English

[londonandwhere]

I'm a permanent resident in the UK who comes from Far East and is married to an English man. When I met my English mother-in-law first time as a girl friend at that time, she nicely said Hello and then asked me 'Do you speak English?' I'd like to know if this can be described as racism or not.

Londonandwhere,

I think you're MIL is great for putting up with someone who seems intent on being offended at the slightest remark. As for your poor husband, I feel for him being stuck between two women he loves, one on which seems hellbent on breaking up his relationship with his DM.

I don't think the remark was racist but I do think you have a very low tolerance level and you are looking for reasons to hate your MIL.

Sorry, but I can't see your marriage lasting unless you sort out YOUR issues.

I fel sorry for MIL, this hate seems itrrational absed on your other threads and not good for your own health really.

I think this is the same poster who was sick with distress because her dh hugged her whilst wearing a jumper his mother bought him.

OP, you should have burnt the jumper and then DH would have wondered where it was gone.

Quite a lot of people being VERY harsh on this thread. Has the idea that such an innocent question could be constructed as racist (or coming from the place where 'immigrants usually can't speak english [properly') rattled that many people?

On a serious note, she met her DH in the UK, what did her MIL think? That she was there on holidays? or that she was one of 'those' immigrants who don't speak a word of english? That despite being in the UK (and working there?), she had to check if she could speak english?

That WAS rude!

And can someone explain me why it is OK on this thread to bring stuff from other thread, incl preconceived (?) ideas and beat the OP with it?

I thought it was bad form to do so ....

Congratulations, OP.

1. You make most of us sound positively beneficent towards our own MILs.
2. You have started a MIL thread where the result is that the majority of posters think you are being unreasonable and that your MIL is probably okay.
3. You are so extraordinary at holding grudges that you make me feel quite normal and even noble (and I am GOOD at holding grudges).
4. You have most of us feeling sorry for your DH - and we haven't even heard his side of it - and thinking that it is a pity you are making his relationship with his MIL difficult.

Btw, if your spoken English is anything like your written English - and if you've now lived in the UK for years presumably your English was less fluent way back when you met your MIL - it was maybe a perfectly reasonable question for her to ask. You really are not coming over at all well. Perhaps instead of focusing on your MIL's perceived shortcomings, you need to take a good long look at your own.

Generally mars but in this occasion I genuinely suggest you read it.

And can someone explain me why it is OK on this thread to bring stuff from other thread, incl preconceived (?) ideas and beat the OP with it?

Because it is directly related to this. The OP keeps using mn to attempt to find an argument that will stop her husband having contact with his mum.
bringing up previous threads isn't considered bad form if its actually related. Which in this case it is.

Regarding the bring up previous threads, I think it's only really bad form to do so if it is irrelevant to the current thread.

In this case it is.

OP you do have some big issues when it comes to your MIL, We don't know the full history but I have read nothing that warrants the hate you very clearly feel for her. It's not healthy and has the potential to really damage your relationship with DH.

Has anything (serious) else happened to make you do defensive?

So defensive.

when OPs make multiple threads about the same thing, I think its relevant

bad form when people bring up the fact that they disagreed with a poster about something totally different as "proof" that they are also wrong on this topic IYKWIM

It wasnt that I couldnt answer her any question. As soon as we said hello each other, I looked little bit nervous then she was (carefully) ask 'Do you speak English?'

• asking

I have read this thread and the others.

I think you are looking fro reasons to make your husband hate his mother.

WHY do you hate her so much??

That's hardly racist sorry. Did she say go back to your own country? Did she say her son would be better off with one of their kind?

Just admit it OP,you don't like her. You probably don't have any real reason to dislike her but nonetheless you do and now you're trying to find a way to justify it.

Just say "I really don't like her". Sometimes it just happens,people can't always get along. It's the bizarre excuses for it that are making people a bit sharp with you. Myself included.

if you think what she said was racist, then talk to your Dh about it. although I don't know why you didnt mention it at the time or at some other point before your wedding if it was bothering you.
has she done anything to make you think she doesn't like you based on race?

I dont intend to criticise her at all if she didnt do anything being racist at that time. I couldnt judge being disinterested so I wanted to have opinions from the others. I feel terrible that I remembered the conversation 5 years ago in a sudden recently.
However I wouldnt put up with if anyone who I know speaks or act like a racist even if it happened in the past. It seems many of you think it's not and a few think it is which I have been more positive but still confused a little bit.

WHY do you hate her so much?

StripyMagicDragon, no she never have done anything to make me assume she is a racist except 'do you speak English.' which why I never put it out on the subject for whole 5 years.

PLEASE tell me why you hate her so much...

You looked nervous, she asked did you speak English before she carried on.

To be honest I feel sorry for the woman. If she knew the shit storm that was about to hit her she would probably have ran screaming.

Then leave it at that.

It might just have been a mistake on her part, her been a bit rude/not realizing it could be constructed as been rude (see all the posters who think it was a normal thing to say).
It would be a shame to damage your relationship with your MIL, put your DH in a awkward position after just one incident.

Well strictly speaking, she should have found out before she met you. But it's not racist to say this.

You sound like a private detective, trying to pin a crime on someone OP.