Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

Jeez, what a knobhead.

Where's the OP?Disappeared? Mind you, if I were her I'd have namechanged as I'd be so ashamed if my child had been posting with such an attitude.

Christmas in Edinburgh and none of the big shops/ delivery companies/ post office taking on extra staff?

Perfect time of the year for a 19yo to find a job to stick on his CV and prove to the JS that he's ready, willing and able to work.

Good job it's nearly Christmas or he'd be stuffed with an attitude like that.

Seriously? I cannot believe you attitude Golden and it's no wonder people are calling you entitled.

I came out of college for the second time with a diploma in childcare, I couldn't find a single job in the childcare area because, despite having worked in placements for two years through my course, I didn't have the level of experience they wanted. I ended up claiming JSA for around six months and applied for everything and anything I could find. I ended up getting a job as a support worker for adults with learning disabilities which is not the chosen field I was looking for but I'm damn grateful to have it and I certainly wouldn't refuse it because it's not the ideal job that I wanted.

I'm really not surprised that the JSA have sent you a P45 and you are most definitely BU.

Goldeneye I'm not in my 40's, I'm closer to your age than I am 40. You're the one in need of a dose of reality.

They work has dried up for my husband, more than once in the past 3 years. He took a head down arse up approach and got on with it. He even took a labouring job for a couple of weeks. There was a lot of work he couldn't get because he was over qualified. Potential employers would turn him down knowing with his skills and qualifications he'd be chasing the money again as soon as things picked up. So that's why he'd take whatever agency work was comin his way.

I work as well, always have. Staying at home with babies isn't for me and I work part time in a field I love. You have the luxury of choices when you can hand over a cv with no employment gaps in it for over ten years in your twenties.

But what would my husband know he's just a dumb workie?

who offered you a job but it's quite obviously beneath you

Have a , MrsKeith. Don't take it personally. He's a stroppy teenager who's had a lot to deal with - read this.

Oh my

Goldeneyedog

I wish you every luck in your quest to become a martial arts instructor. You have an idea of what you want to do which is great, and you should go for it. The most important thing therefore is to find a solution where you are training realisticly for this goal and also have enough money to support yourself until it starts to pay. Presumably it doesn't take 7 years before you can earn money in your vocation? Even lawyers are earning before this.

At the moment you have made a plan that involves finding PT work (or perhaps the underlying plan is to set yourself such limitations about work and give out such attitude that you are unemployable?). Whatever. Nevermind the DWP's requirements, if this plan doesn't work to get you on a fast track to martial arts instructorship within a few months then you need to change the plan.

I know plenty of smart, angry people who spent their twenties learning how to work the benefits system, but not how to get on. It is not a good outcome.

You need to be honest with yourself and your mum. ...Your mum said you were thinking of joining the army. You tell us you have no such intention. Your mum said you have an application in at at McDonalds and waiting to hear back. You say you will never work at McDs. Your mum says she has told you to spread your wings, you say you are needed as her carer.

I am not asking you to justify these inconsistencies to us. But I hope you have someone else to talk this through with honestly, who is not your mum, the JS people (..obviously..) or a mate who tells you what you want to hear.

In any field the people who succeed are not necessarily the brightest or the most hardworking, but the ones who are able to get people along the way to help them. You seem to have a knack for getting people's backs up rather than charming them. The JC people took it upon themselves to bend the rules not to help you but to punish you, your uncle tells you that there is no more work for you at his cafe, you go to college and don't meet anyone who can help you find work, you manage to piss off a load of mums on the Internet who were offering you advice and leads.

This leaves you are applying for jobs online with household name companies rather than being offered opportunities by people who know you (yes this is how most people get work, most people don't work for big companies. and even in big companies word of mouth counts).

It does come down to attitude. You seem to hold most people in disdain, This comes accross clearly, and so they don't go out of their way to assist. I am not sure how you can change that, although there is a whole self help literature around Effective Habits, Making Friends and Influencing People etc...

I think the best thing is to do is not just to progress the formal martial arts qualification, but to make it your mission you to search out and ally yourself with someone /people you do respect - a mentor(s) - build yourself a situation where you can show a good attitude, and try to avoid situations - the DWP, McJobs etc... where you can't.

Yes. Bless him.

If it were any of your husbands in this position and they were being sanctioned for things outwith their control and being made to go on these positions I can assure you that your approach to this would be different

Actually no, my approach would be no different at all. His approach would be VERY different to yours though. I wonder if it's because he joined the army at 16, worked his ass off, learnt some humility...

My DCs have a fantastic karate instructor. He is strict, and disciplined. And firm. And focussed,
But this is not how he gets his business. How is he one of the most successful instructors in our area.

His success is down to the fact he is lovely. Trustworthy. Willing to put himself out. Willing to be on the board of governors for the school (unpaid work). Will put himself out to help people.

As parents we trust him with our children from the age of 5. And the children all adore him.

And the reason he teaches 5 years olds onwards - because surely that is how you start martial arts - as a child. Generally.

From what I have read here from you I would not consider EVER trusting you with my children. And your disdain for "looking after children". FFS- children will know this from you. Their instincts are fine tuned. How many children would come away from an hour session with you wanting to go back for more.

My DS does martial arts, has done so since he was four. It wasn't very martial at the start, all v age appropriate.

The instructor has a lot of different classes in church halls, has a fixed gym thingy for a central base and works all the hours at every opportunity to get students in. I recommend her to everyone who will stand still long enough to listen because she is great with the kids, great with parents, disciplined and hard working. I think she is 25.

It's her great attitude and work ethic, plus an innate kindness to kids (which is probably when most start martial arts training) that is making her successful.

btw in her discipline you need to take classes to get a black belt. How has that worked for you?

I'm not in my 40s. I'm not upper middle class either. I may well be a wanker I guess. Anyway, there isn't any work either DH or I would rule out if we needed to. I'm currently on a career break and hoping to re-train as a teacher and just generally enjoying my time with the DDs while they're young. And giving them a good foundation in life. I'm selling some stuff on ebay & picking up bits of retail work here and there. It doesn't feel like a step backwards just because I haven't done it for 10/15 years, it feels like a means to an end.

But then DH and I have been lucky. And the harder we work the luckier we are. Because obviously DH just had his well-paid job presented to him on leaving university.

Anyway, if I was the OP I would be curling up in shame right now.

GoldeneyeDog - I understand the system sucks - and yes I have been unemployed - and I understand it is hard to find a job at the minute, but the more you post the ruder you get.

I'm reminded of Spud in Trainspotting, (without the drugs), trying hard enough to get a job without having his benefits cut, but not so hard as to get the job.

Anyway, that's enough from me, I gave you the benefit of the doubt, other people have tried to help, and you have been rude and condescending to everyone.

Good luck and all that - but I expect you'll still be in this position in ten years time with that 'it's everyone else's fault' attitude.

www.myjobscotland.gov.uk/fe/tpl_edinburghcouncil.asp?s=eziKhNSpCaRDiFfRax&jobid=145754,9387023678&key=132223617&c=87875282236056&pagestamp=sevkcpxgrpvxlbneix

www.myjobscotland.gov.uk/fe/tpl_edinburghcouncil.asp?s=eziKhNSpCaRDiFfRax&jobid=145754,9387023678&key=132223617&c=87875282236056&pagestamp=sevkcpxgrpvxlbneix

I am actually quite happy to be called an 'upper middle class wanker' . I am sitting on my arse- because it was an unbelievably shite time at work.

But GoldenBollox! Stick to your guns! Don't give into the man! And please gd never ever get a job in my office or near anyone I like

I simply can't understand why he hasn't found work, EVERYONE should employ a teenager while they still know it all.

I thought my son was a bit of a waster, but I am looking at him with new eyes having read this.

Yesterday he worked from 11 am to 8.30, and he is back in today at 3 until 11 pm.

This is "work-experience", for which he will be paid nothing. Nada, zip. But even he has the sense to see that he is building up a cv which says more than "stayed in bed, played a little xbox, went out drinking".

Well, fortunately, we reap what we sow.

Your son will make his own way in life one way or another, op. What does he want to achieve and how does he intend to get there? The immediate problem of getting a job can be easily overcome, as has been shown by all the personal testimonies here.

So, this is what you need to decide. Do you want to be able to have your own place, pay rent, electric, water, council tax, food, etc? Do you want to own a car and be able to pay for tax, insurance, mot and petrol? Do you want to go out with friends and pay for meals, drinks, theatre, etc? Do you want a relationship and holidays, new clothes, haircuts, mobile phones, laptops, etc? Do you want to be a self-reliant, responsible adult making a positive contribution to society? If so, how are you are going to achieve this?

First, you get a job, any job. If you don't have enough experience to prove that you are reliable, trustworthy and employable, you do unpaid voluntary work. When you are lucky enough to be offered paid employment, you take it, and you prove your worth. This will provide you with a reference which you can take to your next employer. And so on...

Opportunity does knock. But you won't hear it if you've still got your head up your arse.

I have just worked my way through much of this thread with a sinking heart over the attitude of the OP and her son. Picky picky picky.

For the record, I started volunteering for a charity, worked my way up and am now a Director of another charity. Each day, what I do when I go to work brings us a step nearer to a cure for Alzheimer's disease and other similar conditions.

There's a big picture to work which you are missing entirely and doesn't just involve entitled you, but a whole world out there.

I suggest you get off your selfish backside and do something useful. And soon.

I think golden has a very similar attitude that his mum has towards him. As in 'poor baby, none of its your fault'

However I think she will be mortified when reads this. I think she has no idea he has made a tit out of both of them.

For Goldeneye (?)

Thought you might like the perspective of a 40s middle class wanker who sits at home all day and lets her DH bring home the cash.

First up, I have a degree and I am a fully qualified accountant, and I worked full time since leaving Univeristy until 3 years ago. I've worked for construction firms (you wouldn't like the one I worked for, strong apprenticeship scheme, a number of those who started it on it are now on the board managing projects and budgets in the £10ms, but hey, you are better educated), Big 6 accountancy firms and banks.

I stopped working 3 years ago as I had twins as well as an older child so we have 3 children under 4 yo. Frankly my salary after tax wouldn't cover the childcare costs and would mean a lot of stress on the family as a whole. I don't expect you to understand that, I didn't at your age, but consider that a lot of the women that you have insulted will have worked for practically nothing whilst paying for childcare, for a number of years, so that they can keep their career going and be in a better position in the longer term. Be aware that they will have been paying taxes for people who weren't working, like the position you are now in.

I am planning on going back to work once the twins are at school and I am already looking at how I can do this, I'm considering changing careers to work as a Teaching Assistant and I have started a course to do this. Next year I'll be doing 1 - 2 days voluntary work plus studying, whilst of course sitting on my arse, whoops that should read looking after my children. In the future I would like to retrain to be a teacher, but this will be a couple of years down the line once I have some experience. I may find it difficult to get a job in this field if so I will probably temp in the financial field, but it will be at jobs 5 / 6 levels lower than what I have been doing. But given that I will have been out of the market for 3 / 4 years I recognise that I will need to start again.

The point of this lengthy post is that, my qualifications and experience far outstrip yours and I am prepared to start again so that I can get to a career I want later down the line. I know I have to do this because I have worked in a number of industries and recognise that hard work and taking responsibility for yourself, taking jobs to make connections, getting experience is what works in the end.

A number of people have already told you this, but you have dismissed it, you have written off the experience of people who are in a better position to know what it takes. But, hey your choice, rage at the world just don't expect it to owe you a living.

BTW I aim to teach my children that hard work and perseverence pay off in the end. I don't under estimate how hard it is to find work, I'm dreading it myself and I know I will get down about it, but dust yourself off, eat some chocolate and start all over again.

40+ year olds who don't know what it's like for young people getting a job now? You mean like when I was 21 an coming out of university into a recession? Oh perhaps you haven't bothered to research that? I worked for a year for free to ensure that I could continue with my chosen profession. There was absolutely no paid work anywhere and I didnt qualify for any benefits because the job centre considered my course a sandwich course even though my degree was finished.

I now run my own business, I am an architect who works on building sites every day, those men that you are dismissing as being beneath you may not be academically qualified (but, actually, are you? Not much evidence of that) but the majority are intelligent people who know their subject inside out and whose opinion I value and on top of that they work bloody hard in all weathers.

Your attitude is a disgrace.

I've just realised my 7 year old has more work ethic than you! Practically every day he's asking me when will he be old enough for a job delivering papers or working in the local shop!

And I can almost see the logic behind a skilled (world of difference between skilled and qualified) and experienced worker who finds themselves out of work turning down lower paid jobs but you? Nah.