But its the sister who has described her. That's where the impression has come from.

I think the mum may not really view the sister clearly.

The problem is that so much emotion can be wrapped up in inheritance. If the mother was leaving more to the dsis I could get it. But to not leave anything at all to the others is quite shocking.

although I am starting to think the op is the sis Tbh.

The children are planning their lives around her dying because she's discussing the terms of her will at the age of 60, in perfect health. Is it just me or is this shit stirring behaviour on her part?
My parents are both gone, but none of us had any inkling of the terms of their wills before hand, or wanted to.

I think you may be right flogging.

I don't even think the mother has a will or actually owns the whole house. The OP is being very evasive in a few things. I think there is more to this.

The other thing of course-& I think that this has been mentioned, is that the sister´s partner could end up with the house, & nothing for any GC that are already here.

We do not know that is what she is doing.

However, if one of my children did that without me telling them that was the case and they should consider it, then they would be naming a orphanage in Romania after me.

my sister has stated she wants the house she grew up in-will never sell it she wants to move straight back in and then have a family.

I am still at this comment.

Its almost as if, in the sisters head, the mother is dead. Why would anyone plan on having a family only when their mother is dead? What strange thing to do.

And also the assumption thta she has a right to the family home.

What would happen if the mum dies first? Would it go to her ex husband?

If so could he then leave it to who he wanted?

Yes we do sock the op said (about her third post in) that the sister is planning on starting a family when her mother dies and se has moved back into the house.

The oddest thing is not wanting to start a family until she moves back in-if I have understood correctly.

Thinking about it. If the dsis is planning on starting a family upon moving back home when her mother is deceased, she must be planning/hoping the mother dies in the next 10-15 years st the most.

If I were the op (and the op is her sister) I would be upset thaty my sis was hoping my mum would die sooner rather than later.

I do think encouraging your dad to force the sale once your Dsis has moved out would be the kindest thing for all concerned. Once that house is sold, your mum is free from the 'but she wants to raise DCs in the house she was raised in' argument - unless your DSis wants to get a DP who can afford to pay for it. Also it would mean your mum has cash not a thing - it is easier to see ways of deviding up money than it is to see dividing up a thing

But has she said that because her mother has told her that the house will solely be hers for her to live in and raise a family?

If that's the case then the sister has said nothing wrong.

I agree with expat.

Your mother is a shit-stirring bitch, your sister is a spoilt malingerer and and you are a total mug.

Your brother is right to be pissed off with the situation. It's toxic bullshit.

The OP said 'she wants to move straight back in THEN start a family'

Not move her family in a raise them there, which she would be entitled to do.

sorry but it seems like she is hoping her mother doesn't last to much longer. Because she is waiting until the house is hers to ttc.

Who plans ttc around their mother dying? She is planning her future life on her mother dying soon.

Then in exchange for that piss poor attitude, if that really is what she intends doing then chances are she won't end up having kids and that will be totally down to her own fault

sorry-have been out all day.To clarify a few things-house is owned mostly by my dm my dad has a 33% share.

Somebody asked about my dcs and us-we have ehlers danlos syndrome and dd1 has pectus ex and heart prob as well like dh.

Yes my sister is hoping to live in a small flat if she gets one for a few years with her dp, ideally she wants to have dcs when she has the family home but if she has to wait too long for that I think she would start a family then move them all-apparently that will be on the very day my mum dies to stop our brother getting into the house first and 'claiming' it.

I ave been told they do not want my dad or brothr finding out when she moves out then on day when my mum dies it will be as if she never lived anywhere else-apparently this will help her case?

Also, I am NOT a mug or a doormat.

I'd be a mug to get involved in this horrible fight though over money and especially now when mymum is not even ill.

Right, you need to tell your dad about this.

I am sure that he would be disgusted and will atleast make sure that this disgusting state of affairs can't go on.

Aside from the rights and wrongs of what your DSis is planning (I smell bullshit, your mum hasnt written a will and your DSis is going to claim she has always lived there), your Dad has a right to know what is being planned with HIS property.

He has a right to his money back, he has a right to decided what he wants to do.

You have a moral duty to tell him and to hell with your sister.

I should add that imo, if you dont tell your dad then you are as bad as they are.

I can see the sense in what you are saying but on the other hand I know it is dsis only chance of getting a home, and my mum wants her to have it-she can be a cow but she has been ill maybe thats part of why she behaves how she does?

I do not want to be the one to make this already bad situation worse by going to my dad with this information as then I will lose my mum and sister completely. I just wish I had no part in it at all.

Tell your dad - you are cheating him out of his money.

He could force the sale now anyway, if you tell him they are trying to cheat him due to his generosity of not forcing the sale when your Dsis left full time education, he could do it now, regardless if your sister is there or not.

Get your brother on side re talking to your dad.

Your sister will then have 30 years to 'get over' the fact she's not going to get the house.

They will be HATEFUL to me if I did this and after going through hell years ago when they threw me out I cant be in that place again.

I am really in a state over this

I agree with Bogeyface. It is his property, too. She will not be able to dispose of it as she pleases without his permission. He has a legal claim on his stake.

Your sister's just a loafing, lazy, entitled cow. It's a mug's game to have anything to do with her at all.

Suggest your brother tells your dad.

'They will be HATEFUL to me if I did this and after going through hell years ago when they threw me out I cant be in that place again.

I am really in a state over this'

Hateful to you for telling your dad the truth about a home that is 33% his?

The hell with pair of them, they sound like a pair of twisted twats who don't deserve to have either you or your brother in their lives.

And guess what, even if their little plan goes off and your vile sister gets in there, your dady still owns 33% of that property.

They threw you out?

Why on Earth are you bothering with a so-called mum who'd throw out her child?

YY, get your brother to tell your dad.