To not want to buy back things I gave away for free?

[DinosaursOnASpaceship]

A few months ago I gave all of ds3s baby stuff away to a relative of exps (we were still together at the time). There was £100s worth of clothes and equipment (pram, swinging chair, moses basket, baby moniters, steriliser, all clothes up to 6 months) and it was all barely used. I gave it away because I didn't think I would be needing it again and I knew the person I gave it to would be grateful and get good use out of it.

About 4 weeks after giving it all away I found out I was unexpectantly pregnant.

I gave the stuff away not wanting it back, I wouldn't expect or ask for it back either. Once it's gone, it's gone. I've been on eBay and been saving up to replace everything.

It's up to her what she does with the stuff now she has finished with it but I really resent getting an email asking me if I want to buy some of it back from her.

I don't mind her selling it, it's coming up to Christmas and we all want to make some money but surely trying to sell things back to the person that gave thence to you is a bit off?

I wouldn't say anything to her - she's a lovely person, but won't be buying them back. I'd rather buy them from eBay etc than pay for the same thing twice.

OP you sound really nice.

I hope this all works out with minimal fallout

I wouldn't do anything if she didn't want to give any of it back - I gave it away with no conditions attached, it all belongs to her now. Even if she sells it, it's her choice. I'm just going to ask that if she does give any of it away that I get first refusal. I just found it cheeky that she sent me the message asking if I wanted to buy it, but maybe that was her way of giving me first refusal if she's definately decided to sell it. I wouldn't want to cause any fall outs or anything over it, it's just stuff at the end of the day. I may in future though pass things on to someone else rather than her.

Why not ask if she wants to buy any toys/clothes/equipment etc for the next stage up. She then will see that you will no longer be giving hand outs. I have a feeling you are too nice for that though!

Popped round for a cup of tea. Didn't want to make things awkward so said

"by the way, xxxx (exp) thought you were well cheeky sending that message about buying the stuff we gave you back I told him you were obviously joking what's he like "

She laughed and mmmm'd a bit.

Then just said, that I was having a bit of a panic about getting things ready for the baby (got 10ish weeks to go) and that if she had anything she wasn't using and wanted to pass on that I'd be grateful. She said, of course and that she'd have a sort through.

I did tell her not to worry to much about it though because I wouldn't want her not to sell it and to go without things they need just because she thinks I'll fall out with her about it.

Oh op you sound like a sweetheart but seriously you need to toughen up. Sheer manners to me would dictate that I would offer the giver the items back before selling/passing on any even if they had said no strings/not having another DC.

You said she could sell it so she doesn't go without but what about you and your DCs? You are having to save up to buy 2nd hand, doesn't sound like you have spare cash floating about. I'm all for goodwill but family first sorry!

Wow Dinos you're lovely.

Trouble is you´re not really telling her that you´d like your stuff back.

dinosaurs you are exceedingly nice. Far nicer than me. I WOULD have a problem with someone selling on and making money out of baby things that I'd passed onto them - I thought the idea was that they were meant to be passed on again and the goodwill thereby continued, not that someone else gets to benefit financially from not buying the baby items to begin with AND then gets to boost their cash reserves by selling them! Let's not forget that you've already done her a favour money wise as she hasn't had to pay for any of the things you passed on to her. I can understand not wanting to fall out with someone that you like, but it's not up to uou to make sure she has the baby things she needs (at your expense) and really she should make an equal effort on this front and think about how to do the right thing by you. Right now she has no idea how lucky she is at how kindly she's been treated by you as she's not been taken to task for suggesting you buy back your own things from her, so she doesn't seem to have a feel for how exceptional a favour you really are doing for her, which doesn't bode desperately well for her generally as not everyone in the world is going to be as nice as you. Had it been me or numerous others on this thread, she'd have had a far harsher reality check!

She has killed the golden goose- don't pass anything on to her in future.

Terrible, grasping behaviour on her part. I can't believe the cheek.

That cheeky fucking cow! I can't believe the utter gall of come people! Well I can but even so!

I'd have to say something to her. Even if it's just a simple case of saying to go fucking swivel!

She isnt lovely at all. A lovely person would hand everything back to your the second they found out you were pregnant. Or at least offer to. And they wouldn't fucking charge you for it! omg!

I'm afraid I would be saying something to her, lovely person or not. What a donwright cheeky nerve she has.

Can't believe she just laughed

We gave my SIL all kinds when she was pregnant, just because it was the nice thing to do and saved her buying them - they've got and always have had a much healthier bank balance than ours

When she'd finished with them she sold the lot. Yep, we'd given them without conditions but other babies were born into the family between her having her baby and finishing with the items. Just seemed a bit grabby to me when they could have been passed on within the family.

If she'd offered to sell them back to me (I have had another since then) I think I might have died of shock.

I think you got the message across quite well. (Although you needn't have told her not to worry too much about it! I assume she laughed out of embarrassment or to go along with "I told him you were obviously joking what's he like "

It was very much an embarrassed and nervous
laugh I think.

Thank you for saying I am nice, I am actually more dim than nice though and before this message was sent had made my mind up not to be such free and easy with my time and things. So, I won't be giving things away as often etc in future after being well and truly taken advantage of this summer.

Tis almost the season of goodwill and all that, and besides, I look at her and I remember what it was like for myself at one point. She's just moved into a flat and has hardly anything. I remember moving into a house and my ds and I had nothing other than what we were wearing. Now I have 10 years worth of collected crap. I must be feeling hormonal though as the thought of it made me cry.

It must be hard for her if that is the situation she is in, but there are some things you just don't do. Such as asking if someone wants to buy back something they gave you for free!

She's a double cheeky bugger!

If that was me I would immediately text you and offer it all back!

What a cheeky moo I would have reiterated what was said in the text about wanting my stuff back that I gave for free. So what if she is shrt of money you dnt throw back somebodies kindness back in their face

Bet you don't get anything back . . . . . as you gave her a get out clause of
I did tell her not to worry to much about it though because I wouldn't want her not to sell it and to go without things they need just because she thinks I'll fall out with her about it.

Yes, toughen up. You can do that without losing your kind nature.

She isn't really a friend, she is not your responsibility and you need to ask for your stuff back and then shut up! Don't say it is fine if she needs to sell the stuff. She has had the use of the stuff for free (no need ot buy or hire) and then is making free money to buy the next lot of stuff. Meanwhile you have paid out for the first lot of stuff and now have to again.

Why on earth did you bother to even raise the issue with her, if you then say, 'oh, it's ok don't worry too much'!?

Do you find that people tend to take advantage of you in other situations or is this a one off?

Hmmm. I was lucky to get a lot of secondhand clothes for free when my baby was born. I got plenty from my boyfriend's brother. Now they are having another kid and we've given back anything our kid has grown out of.

Trouble is, I have a friend who is also due to have a baby and she's definitely having a girl, whereas my boyfriend's brother doesn't know what he's having. I've told her that if they have a boy she can take her pick of girl clothes, but that they must stay in the family. She agreed but she's got form for doing unexpectedly selfish things...

This thread is giving out warning signals to me. I don't think she'd try to sell them, but I do think she might shift them on to other members of her family, never to be seen again. How do I go back on what I said, though?

Bah

So. . . Did you get anything back? ??

Wow OP, you sound like an utter pushover... no wonder people take the piss if they can get away with it! I am more stunned by your passivity than her rudeness, tbh...

My dh's cousin kindly gave us lots of baby stuff, but asked that we gave it back, so when her brother becomes a dad, the stuff can be passed on to him. Another friend has given us bits as she wants them 'to go to a good home.'. We wouldn't dream of selling any of the items. Everything will be passed dh cousin, and they can decide what to do from there.