To open this can of worms?

[janflan]

Ok this might be long and confusing but I'm going to try and get all the detail in.

My parents divorced and my Dad remarried someone with the same name. My Mum kept her married name. so both my Mum and step mum have exactly the same names.

This is going back over 10 years now and my Grandfather (Dad's father) came into some money. He. decided very generously to share his good fortune and sent cheques for all his children and grandchildren. He also sent one to my Mum having been very fond of her when my parents were married and knowing she was ill and struggling financially. All the cheques were sent to my grandfather's children to be distributed to their own children.

My grandfather the following year received the rest of the money he came into and once again cheques were sent out to his children to distribute. These were 5 times larger than the year before. Only this time my Dad said there was no cheque for our Mum. He also said not to speak to our grandfather about it because we would come across as greedy.

Now there's no reason my grandfather would be obliged to send any money to our mum and it's not too far fetched to believe it's true. However it niggles away at me and i can't 100% believe my father. It would have been very easy for my step mum to cash that cheque with the names being the same. It was the last year my mum was alive too and the thought of what a difference that money could have made to that year makes me sad.

I could ask my grandfather but if my dad did steal that money then I'm opening a massive can of worms that i can't undo. It would cause a huge family feud and my grandfather would did knowing his son was a thief. Of course there's the possibility it's not true and then what do i look like?

I'm going to carry on thinking about what to do. I'm still torn on what would be best.

I wouldn't mind finding out if my step sister is really my half sister or not because we have doubts about that too.

Bloody families you can't choose them!

I've been thinking about this a little more.

Based on the statement that you are 90% sure that your father took the money, if I was your grandfather I would want to know, I'd go as far as to say he is entitled to know.

If he sent money to your mother he was never thanked; and his son has stolen from him. If my DC had stolen from me I would want to know.

Your grandfather chose who to give his money to. Is it not telling that he chose not to give any to your father?

Those who have said you will stir up I'll feeling between your grandfather and his son are misdirected - your father did that when (if) he became a thief. It is not your responsibility to protect your father in these circumstances.

The only reason for not speaking with your grandfather is if he is particularly frail or infirm, but that aside you all have the right to know what happened and move on without it destroying you

The other can of worms you would be opening is income tax. Your grandfather may be very generous but there are limits on how much money you can "gift" annually to family and friends. (link below)

So if all of you are in receipt of more than the allowances dictate, you might find find the can of worms you are opening isn't the one you think. I'd also point out the 7year rule - if your grandfather passes away within 7years of makeing these gift - the tax man could be over ther recipients like a rash

www.hmrc.gov.uk/inheritancetax/pass-money-property/exempt-gifts.htm

Wedding gifts/civil partnership ceremony gifts

Wedding or civil partnership ceremony gifts are exempt from Inheritance Tax, subject to certain limits:
?parents can each give cash or gifts worth £5,000
?grandparents and great grandparents can each give cash or gifts worth £2,500
?anyone else can give cash or gifts worth £1,000

You have to make the gift - or promise to make it - on or shortly before the date of the wedding or civil partnership ceremony. If the ceremony is called off and you still make the gift - or if you make the gift after the ceremony without having promised it first - this exemption won't apply.

Small gifts

You can make small gifts up to the value of £250 to as many individuals as you like in any one tax year. However, you can't give more than £250 and claim that the first £250 is a small gift. If you give an amount greater than £250 the exemption is lost altogether.

The seven-year rule - 'potentially exempt transfers'

Any gifts you make to individuals will be exempt from Inheritance Tax as long as you live for seven years after making the gift. These sorts of gifts are known as 'Potentially Exempt Transfers' (PETs).

However if you give an asset away at any time, but keep an interest in it - for example you give your house away but continue to live in it rent-free - this gift will not be a potentially exempt transfer. Follow the link below to find out more.

If you die within seven years and the total value of gifts you made is less than the Inheritance Tax threshold, then the value of the gifts is added to your estate and any tax due is paid out of the estate.

However, if you die within seven years of making a gift and the gift is valued at more than the Inheritance Tax threshold, Inheritance Tax will need to be paid on its value, either by the person receiving the gift or by the representatives of the estate.

If you die between three and seven years after making a gift, and the total value of gifts that you made is over the threshold, any Inheritance Tax due on the gift is reduced on a sliding scale. This is known as 'Taper Relief'.

Find out. If your dad didn't take the money you need never spend a second more thinking about this.

If he DID take it he deserves all the flack he gets, evil bastard.
I feel you kind of owe it to your mum. If he DID take it he needs to see disappointment in his children's eyes and feel ashamed.

But I would have done it years ago.

Good point ophelia although the recipient of a gifted sum of money has a duty to declare it. The OP shouldn't feel obliged to protect those who have chosen not to indeed if this was another sort of thread she would be lept on for the merest suggestion that she might facilitate tax evasion

Presumably when everyone received these gifts from your Grandfather, everyone reciprocated with a Thank You note.

Perhaps you can ask your Grandfather if he received your Mum's thank you note after the second lot of gifts?

Can't believe he would suddenly stop sending to your Mum. Unless he was maybe asked to by your Dad.

I agree you ought to know even if only to put your own mind at rest.

The thing that rings alarm bells with me the most is the fact that your grandfather suddenly decided to send everyone the cheques directly after that year, rather than via your father. Maybe he had his suspicions already?

I think, no matter what, I would need to know?but so difficult to know the words to use in such a delicate situation.

Would it have been possible for your step-mother to have taken the cheque without your dad knowing about it (if she had opened the letter from your grandfather herself I mean)?

I also wondered if there has been any incident or event with your father recently that has made you particularly want to know now?

Good luck, whatever you decide.