To have asked a 4 year old and 2 year old to let me sit down in the Doctors pharmacy?

[CandyLoo]

At a small, tightly packed, busy pharmacy opposite Doctors surgery.
3 chairs (barely any standing room).
A lady, and the 2 children taking up the 3 chairs.
2 children not ill, in there with their Mum collecting a prescription.
No free chairs, I asked if I could sit in one of the chairs.
Mum moved one of her children, the other moved to stand with her sister.
Mutterings from the lady next to me, and when she left, said rather pointedly to the child, 'Here you are love, sit in my seat'. They left soon after.
By this stage, the pharmacy was very busy, I have no qualms giving up my seat to anyone older than me or simply if anyone needs it.
AIBU? The lady sitting next to me obviously thought I was, rude comments about me to her husband when she was outside.

they go on your knee .

pickled that really made me laugh, there must be some advantages to being old!

No pickled they don't, it's just culture as mymatemax says.

Why would it be extremely rude to pour yourself a drink in Japan? What possible reason could there be for it being the height of bad manners? I learned very quickly not to do it. (To the point that when I got home I found it very rude when people would fill their glass and leave mine empty - wouldn't even have noticed before I went there).

I give up a seat on bus for a woman who gets on with kids this small, its a nightmare staying upright without holding hand of a 2 year old.

Could you pass me the salt? Has the same effect, the "please" doesnt make it the question/instruction its just the polite bit.

I could reply, get the bloody salt yourself

I don't know how to sugar coat this roundtoit but your good manners seem to be an arbitrary set of rules written in stone, without rhyme or reason. You can't offer any rationale for why children must offer their seat to all adults ( even the very hale and hearty ones) other than it's - in your opinion - good manners. That's a bit opionated and errr...rude actually.

My 8 and 10 year old would unquestionably stand, without prompting, for an elderly or pregnant person; they have been taught consideration to others and are bright enough to work out that different situations warrant different responses

But if you were conversing in a language with no please?

There is no point in please. I didn't bother teaching my eldest son a sign for please until very recently. He can't talk, for many years he had one word communication using signs or symbols. He had no need for manners - he needed to learn ways to communicate full stop. The word please communicates nothing. It is simply a cultural expectation.

Like queueing. Plenty of cultures don't bother with a queue, they just barge in. Others it's the height of rudeness.

But I will always tell my daughter to give up her seat for people who need it more than she does. But the 'need' will be based on actual need and not on age.

Why are these mysterious chair vacating manners expected from children but not from adults. Would you expect me to offer my chair, but you would expect my 2 year old to offer hers? Just because she is 2? She would be bad mannered if she was to stay put but I would not?

Rindercella, just shows there is shit on the TV.

That should be would you not expect me to give my chair. Past my bedtime.

Yes it's arbitrary. And as I was brought up to give up my seat (and would have been hissed at had I not), and my friends were as well, it just became my cultural expectation. I do find it rude when children don't. It doesn't bother me enough to do anything, I just find it rude. And so on and so forth with pleases and thank yous (with the exception of ds1 as he has a reason to not understand manners).

Mymate

maybe they are set in stone but i am a great believer in manners maketh the man. in my school it is a struggle every day with manners or the lack of them.

Well if my 2 year old was sat next to me in for eg a doctor's waiting room or on a short bus journey I would sit them on my lap. Whether for a 15 year old, a 35 year old or 85 year old.

Exactly what hmc said.

I will teach my children manners alright just ones that make sense! Absolutely give up your seat to someone who needs it but not to one who needs it less than you.

Things change, we don't all go round being sexist and racist anymore just because it used to be socially acceptable.

Trying to teach my youngest to say thank you was very hard, he had what he wanted so what does it achieve?
Now if i remind him by saying manners he will sometimes respond with the wrong learned stock phrase.
There is no logic to much of what we say & do.

Doesnt mean we should stop though.

I believe its just good manners to be kind to others & offering a seat is a simple way of showing kindness

No manners make sense though!

But when it comes to standing/not standing it can't be set in stone because it is impossible to judge other people's level of need. Often it is more important for a young child to be sat safely than it is for a fit and healthy adult.

I think comparing getting your child to stand/share a seat with a sibling/sit on your knee so someone can sit down with racism/sexism is a bit bonkers.

But jimjam the mother was already stood up.

Take for example eating food. Here it is polite to eat quietly? Would you correct your children if they didn't and it was all mouths open everywhere?

If so why? In Japan (which is providing me with a lot of examples) it is rude not to slurp your noodles in the most revolting fashion. It made eating in noodle bars an interesting experience.

No actual reason to slurp or not slurp. Slurping versus not slurping doesn't improve digestion.

in logical/funtional terms manners are a complete PITA
Oh they complicate things

I wasn't - just highlighting how things change!

Anyway this is getting dull, off the bed yawn.

So the siblings could have shared a seat?

OP: YANBU