To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...

[AnnaLiza]

....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?

Your mistake was not asking prior to the day!

Many parents have other commitments! I know there are lots of parties my DS wouldn't have been able to attend if I'd had to stay! Especially parents where there are siblings. My DS has no siblings (well, he will have very soon - 41 weeks grrr) but I don't stay at parties, because he doesn't want me to! I might stay if asked prior though... but I worked FT before mat. leave so given the choice between drop him at a party, or stay, I'd of declined the invite on many occasions - sadly for DS and the birthday child - because I don't have 2 hours to spare many days!

You need to be organised in advance OP. I always just ask a couple of the parents if family isn't available. Although I pretty sure I'd manage 11 yr olds alone. Why were they so badly behaved? What did they do?

No, in previous years I've always had at least a couple of parents come back in time to help with food (after play) without having to ask

They threw food at each other and spilled drinks amongst other idiotic things.

did you tell them off for throwing food around ? they would have got a swift OIY from me if they did that ,

and im sure spilling drinks was an accident

I think you need to re-think your childs birthday plans!

Time to stop the parties for excessive numbers, and do something else!

DS wants to go rollerskating for his next birthday. I'll be organising a few adults to be there, and inviting no more than 7/8 kids, because lets face it, 7-8 11 year old boys on rollerskates will be HARD WORK! I'll want a 2-1 ratio. And that is up to me to organise!

If I can't, then he can have a trip to cinema/meal, or a sleepover and movie night etc.

i htink 11 year olds are probably the worse bheaved at parties. ime

Again,

15 eleven year olds in your home

::makes swirly motion with finger next to temple::

well live and learn eh, sympathies for the mess created, hopefully you'll A not ask so many kids next time and B ask for a parent or two to stay and help you before the day

That is where you threaten to tell their parents, and stop the party, and send them all home... Maybe I have an authoriative voice, but this usually does the trick...

If an 11 year old (or any child!) threw food in my house I'd ring his parents to collect him immediately.
Spilling drinks isn't poor behaviour though, is it?

Yes all boys! They weren't at my house. It was a spy mission kind of party so they played and then sat down for food and that's when all hell broke loose!

You are being very silly. If you couldn't cope with hosting that many 11year olds, you shouldn't have offered to.

You don't give someone an invitation and then assume that they will expect to help. The other parents aren't mind readers!

The fact that they were badly behaved is another issue altogether. I would have been phoning parents to collect children who thought it was acceptable to throw food around. None of the many children I know of that age would be so ill behaved at a party.

In that case as others have said it's a case of live and learn.

You can't really be annoyed at the parents for not staying. I really wouldn't expect to stay with my 11 year old at an organised activity party.

They weren't at your house?

I never said that they were! I don't know why people assumed that

If you needed help, why didn't you organise the 11yos in advance and tell them what help you wanted? That would have kept them out of mischief.

Afraid I organised ds' 12th birthday party by slipping him a couple of tenners and telling him to take his friends into town for a burger. As far as I know that went off without a hitch.

Frankly, if the authority of one adult isn't enough to restrain silly almost-teens, then I don't suppose more adults would be the answer. With this age group ime it is about imposing your personality; you can't hope to do it any other way. Ds at 12 is as tall as me and has the makings of a moustache; if he and his friends didn't listen to me, there is simply no way I could have them round for parties. I would have gone for a much smaller party, rather than expecting the parents to treat it like a young child's party.

Because you said you had no help!

Surely if you were at a place there was staff?

No, the staff entertained the kids during the mission but didn't help/supervise the food

A children's party invite generally says 'please bring your child to this party' - it does not say 'please bring your child to this party, and stay for the duration to give me a hand'.

Yabu.

Yabvu.

Parents do not stay at parties from reception age onwards unless explicitly asked in advance

Only invite the number of children you can cope with.

YABU.

Wasn't there a thread a wee while ago that complained about parents staying when there wasn't room for them at a party?

I guess you know now so if you want help then ask.

last party i did was a bowling party for 12 yr olds they did get a bit ott but you really can tell them off next time do a fewer number,