Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

Perhaps you could try setting yourself up as a Slanket salesman?

OP much as your attitude stinks, you're obviously not stupid- why are you not going to university? You could continue with your martial arts by doing a sports science, leisure management or teaching degree.

Please don't wish him on overworked university staff. We have enough entitled PBFs to deal with already! Although, with the attitude expressed by his posts so far, the OP's son wouldn't last through the first few weeks of real hard work in a degree course.

My ds is 18 last year at collage . Is working in Sainsburys shelf stacking evening /nights not what he wants to do but it means earning something he combines that with helping out at home ( I'm a single parent and in a wheelchair and his youngest brother has Sn ) . But he figures it look good on his chosen careers that he shows he has a work ethic

He not perfect has his moments but reckons your a lazy sod and should pull your finger out

My 15 year old is planning UNi but is fully aware that he need a part time job as I can't afford to support him and is already looking into how even though he knows his course will be a heavy one ( planning med school )

Can you please explain why you need to be your mams carer?

You could go to university/ open university, college. All doors which would help you get a job. You are very young and could benefit from further education

Sounds like a lazy little sod who expects life to come to him and for his Mummy to make the nasty real world to go away and leave him alone.

*kelperrose8

Can you answer why your son has to be your carer?

It may help us understand your situation better

"Would you want your kids to be workies at the local construction site? I imagine not."

Goldeneye, my husband, a man in his 50s with a degree and over 30 years of experience, including 20 at a managerial level, is about to be made redundant and he will be looking at all kinds of work including the local construction site. As he says himself "I've done it before, I can do it again". Are you sure you are that far above him? Or that many employers would rather give a job to a man with your attitude than to one with his?

My dd has a Big Dream which I would like to encourage her to realise. I do this by high-lighting the kind of skills and attitudes she will need to acquire to even think of this profession and by pointing out that she must expect to work in other boring, low qualified jobs to finance it.

MaryZ you beat me to it again. I thought my youngest had a stinky attitude - ha now I see how lucky I am. My dd works weekends in an off licence,(she hardly drinks) and 4 days (on long shifts) for a fast food chain. Thank you OP you have made us realise what we did right bringing up our children.

I see the stroppy little boy has now created his own thread to whine.

I've only got to page 10 so far, but I just snorted at "if I can respond to you in such a well constructed manner"!

Bahahahahaha! Just HAD to leave my name on here. Wow,just ......wow!
OP - Good luck supporting your man-child, he's going to be leeching off you a loooooong time.
This is the first time that I have fully experienced the wisdom of one of my Mothers favourite phrases " Honey, you just can't reason with stupid people don't waste your breath"
Thank you for making me so appreciative of everyone in my life!

The OP's DS obviously hasn't twigged that the part time jobs he is looking for are also the ones which many parents want when they return to the workplace, so they can fit in with their childcare responsibilities.
He isn't competing with ill-educated teenagers for work, he is competing with highly-educated, competent adults with many years of work experience and who are so desperate for a job which fits with their family that they will jump through hoops and bend of backwards to keep their potential employer happy.
Until he finds a way to fill his CV with genuine experience, loses the attitude and starts to think about what he can offer an employer (not much at the moment) instead of what the employer can do for him, he simply cannot compete.

My DH is my carer, he is also in the RAF. When he isn't here my DSes step into being my carers. DS1(17)is doing his second year of A levels, just lost his part time job because the business went bankrupt. He'd love to work. He applies for every job going in our small county. He is off to Uni in September so he can join the Army [shock horror he is actually going to do a job].

DH is being deployed next year so all of my caring will be down to ds2 who will be in his first year of A levels. Hopefully he will have a part time job by then too. He will be off to Uni when he is 18 because he wants to be a nurse.

You just sound like a lazy oaf who does not want to work and will put up every bloody obstacle so you don't have to. I think they did the right think stopping your Job Seekers Allowance. You don't want a job, you aren't looking so why should they give it to you?

Poor MrsDeVere, I know from your other posts that you don't deserve this. If you think your son is responsible for his own attitude that's much harder to deal with than blaming everyone else like the OP does.

Does anyone else think they're not coming back?

MrsDeVere, wherever your DS got that attitude it certainly wasn't from you!

I love this thread - haven't had such a good laugh in ages

From my upper middle class (thirties mind you, not forties) sanctuary, well I wasn't born into this class, me and my parents worked bloody hard. My dad joined the forces age 16 as he realised he would learn a trade and better his chances which he did. Equally my mum moved countries, they wouldn't recognise her qualifications here so she retrained rather than throwing a strop and writing to her MP. She got a job putting knobs on kettles which by your standards was 'beneath her' but she didn't expect the state to step in and pay her rent for her if she was capable of work.

Yes I am a doctor but along the way I've also been a chambermaid and a care assistant to pay my own way through university. I didn't have a grant but neither did I get money from my parents. And I did loads of voluntary work to help my chances. If you speak to most of my doctor friends, they have done some shitty jobs as vegetable pickers, meat processors etc. Best junior I've ever worked with, worked in sales in call centres throughout university even though he hated it as he knew he needed the money to achieve his long term goal.

But apparently we are all lazy nazis.

Unfortunately you seem to have done a 1 year college course that doesn't really qualify you for any jobs. If you thought laterally, martial arts instructors teach loads of kids - their mums would be really impressed to know you had child care or teaching qualifications and experience. But you don't want to do child care because it isn't a job. Their mums would also be really impressed if you were a first aider or had volunteered for something like St John's Ambulance. But that doesn't fit in with your busy schedule. Clubs and security would be impressed by a martial arts geek - but you have some sort of objection to this.

When are you going to realise you are cutting off your nose to spite your face?

I'm now in the happy position of being able to interview applicants for my team - and over and over again we appoint the people who look like they'll work hard and we will enjoy spending our days with. You on the other hand

It's difficult isn't it.

ds had a great opportunity to work at a place very close to home. Until his "friends" told him the owner was posh and snobby (he had obviously fired someone) and he shouldn't work there.

So he refused to go back [baffled].

Peer pressure and not wanting to be seen to be doing an embarrassing job is very difficult at this age. Fortunately ds has found something else, but it only needs one "friend" to diss it, for him to give up. And there is nothing I can do about it - if I say anything he is even less likely to conform.

ilovesooty...where is this extra whiney thread please? I can't wait!