To not want MIL to take DS to the other side of the world for 6 weeks

[MSDP]

My DP thinks I am being unreasonable to not want his mother to take my son away to their home country for six weeks when he is two years old.

My son has a good relationship with his GM and she is capable of looking after him, however I am not comfortable with her taking my son for so long to a place more than 12 hours away. This place has is in South America and is not renowned for being the safest place in the world and my son has never been away from me for me than 2 nights so am I being unreasonable?

[Ra88]

YADNBU!!! 6 weeks !

[Afrodizzywonders]

I am just in awe that your MIL and DH would think this was ok......like others suggest, hide passport etc.......I can't imagine being separated from my 2 year old for that long....he sure as hell wouldn't understand! She's being completely selfish at the detriment to your child.

[soundevenfruity]

It's undestandable why your DH wants his son to meet the family and get the taste of the country from early on. It certainly would help with the language. But 6 weeks is too long and it would be a big stress for such a young child. Can you make a different arrangement when you or your DH would pick him up earlier? Do you do anything with your DS that would make him familiar with your DH's language and culture? Does he watch cartoons or children shows from the country? Mother/father and child groups?

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I would be very cautious and making sure that no one can get him a non-uk passport. I think you should speak to a good solicitor or the embassy. As much as things might seem ok with your DH, your MIL looks like she knows how to get her own way and you definitely don't want your DS ending up there and you can't get him back. Sounds awful but most abductions happen to children by family members.

Even if it wasn't permanent, what if she took him anyway and your DH didn't agree for him to leave until the 6wks were up? You need to keep his passport safe and make sure he's flagged if someone tries to take him out of the country.

Sounds OTT but do you really want to take the risk with your child? If I read your OP properly, your DS would need a non-UK passport for the 6wk trip, therefore meaning he couldn't leave on your authority just DHs (who thinks the trip is a good idea)? Sounds very very dodgy.

DD has spent several one week holidays with PIL and one 10 day stay due to DH and I working away. 10 days was too long, even PIL said DD was getting a bit distressed and they have her 2 days & 2 nights a week!! There is no way I'd do 10 days again (and DD is used to it and I totally trust PIL).

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Plus DD was staying in familiar surroundings doing her usual routine things with PIL. So all 'normal' except the duration.

[Snazzyfeelingfestive]

No, absolutely not on. I have relatives far away too and wouldn't do this.

[StuntGirl]

Not a chance. I wouldn't even want someone taking my kid to somewhere else in Britain for 6 weeks, it's just too long.

[blackeyedsusan]

no, no NO! ... another not trusting her as ar as I can thrrow her and recommendatioon to hide documents.

[blackeyedsusan]

hide documents as it does not seem yourr dp could stand up to herr if necessay.

[scrumpkin]

No. Fucking. Way!

[noblegiraffe]

I wouldn't have let my MIL take my 2 year old to somewhere in the UK for a week. I wouldn't want to be apart from him for that long when he's that young. So six weeks the other side of the world in a possibly dangerous country?

YADNBU

[XandaPanda]

I honestly wouldn't take the chance and im speaking from experience as my little brother was taken to meet his grandparents in Turkey for a week when he was 8 months old and we didn't get him back for well over a year as Grandma wanted him bringing up in there culture.
Don't get dual nationality for your son as it would leave you without a leg to stand on if he was taken to where his family are .
Hope you make the right decision

[LadyArtois]

YADNBU!

Honestly, I swear they just don't think! My MIL asked me if she could take my son to her home country for 3 weeks.. he's 3 months old and breastfeeding!!

[Jux]

Blimey! I wouldn't even let dd stay one night with either of her grandmas until she was over 2! Away from you for 6 weeks is mental! Not a ruddy chance.

Far too disturbing of routines, potty training, and all that (not to mention emotional turmoil, which is actually the most important thing. He'd be far too young to understand.)

[AdoraJingleBells]

I live in South America, and I wouldn't let this happen OP. Quite apart from the distance and possible security problem, depending where MIL wants to take him, he's too young to be seperated from you for more than a few hours, never mind six bloody weeks

[AdoraJingleBells]

I don't have time read through, so don't know if this has been said already, but in some South American countries the father has legal ownership of the children. And it can be difficult to leave without the father. We know an expat, lived here them moved on. Teenage DC came back to visit friends and couldn't leave because she was under 18 and travelling without her father. Father had to fly in to accompany her out, and that was on her European passport, she's never had a Chilean passport.

[ChippingInLovesAutumn]

No fucking way. Not a hope. No chance. NO.

Repeat as often as necessary.

I would go as far as putting his British Passport, birth certificate etc somewhere else (your parents, bank vault etc) just in case DH or MIL decide to 'be helpful' and get his other passport.

Start your other thread, I think you need an MN talking to!

[EldritchCleavage]

I wouldn't let the Holy Trinity itself take my 2 year old off for 6 weeks, never mind MIL. I think your son would find it enormously upsetting to be away from his primary carer and in a completely strange environment for 6 weeks (or even 2!). That is a very long time at that age.

Seems to be all about what MIL wants (though I do understand her wanting to take him home and show him off) but your DP really needs to think about how it would be for your DS. Very bad idea.

[Lavenderhoney]

The first thing that strikes me is that your dm has no concern for you or your ds feelings. She doesn't care he will miss you and you him. is far too young to be allowed to fly, long haul with Gran? and thence be hauled round a strange country by a bunch of strange people - yes they well be relatives but they are still strangers who bizarrely will behave in your sons eyes by grabbing him, kissing him, all in a strange language. Where will he sleep? Alone he will cry, or will he be sharing a bed with granny? Or strange children? You won't know, will you? He will ne potty training about then to, but he may regress. Or will she do t for you, trumping you forever?

It is not her Job to show him off, and why should she? You have Skype surely, for all these relatives eager to see him- why all of a sudden? Do yo have close contact and know all these people your ds may see?

Passport- his country of residence is uk, he is british. Why on earth would ds need a Colombian passport? What passport does your dp have, and mil? And it's not 'nice, or come in useful' - you wouldn't move freely round Europe with him, and he won't be able to either when older , loads of reasons stretching into your sons adult life. Having a uk passport in incredibly beneficial.

My dc dont spend time alone with dgp, as they live in anther country and the dc don't want to, even though they are lovely and we stay often for prolonged periods since birth of dc's . And we all respect that, even though it can be annoying. Hs they feel is very real and it would be cruel to discredit it just for adult gain.

Hide passports and birth certs... Yeah, I would do that.

[marcopront]

While I fully agree that the OP's MIL is being unreasonable, why is it acceptable to say "your child, your rules" to the mother but say to the father "you can't make the decisions"?

[CSIJanner]

This kind of thing irks me. He's our child and surely it should be yourself introducing your son to the family not MIL. YANBU - 6 weeks is too long for the interfering old bat to try to muscling in on your parenting and separate your son from you, could you try the line that you wouldn't like him to fly that far without you but how about planning a trip all together the following year? Placate husband by not being outright to MIL and also ot separating yourself from DS. Also, if you go for this, do not expect to stay at family homes. Go for two weeks and books all three of you in a lovely 5* hotel with big pool. MIL can sort herself out.

Meanwhile, put your foot down and investigate how you can prevent her from taking DS out of the country legally. Starting with hiding the birth cert and passport

[CSIJanner]

Postscript - I totally agree with Lavender

Marco - because husband has previous form for letting his mother take over (see bit about step daughter) and also 6 weeks with a 2yr old in a foreign land where he doesn't understand the language is OTT with the MIL disregarding how the mother feelings or how the son would feel that long away from his parents.

[sashh]

Tel MIL I can go instead.

If you can't take so long off why not take one or two weeks off? I'm sure MIL is wanting to show her gc to all her friends and relatives.

[Alligatorpie]

No, no, no!

YADNBU

[NervousAt20]

YADNBU!nthere is no way on this earth would I let me DD go away for 6 weeks!! Don't give in to the pressure they'll put on you