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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked a 4 year old and 2 year old to let me sit down in the Doctors pharmacy?

722 replies

CandyLoo · 08/11/2012 13:32

At a small, tightly packed, busy pharmacy opposite Doctors surgery.
3 chairs (barely any standing room).
A lady, and the 2 children taking up the 3 chairs.
2 children not ill, in there with their Mum collecting a prescription.
No free chairs, I asked if I could sit in one of the chairs.
Mum moved one of her children, the other moved to stand with her sister.
Mutterings from the lady next to me, and when she left, said rather pointedly to the child, 'Here you are love, sit in my seat'. They left soon after.
By this stage, the pharmacy was very busy, I have no qualms giving up my seat to anyone older than me or simply if anyone needs it.
AIBU? The lady sitting next to me obviously thought I was, rude comments about me to her husband when she was outside.

OP posts:
roundtoit · 08/11/2012 22:45

how are they more vulnerable , mummy is sitting next to them , it will be about 5 to 10 mins waiting, . i dont think i ever got a seat on a bus when i was a child, i expected to get up and give every adult my seat, and still do now if needed. I hold good manners to be very important.

PickledFanjoCat · 08/11/2012 22:45

If your all old you will get the seats anyway Grin

PickledFanjoCat · 08/11/2012 22:46

No one can tell us why it is good manners though.

A fit healthy woman in her prime wanting to sit in the place of a 2 year old, just... because?

HOW IS THAT GOOD MANNERS??

Dont get it.

Argh.

hmc · 08/11/2012 22:47

Spot on Perceptionreality

mymatemax · 08/11/2012 22:47

Perceptionreality -its not about superiority at all, its just a nice good mannered thing to do.

Sirzy · 08/11/2012 22:47

"it's about teaching them consideration for others"

What about consideration for the child or do they not have the 'right' to sit down?

Why do we see children as something that is some sort of inconveniece who should move out of the way for adults no matter what? How is treating children like that teaching respect?

If someone is struggling then of course a chair should be offered (by anyone, not just a child) but just because someone is older than you you shouldn't have to stand.

mymatemax · 08/11/2012 22:48

no one is saying its good manner to take a childs seat (if fit & healthy) it is good manners to offer. There is a difference

saintlyjimjams · 08/11/2012 22:48

Please, thank you, standing so an adult can sit down, very basic table manners (bit of a losing battle with that one for various reasons). That's about it for me in terms of what I expect manners wise from my kids.

If someone doesn't correct their child when they don't say thank you, I think they're a bit rude. If they let their two children take up two seats when they could get them to budge up I think they're a bit rude. The world doesn't end, I just think they're not all that polite.

Sirzy · 08/11/2012 22:49

Perception has said what I was trying to say much better than I did!

FernandoIsFaster · 08/11/2012 22:50

BUT YOU ARE NOT EXPLAINING WHY IT'S 'JUST GOOD MANNERS' GAHHHH!!!

PickledFanjoCat · 08/11/2012 22:50

but then why do they have to offer to a fit & healthy woman (in the prime of life)

Agree JimJams with everything but this one aspect of your manners list!

Give up seats always for needful folk, if in doubt offer, if asked shift. but not a fit & healthy woman intheprimeofher life.

I have this vision of the op now in a tracksuit doing squats in the pharmacy lookign all robust and healthy!

saintlyjimjams · 08/11/2012 22:51

Why is please good manners, why is thank you good manners, why is holding a knife and fork a certain way good manners? They just are culturally. In Japan it's perfectly acceptable to spit on the floor and not hold open a door for someone so it slams in that person's face. That would be considered pretty rude here. But it's very rude in Japan to fill your own glass. Acceptable here.

I'm in the good manners to make children stand for adults camp.

perceptionreality · 08/11/2012 22:51

mymatemax - it is about superiority though, because the premise of the argument that 'it's good manners' is that the child should automatically give way to an adult. Otherwise you would argue that everyone should give up their seat immediately to whoever walks in avoid being perceived as selfish.

mymatemax · 08/11/2012 22:51

Oh really, its not abut rights & entitlement. Its hardly removing a childs human rights.
It is just an act of kindness & good manners that is good & easy to teach children at a young age. Thats all!

Oh & its easier to squash a small child in soemwhere else, on your lap, sit on the floor etc etc

PickledFanjoCat · 08/11/2012 22:51

YES Perception, yesyesyes.

Tincletoes · 08/11/2012 22:51

And I probably would have got my 2 to sit together jim... good manners are v important to me too. But it's a lot to do with making them nice considerate adults in the end, which sadly it doesn't sound like that's what the Op is, rather she just comes across as a bit of a bully trying to make a point.

saintlyjimjams · 08/11/2012 22:52

Manners don't have a reason do they?

roundtoit · 08/11/2012 22:53

there is never an age when the seat is always yours because it depends who needs it, i still give up my seat now to someone who needs it, ie old, pregnant or some young mum with child. I am afraid reading some of these i fear for the manners of some your children.

how is it good manners? well they have not been shown what good manners are so one day they are on the bus alone and a heavily pregnant lady gets on and the children take no notice and just sit there because they have not been told it good manners to give up your seat for some people.

saintlyjimjams · 08/11/2012 22:53

Asking if she could sit in a chair is hardly bullying.

Sirzy · 08/11/2012 22:53

The mother was stood up so she couldn't put the child on her lap. I would have moved both onto one chair but i certainly wouldn't have made the children stand up.

PickledFanjoCat · 08/11/2012 22:53

Yes they do.

There is usually some form of logic behind manners, and if there isnt, why do it?

Why do illogical and pointless things just because?

We all have our own different opinions on the ins and outs of manners, and this for me is not on my list.

mymatemax · 08/11/2012 22:54

Saintly - I tried to make that same point earlier, not every culture has a word for please & thank you.
It just is.
A request for an object has the same end result if you tag a please on the end. The please is just the cultural expectation

katiecubs · 08/11/2012 22:55

Roundtoit - they should give up their seats on buses too?! I would absolutely prioritise pre-school kids in this situation.

The are so small and not 100% steady on their feet, it would be so dangerous to have them standing. Are you mad?! What is there was a crash and they went flying.

Rindercella · 08/11/2012 22:56

22 pages on this since lunchtime?! Bloody hell Shock

PickledFanjoCat · 08/11/2012 22:56

Pass me the salt please.
A reason to say please

Its logical and it makes sense to me.

Move for the lady.
Why
I dunno actually she is younger than me and she looks pretty healthy.
Erm, just do it.