To be peed off at parents who drop their children's off at birthday parties...

[AnnaLiza]

....instead of offering to help out!
It's not only about the child being able to cope without the parent. I do expect 11 year olds to be ok without the parents but how can it not occur to mums and dads that I may struggle to feed and look after a bunch of 15 kids when they sit down for food and cake?
I find it very rude that the parents just shoot off without even asking if I might need help. AIBU?

I've just read that they're 11 yo! My 4 yo tells me to go when she goes to her friends houses so I can imagine that there is no way an 11 yo would want her parents to stay.

no, you NOB END

I don't know how people know what to do.

There was a thread on here only the other week from someone pissed off because people did stay!

If you want help, ask a couple of the parents.

When my dcs(9 and 12) are invited to a party I start mentally deciding what I'm going to do, ie shopping, eating cake,watching a dvd The last thing I would think about is staying at the party to help!
If the parent had asked for my help with a bit of notice that would be fine but you organised the party it's down to you to sort it out.

Hands up then if you all agree!
I have no close friends or family and assumed that a couple if parents would offer to help. Instead they shot out before I had the time to ask for help!
Yes they were very badly behaved and I did struggle to pass the food, cake and drinks around. That's all.

YABVU and passive-aggressive into the bargain. A party is a party, not a mother-and-toddler group for 11 yr olds. It's the weekend and people have things to do other than helping you. If you don't have family nearby - neither do I, btw - then ask someone beforehand rather than saying nothing and then grumping about nobody offering.

At that age, it really isn't usual to stay and help, so no-one will have known that you were expecting it. They will have assumed it was just like all the other parties that their children go to, and the ones they organise themselves.

Passive aggressive?

You shouldn't have invited 15 if you knew you had no friends or family- never ever assume people are going to volunteer their free time, why should they for your daughter's birthday?

you are very unreasonable and self centred to think other people can mind read that you are poorly organised and need help.

That's really crap then Anna. I thought there may be some bad behaviour involved. Boys or girls? And did you tell the parents when they came to collect?

But did your DD/Ds enjoy it?

You have to help before the party, not expect them to read your mind that you might ask them to stay. I'm sure they all made plans because they were at least one child down for a few hours.

Honestly, open your mouth and talk. It isn't hard.

After the last house party I organised - seven 8-yr-old girls - I swore that I would never, ever do another one. And that was WITH the help of my dh and (heavily-bribed) older sibling.

Sorry, you have to ask before the party. Not even on my phone, just not paying attention to my typing!

YABU ad a little dramatic they are 11 not 3 if somebody asked me to stay and watch an 11 yr old at a party id be like this if you need help ask them they wont expect to have to stay most 11 yr olds are secure without parents you sound stressed about the party TBH

Did they do anything except eat?

Any badly behaved children would get short shrift from me, party or no party.

Passive-aggressive in that you didn't ask directly for help... then got cross with the other parents when they didn't read your mind and offer... then came online to grump about them.

Next time just ask before the party?? Assuming you get some responses via text, just text back saying "so glad that xx can come to the party, I'm looking for a couple of folk who can stay and help - are you able to??"

If they were badly behaved then you should have told the parents what were they doing that you couldnt tell them to stop being naughty I would have told parents if they all hadnt behaved maybe next time dont have a party if you have no help still you shouldnt expect help for 11 yr olds

Well consider it lesson learned and do something a lot easier next year - at 12 your child will probably prefer something like a cinema trip thankfully

If I'm not explicitly asked to help, I tend to assume that the host has hot her shit together, especially if I don't know her that well

YABU

But I think you know that by now

Ask for help in advance or maye invite the parents too and let them know there will be wine and nibbles for them or something

YABU. At 11 you expect to drop and run, parents may have other things to do that weekend and other kids to look after.
Agree with only inviting the number of kids you can cope with.

Don't assume people will help!!

You need to ask because they will assume that, as you are hosting the party, you will have thought this through!!

oh dear op. has this never happened before in all your previous parties? i would not expect help at 11, most parents of 11 year olds would shoot off to do something useful interesting

You are been unreasonable, and a bit bonkers.