English

[londonandwhere]

I'm a permanent resident in the UK who comes from Far East and is married to an English man. When I met my English mother-in-law first time as a girl friend at that time, she nicely said Hello and then asked me 'Do you speak English?' I'd like to know if this can be described as racism or not.

You can never assume a bf or dh in my case actually tells his dm anything important. My MIL was very surprised when we arrived 6 months pg. DH said "i didn't think" ! So ops mum may have known very little about her. It might also depend where they live. Friends mum lives in a small very white English village in the middle of nowhere. She has no experience of any other race/ethnicity/culture and would assume anyone of non-white appearence may not speak English. I'd describe her as very naive or at worst ignorant but not racist.

Perfectly reasonable question if she was meeting you for the first time and genuinely had no idea if you spoke the language.

Should she not have some inkling of whether or not her son spoke Mandarin/Cantonese/Korean/Japanese/etc. though?

Good grief. What on earth is wrong in asking someone if they speak English? How can it possibly be racist or even blunt or offennsive? in the UK we live in a multiculturl multi ethic society with people from all over the world, many of whom speak very poor english. That is not a criticism or a racist remark - it is how it is.

how long ago was this OP? you say you're married now.

The reason I ask you all posting here is

I wished I hadnt experienced racism from my mil it would be extremely shocking

but if it was,

I wanted to tell my husband what his mum said was slightly racist in an unthinking way.

so you're just looking for proplems where there weren't any? why? why is it so important that you gather evidence against your MIL to present to your DH?

STBDH: Mum, this is londonandwhere.
MIL: Hello, I've heard so much about you!
OP: [silence]
MIL: Oh, do you speak English?
OP: [long-term fury]

I wanted to tell my husband what his mum said was slightly racist in an unthinking way.

Good. Happy to have helped.

What makes you still so angry?
How did you want her to behave?

but what are the chances her DH is fluent in mandarin/Chinese/Japanese/other Far East language.

Since manderin is one of the largest growing languages. I would say there is a chance. Also the mother would be less likely to ask the question if her son only speaks English.
Also this is the OP who hates her mil because she doesn't more on her son (the ops dh) than her for her birthday. She got shitty with the mil about this, there was an argument and the OP no longer speaks to her mil.

Also I think this is the same poster who was sick with distress because her dh hugged her whilst wearing a jumper his mother bought him.

if not fluent, perhaps competent or learning (like in love actually?)
OR they might both speak french or spanish or itialian etc etc and communicate quite adequately in that

Kim so she can poke a stick in the MIL and her sons relationship, that despite her efforts to date, still seems quite good.

OP on the face of the evidence you are behaving in a mean, childish way and you really should stop it.

It sounds as if OP is full of festering resentment at her MIL and is chewing over everything she's ever said/done to her.

Maybe OP needs to look at herself....

I think this is the same poster who was sick with distress because her dh hugged her whilst wearing a jumper his mother bought him.

Ah, that explains it
Unforgivable! LTB!

I ask my husband if he speaks English all the time. He tries to but always ends up slipping back into his native nerdish.

iwanted to tell my husband what his mum said was slightly racist in an unthinking way.

No, you are trying to find reasons to stop your dh speaking to his mum. Its not enough for you that you don't see her. You want him to break contact as well and you think that will happen if you prove she is racisit.

Oo is this you with the jumper issue op?

Anyway no. Of course it's not cocking racist.

OP you do realise don't you that if you continue to try to drive a wedge between your husband and his mother over trivial matters, he will eventually get fed up and tell you to sling your hook?

but why have you waited so long to try and find out if she was being racist? why didn't you just ask her at the time "are you being racist?" did you speak english at the time?

I remember the other thread well. It would be fair to say op you might just might be a tad easily offended by this lady?

How are managing to hold so many grudges after so many years?

Why don't you ask your MIL?

I'm not sure if there are open communication channels as the op cannot touch her husbands jumper bought by the mil.

A face to face confrontation could be quite medically dangerous?

Not racist but could probably be a little rude. However, if you couldn't answer her pleasantries when she was talking to you, what else is she supposed to think?

Well, as competitive victimhood battles go, you're slipping a bit on points. Try this for your next post:

Does my sexist MIL hate me for being a woman?