To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...

[AnnaLiza]

....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?

Tbh I don't know why people keep saying that 11 year olds should be fine and don't need supervision. I found it much easier to deal with them when they were 5

I had a random kid turn up at dd1s 12th birthday party was a disco and her mum just dropped her off she hadn't been invited she had found an invite in somebodies bag and told her mum she knew dd she didnt it was all very awkward I had to run after the mum and say we dont know who she is it was actually horrible the mum was livid with her dd

Drop and go. If you need people to help out, rope in a couple of friends. We had 20 at DD1's 13th birthday party, with me doing the cooking, another being DJ and DH just being there.

Mrsjay Wow! That girl had some nerve!

15 11 year olds will need supervision or it's a recipe for disaster. A few of them together will not so much, depending on the dc obvs.

I would never want to deal with dc of that age that I didn't know properly iyswim.

Have you ever helped out at cubs?

What at 11 Scottish, I don't think so, it would be cringeworthy to have your mum there. Next time op do bowling/cinema fr a few frends

I think op as been imposed upon
I'd be calling al parents on mobile sharpish
but then I make it clear no drop and go. I duscuss party in advance,so if you help me with coats,if you help with pass parcel.they know there's no drop and go.no way

I think 15 11yo is a lot,I think op has had a bad deal

Hi AnnaLiza, I did get the impression you were not from here and weren't familiar with the etiquette. Hopefully no harm done and you'll know next time.

Mrsjay Wow! That girl had some nerve!

she was only 9/10 I just think her fib took legs and she couldnt backtrack she was in my cousins dds class it was her invite she took/found and the cheek of it the mum didnt even RSVP either . she took her home i said she could stay and play with X cos she was there I didnt know what else to do

this is the funniest thread i've read in a while on MN.

Op i dont get why it was so hard to serve the food. either you tell them all to sit down or theyre getting nothing and then you set their plates infront of them (although why the hell would you, they're 11 not 3) it's not that hard. probably a minute's work?

or

you grab 3 or 4 of them and hand them a couple of plates each tell them to start at the top of the table and pass the food down.

tbh it sound slike you are just pissed off you had no adult company, which is fair enough as parties can be unbearable, especially if you're on your own. my guess is if there had been another adult for you to chat with you wouldn;t have even noticed how they were behaving. i think you just did because that was all you had to 'do' IYSWIM.

and yes in future, if you wnat help, organise it beforehand. either arranging friends and family to help out or put a note on the invites saying "parents welcome to stay and help out if they wish"

15 x 11 year old boys behaving nicely en masse with very little adult supervision?

Have you read Lord of the Flies?

"Pass the parcel" for 11 year olds .

At 11, ds went to a rugby game with 8 friends and then they came back for pizza, a sleepover and watching Scotland play rugby at the World Cup in the middle of the night.

Certainly didn't want any parents staying on! But likewise, I did expect (and got) a certain level of behaviour.

Sounds like the 11 yr olds saw the OP coming a mile off!! Heck, I'd have misbehaved for someone so useless they couldn't pass 15 plates of food off a trolley down a table full of pre-teens!!
My 12 year old regularly has 10 or so mates round at a weekend and I don't leave the sofa. They feed and water themselves!!

That poor birthday child must be so embarrassed.

Lord Of The Flies

yup,

do read the posts and keep up prettybird before you get all humphy
my dc are considerably younger,so pass parcel is age appropriate
the op had bunch of 11yo.hope that helps

I think only two Mums stayed at my DDs party (5). That's why I got my DSILs and DBILs to come along to help out. I also got two of my nephews (14) to stay (the kids love 'em) and one of the boys who came along had his brother stay too (who knows my nephews from school). I organised everything so all I had to do was cut the cake and hand out party bags at the end. Had a gazebo up with a 5 cd changer in it, on shuffle with kid friendly tunes on, and a bouncy castle. Food was in Happy Meal type boxes with cheese and ham depending on the religious beliefs. One of the little girls brought a nail polish set and they happily sat round painting each other's nails, and using the face paints my DD was given. No tantrums or arguments which me a bit tbh

Went very well, had help from the family to tidy up and it took under 20 minutes.

I never stay at parties unless its a Mum I know to chat with in the playground. Its not my event, so its not my problem! I think you should only stay if you are asked or if you have a nervous child.

Sorry OP

ot my event not my problem?
so you only stay if it's one of your playground clique
bad form.IMO at 5yo you stay,Id phone you to return

I'd return, take my child, and go home...!

Scottishmummy - I had read all the posts up to that point, hrncy why I was confused by your post, since this thread was about the reasonableness or otherwise of dropping and running for 11 year olds.

I am also reading (and posting) on an iPod, so once I start typing, I can neither "keep up" nor refer back to previous posts.

Often parents make other plans whilst their kids are at parties - if they know the host really well then it's ok to be asked but I'd feel put out if a mum I barely knew asked me to help out just because our kids were friends at school as chances are if I was the one asking - they would make an excuse. I think it makes a big difference which children you are inviting and who their parents are - do you see these mums at the school gates? I don't as the kids go to middle school now so they all get dropped off in cars or buses and go in on their own - no parents waiting at the school gates at night just in cars so you don't get to know any of them - it's very uncomfortable to stay to help out if you don't really know the host or to actually be the host and have parents stay you hardly know. By 11 we were just inviting kids to come round for pizza and a movie and then we'd leave them alone downstairs and watch a movie upstairs so we were there if needed but once the food was all on the table they helped themselves. Still 15 seems a few too many depending on where you held the party.

well you're at somewhat of a disadvantage then,if getting all humphy but not knowing context of post

i wouldn't return so you'd be stuck with my child till i'd finished at the hairdressers

FWIW - up to about age 8, I used to invite some parents to stay on and bribe them with bubbly and grown-up nibbles

But we are fortunate enough to have a large house with solid walls and a large garden where the kids can run riot

But I definitely never expected people to stay.

"IMO at 5yo you stay,Id phone you to return"

Really? We had a party at our house for 5 year olds, with a couple of parent helpers agreed in advance. I certainly didn't want 12 sets of parents staying and getting in the way! And as for snotty-nosed kids needing taken to the toilet, I think you're focussing on your 5 year olds again, not 11 year olds.

OP, did the other parents not assume the venue would do everything? It wouldn't occur to me to offer to help at a venue, as I'd have thought the staff would take care of this, though I'd help if asked - preferably in advance. What about your DH, have I missed that? Where was he?

Echoing other posters, 15 kids is a lot especially boys. The more there are, the more likely they are to get overexcited and behave badly.