Awful situation over inheritance-who is BU?

[whoisright]

I have namechanged as this is such a volatile subject in my family....despite the fact that nobody has even died yet

It is a long story and it is bothering me every day because I do not know what to do or say and it is causing no end of upset and stress within the family.

I am the eldest of 3, our parents divorced years ago. My mum lives in family home (big-ish house in good area) with my younger sister who is planning on moving out soon with her dp so they can live together.

HOWEVER dsis has some health issues (epilepsy) and our mum wants to provide for her so the house will (when our parents have died) go to her, if she has moved out she will just move straight back in again and take it over (no mortgage so she wont have to worry about paying as she has no job).

I have accepted this, but my brother is livid. absolutely livid and has said there is no way he will accept this, he wants the house sold and the money split 3 ways. He has said that yes, she is ill but that we all have problems in our lives and it shouldnt be just one child that is provided for.
He himself has a good job, 2 children but a lot of debt and is renting so sees the money as possibly a deposit for a house and he has mentioned to me that my circumstances are not great (we live in a council house, have 4 dcs with a genetic condition and debts too) but really after living with my sister and seeing her every day I know she will never really be able to work so will not get a chance to get a house like that-she is currently waiting for a council flat to move in with her dp temporarily untill time comes that hey get the family home.

I think my brother should really give this up now, stop going on about it and just accept it like I have. The last thing I want in a few years time is to be caught up in a horrible battle over a house. Yes, that amount of money would be life changing but at the end of the day it is my mums house and it is her choice which of her children she leaves it to.

It is causing a lot of tension between my brother and sister they are both gearing up towards a huge fight over this at some point and I dont know what to say. What do i do?

Your mother will still have 66% of the sale value of hte house, she could buy herself a small place and another small house/flat your Dsis could rent from her now, then inherit.

Or, remember your Dsis is only 25 - you are righting her off at a young age, I find it hard to believe her epilespy is so bad she can't work but is under control enough that she can be a mother. She may well be able to work in the future, or her DP might be able to earn enough to buy a house.

If your mum and sister would cut you out because you won't let them swindle your father out of his retirement fund then they aren't very nice people and would you really want to be around them anyway?

Or take the cowards way out, get your brother to call your dad - who I think if this goes ahead anyway will end your dbros relationship with your sister and mum, so there's nothing to lose in getting him to talk to your dad.

Cor, what a bloody horrible situation.

I would wash my hands of the whole thing and when anyone brings it up, just decline to be drawn in.

Your sister, from your descriptions sounds rather entitled and misguided.

You on the other hand, sound lovey.

actually, why do you want a relationship with them?

I know a family who had a very similiar situation, they went from being a close family to none of them speaking even many years on. It's your mums choice and I think your brother should consider what is more valuable p, 1/3 price of the house or the value of family

They threw me out because I had a row years ago with dsis (who was v rude and hateful to me) I snapped, argued back and slapped her.

Got arrested. When I went home locks had been changed and at 1030pm 2dcs aged 18mths and 7 were handed out to me.

Nearly killed me. I cant argue with them they could destroy me.

You're right, whois, you shouldn't argue with this pair of vile people. You should have nothing to do with either of them at all.

There is zero way a grandparent who did this to my children would ever see my children again.

Well unless your sister can buy your dad out of his third share - which is a sizeable amount she won't get to keep the house and live there anyway will she?

Perhaps your brother should mention that to your mother

Jesus, you should walk away now. If you have a good relationship with your DB, and he was not involved in the locking out thing, then maintain the relationship.

OK, you were violent to your sister....what was that all about?

Your mum and sister sound bloody hateful.

I think that parents have the right to leave their money / assets to whoever they want.

However, I also think that your sister sounds like a thoroughly spoilt and unpleasant individual and that this is at least partially down to your mother.

I think you said earlier that when you were a single mother with two (ill?) children you had a row with your sister so they kicked you out and changed the locks? Seriously?! Who does that to their grandchildren / niece/nephews?

What sort of financial situation is your dad in? How is his health? Is he likely to need care? He is very kind to let your mum and sister stay on in the home due to your sister's illness but she isn't living there anymore so he could use the money to make his last years nicer.

That third is his money not your sisters, not yours and not your brothers. Unless he is already a millionaire then he will have to go without things to let them keep the house.

Do you really want him to suffer for the sake of two women who threw your children out?

If she is in a council house they will know she hasn't always lived there.

Also is she hoping your mum dies soon so she can start a family there?

Seems heartless that the day your mum dies she is planning, not to be upset but to move house. Clearly she thinks alot of your mum.

Tbh they all sound like they are horrible people and I would cut contact with all of them.

Surely if, as you say, your sister has applied for social housing - it is not her only chance of having a home anyway ? Don't let yourself - in effect - be emotionally blackmailed over . Okay - at the end of the day your mum can, legally, make whatever bequest she wants ... but if there's some plan going on about your sister claiming never to have moved out (supposing she does) in order that she could potentially claim she was dependent on your mum - and thus, I guess, throw a spanner in the works re: your dad claiming his rightful share, then that is tantamount to fraud and certainly very morally wrong. You have the snub directed at your brother and you - and now this possibility that your dad might lose out too - or at least have to needlessly take legal action in order to force a sale/evict your sister or whatever so he can have the share he's patiently waited for all these years. It's now becoming more than "simple" favouritism - this is all getting very nasty and your dad should know what's being planned so he can take appropriate legal advice if he feels it's necessary etc.

i can see the sense in what you are saying but on the other hand I know it is dsis only chance of getting a home

No it isnt. She is getting a council flat. That will be her home.

Tell your dad. You have to.

You ARE being a doormat. Yes you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't but you can't sit on the fence.

If you don't do anything you have the potential to have a falling out with your brother (and possibly your father as well) for not supporting your brother.

If you do, do something then you have a possible falling out with your mum and sister. (Who have already behaved hatefully towards you).

As an unbiased outsider your choice is clear.

I can't believe you would collude in doing your dad out of his money! FGS, grow a backbone.

Your mother is responsible for this mess, not your sister. She should npot have encouraged your sister to think about the house as hers.

If your mother dies tomorrow you father should be able to get his money back. Then he can decide to help your sister, or himself, or all of you equally.

My late fil intended at one point to leave his house etc to my dn who has brain damage ... Worst possible thing he could have done for her as all her benefits would stop, she couldn't live alone ever so her mum would have either lost the HA property they're in and moved into Dfil house, lived on their money until it went and then reapply for assistance.

Or sell house, stay in HA, loose all benefits and spend Dfil money etc ....

Doesn't sund like it would do your sis any good. Why should she sit on her family money whilst claiming benefits ?

No one has the right to own a home. She is getting a council place.

Your mother put your kids out at 10.30 at night and they are sick?

why you even care what's happens to them is beyond me

They sound toxic. Unless your sister is having some adverse reaction to her epilepsy drugs which is completely altering her personality - which I very much doubt - having that condition does not entitle her to be a manipulative, grasping, selfish bitch.

I know how awful it is to feel you don't have a parent "on side" as it were - and very hard to come to terms with them not being who you'd like them to be - but good grief, having to walk on eggshells round them is so unhealthy. You sound almost scared of them.

Yes, I was wrong to be violent I slapped her the once as she was being disgustingly hateful. It was amistake that nearly cost me everything.

I do wonder if her meds cause her issues as she can be lovely and wasnt always so horrible. Thats why I do feel that she should have the house but I also feel for db as he wants his money so badly.

and yes, I am scared of her and I think my mum is too

So what if you slapped her? They had you arrested and threw you and your kids out in the street at 10.30?!

Who cares if your mother is scared of your sister? That's her lookout and stupidity.

Do yourself and your kids a huge favour and cut these two bitches out of your lives.

well, have a word with your dbro, point out that your dad still owns 33% and if he wanted to, he could force a sale tomorrow, and if he knew they were trying to do him out of his money, how does your Dbro thinks your dad would react?

Then stand back, let your dbro tell your dad.

Easiest solution all round.

The house is not your mother's to give away freely. A third of it belongs to you father, who from the sounds of it keeps his distance from her and your sister - a wise decision, IMO.

re the throwing out my mum begged her not to phone the police but once it was done dsis gave her achoice her or me and the dcs. My mum chose her and as I walked off with kids dsis came back down the drive with her bags-she had told our mum that unless the kids were out she wouldnt come back.

I couldnt even walk past the house for weeks as kids would scream to go home we had to go long way to school every day and I lost 2 stone and virtually had a breakdown.

I shouldnt talk about it anymore I am so upset just typing and it was 4 years ago this dec.

These people should not be in your life or your children's, OP. They are very dangerous and toxic your children should not be exposed to either of them.

I wouldn't want you DSis to be anywhere near your DCs and if your mother is still listening to her, then you shouldn't be letting her near the DCs either.

This isn't about a house, this is about who has a right to be part of your life, and your DCs, these people don't. So cut them out. Feel free to tell your dad though, if your father is a good person to have in your DCs lives then it's not right you do him out of his money, which could actually be your inheritance.

It did cost you everything. It nearly cost you a toxic mother and sister.

She is spoiled. Its not her meds. You said she has always been indulged.