English

[londonandwhere]

I'm a permanent resident in the UK who comes from Far East and is married to an English man. When I met my English mother-in-law first time as a girl friend at that time, she nicely said Hello and then asked me 'Do you speak English?' I'd like to know if this can be described as racism or not.

[squeakytoy]

and from that thread..

londonandwhere Mon 20-Aug-12 15:53:20
She is English and I'm not a native English speaker. Thank you all for your advice. It was helpful

[donnie]

thanks Blatherskite!

I notice the OP has not returned to this thread. Presumably she is cooking up some further evidence that her MIL is Satan and Must Die

[Pi1978]

IAmfromMars - I have to say, I would probably assume that an alien didn't speak English

[IAmfromMars]

Well I am sure the DH mother will know if he is actually speaking that language. And that is assuming they didn't meet in the UK in the first place...

It is much more likely to have someone from the Far East speaking english rather than an english man speaking that language too.

And even in that case, the question asked like this outright IS rude.

Reading this thread, I am feeling more and more lucky not have met that many rude people people asking that question outright.

[stinkinseamonkey]

"It's not racist, but it's a question that always makes the pedant in me snigger, because what's the answer?! 'Yes, as you see'. 'No, I have no idea what you just asked me."
y'think, cause I understand do you speak french/german/spanish in those languages without being able to converse any further than to apologetically shake my head and say "no English"

- "if she was her son's gf, you would imagine that they could communicate"
her language, a mix of both, the language of lurve , lots of couples muddle though a language barrier

being of a 'different appearance' doesn't mean you should assume that the person can't speak english
She didn't assume, she ASKED. If she'd assumed she would have looked like she was playing charades

[squeakytoy]

the MIL must have known that the GF was not english and didnt come from England, so again, its a perfectly reasonable question.

[PosieParker]

TBH I've met many men who date women 'from the far East' who speak very little English, my father is one of them.

Were you resident UK at the time OP? Has your DH had many gfs from the "Far East"?

[OldMumsy]

Offence and racism. It's so overdone! Have you ever heard about the boy that cried "Wolf" OP?

[anklebitersmum]

[stinkinseamonkey]

I actually know a couple where neither of them speak the other's language, and they commuicate in a third language that they both did at school

Surely assuming that everyone CAN speak English would be more racist??

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Um...no it's not racist. And judging by your other thread,she said it quite some time ago. Time to move on perhaps?

[honeytea]

I get asked if I speak Swedish, I don't think it is racist I find it kind.

[Fakebook]

. where's OP GONE?

[joanbyers]

Things on m-i-l shitlist so far:

• spends more on her son's birthday presents than yours
  
• gave your present to your husband who didn't pass it on to you
  
• racist, 10 years ago, probably
  
• says 'has gone' quite a lot
  
• gave birth to your husband
  
• insert reason here

[EnjoyResponsibly]

Having glanced at your previous threads I need to know if you're going for some kind of record in finding the worlds smallest offence and holding the worlds biggest grudge?

Get a grip OP.

[ihavenofuckingclue]

OP had obviously got to know her bf not through the power of mind, but by communicating in English. What did the mil think
Perhaps the boyfriend speaks the ops native language?
Possibly.

[londonandwhere]

I had lived in the UK more than 3 years when I first met her. And it was in the UK. I believe I have never experienced any racism in the UK for the last 10 years. But recently I remembered and wondered why she aske me at first conversation if I speak English. She liked me very much at that time and none of my in-laws have ever talked or acted racism to me during 5 years of marriage.

As soon as I saw her I was a bit nervous and didnt know what to say. She then might have judged I was hesitated to speak as English was not my first language. I was a bit embarrassed being asked the question because no one actually asked me one but I didnt care too much. My husband(bf/5 years ago) standing next to me answered to her instead of I had lived here more than 3 years so she speaks very good English.

But now I thought I need to know if she acted on the basis of racism. I spoke to my husband about her question last night (without mentioning racism) and he didnt remember the conversation very well. When I asked him 'Did your mum not think how I was communicating with you so asked me?' He replied ''You know what old people are like..''

[EnjoyResponsibly]

Fakebook after 3 out of 3 AIBU on the same subject got a resounding YABU you can only hope OP has got the message.

[ihavenofuckingclue]

Just read another of your threads.

You hate your mil. You are trying any which way to keep this feud going. You are now married to this man. You said in your other thread you haven't spoken to her in years.

So this must have happened years ago. Get over it. You don't speak to her, let it go.

[goralka]

if you are stressing about an unthinking conversation from 10 years ago perhaps there's something else on your mind?
'racism' is such a bandwagon these days

[Fakebook]

Yes ihavenofuckingclue, that is true, but what are the chances her DH is fluent in mandarin/Chinese/Japanese/other Far East language.

[EnjoyResponsibly]

I'd be very horrified that my sons wife could actually hate me for the tenuous reasons and length of time you refer to.

[Blatherskite]

Anyone else feeling sorry for the Ops MIL?

[garlicbaguette]

Good lord

In answer to your OP, OP - it was slightly racist in an unthinking way, and no doubt intended as a courtesy. So: 'benevolent' racism, as Redsky nearly said.

Having read your threads linked above, I deduce that your command of English is less complete than you imagine. As your MIL committed this particular unintentional slight some time ago, it's fair to assume your English was still weaker then. Perhaps it did, in fact, seem that you didn't speak English and MIL was seeking to establish an appropriate style of communication with you.

Why are you hanging so tightly on to small offences, which seem mostly to have arisen from your misunderstanding of English usage? What do you want from your MIL?

[garlicbaguette]

Blathers - I so am!