To have asked a 4 year old and 2 year old to let me sit down in the Doctors pharmacy?

[CandyLoo]

At a small, tightly packed, busy pharmacy opposite Doctors surgery.
3 chairs (barely any standing room).
A lady, and the 2 children taking up the 3 chairs.
2 children not ill, in there with their Mum collecting a prescription.
No free chairs, I asked if I could sit in one of the chairs.
Mum moved one of her children, the other moved to stand with her sister.
Mutterings from the lady next to me, and when she left, said rather pointedly to the child, 'Here you are love, sit in my seat'. They left soon after.
By this stage, the pharmacy was very busy, I have no qualms giving up my seat to anyone older than me or simply if anyone needs it.
AIBU? The lady sitting next to me obviously thought I was, rude comments about me to her husband when she was outside.

Oh blast, not the parent remaining where they were, but allowing their offspring to do so is what the question should have contained.

I wouldn't have asked but I would have told ds2 and ds3 to move. I would expect ds2 (10) to notice and move himself tbh, but would have reminded him if he didn't.

I have only read some of the 15 pages so apologies if I am repeating anyone.

No-one would ever have to ask me for my child to move regardless of their health/age - I would always move my child for an adult, without being asked. Its just common courtesy! Now my children are teens they don't need asking, they just stand to let an adult sit if there are no other seats.

Hmm I think this thread probably explains why some children seemed stunned to find the world does not revolve around them :old fashioned:

Isn't getting them to give up seats etc a way of getting them to think about others? Thinking about others isn't something that comes particularly naturally to many children I find.

Incidentally I lived in Japan where people were respected simply for managing to live a long time, and it did enhance general social interaction I found.

I'm on the fence with this one. Like others on this thread, when I was growing up children always gave up their seats for adults. If you were on the bus and didn't do so, the driver would turn round and tell you to get up, or you'd get a nudge from the old lady next to you.

It was absolutely instinctive and none of us ever felt hard done-by about it. If we'd been asked to articulate the reason for it we would probably have said something like "because we are young and healthy" or "because we've been at school and the grown-ups have been working hard" or "it's just polite".

I have therefore never allowed DS1 to occupy a seat when an adult might need it. When he used to commute in London with me, I always told him that if the train filled up he would need to sit on my knee or stand between my legs. When he asked why I would tell him that he didn't pay for a ticket yet and the adults did, and that when he was grown up and buying a ticket then he would be allowed his own seat. If I'm somewhere like the OP describes I will always move him if adults are standing.

In the situation described in the OP, I would either have sat down with DS2 and made DS1 stand, or if he was unwell I would have stood with DS2 and let him sit down.

But I do think it sounds like the OP was just trying to make a point and I think this was unreasonable.

I dont expect people to move for me just just just because I am older then them.

When I am very old and more frail then I would appreciate it.

I simply cannot imagine demanding a two year old shifts so that I can take the seat.

Nope.

I would move my dc if someone needed the seat - frail, ill, pregnant - but op didn't NEED it,she just wanted it to make a point about the otherwise well behaved dc being bad mannered?! I don't understand this at all.
YABU.

What mrsdevere said! I'm 26 op so that makes me younger than you so by your rule that you give up your seat for people who are older than you, then I guess I should give up my seat for you?

If a child offers to give up their seat for you then great, they are lovely and polite but if they don't then that's up to them and it was incredibly rude of you to ask. The poor kids probably just thought they were being good and doing as they were told.

It's not bad manners. If anything if I was on my own and another woman was there with two small children I would be loathe to make her life more difficult by being a big snark.

Oh I thought you were going to say you were ill or needed to sit down for some reason but you just think for some reason your more important

So you kicked a child off a seat for no other reason than you thought you were more entitled to it. Would you ask an adult to give up their seat ?

I would always get DS to give up his seat to anyone who needed it (and probably would even ask him to move in deference to an older person.... but to have the cheek to DEMAND a seat

Kungfu You have articulated your point so well - I think you are absolutely right!!!!

It's not about a need to sit down. As a parent I teach my children to stand for adults because it's polite. As kungfupannda says it was considered extremely rude for children to stay seated when seat competition left adults standing.

Now whilst I would never demand a seat from a child, I would definitely prefer the behaviour of a child who stood up, or a parent who moved their child to allow an adult to sit down. I wouldn't be hugely impressed by someone arguing their child has as much to the seat innit.

You may not care how your children come across but (for example) Kungfupannda and her brood would have come across well to me, others on here less so. I'm not that old.

Incidentally if someone asked ds1 to stand I would stand instead as he needs to be contained. (Although tbh I think I'd fall over if he sat anywhere more more than 20 seconds).

Am very interested in when it stopped being impolite for children to remain seated. In the mid to late 70's you were definitely expected to move.

Maybe when people like bus drivers or random passers by stopped telling you off if you didn't move? Is that a result of there being no such thing as society?

OP here.
Thanks for all your comments. I'm going to address some of them, especially those of you who have asked me specific questions.
I shan''t post on this thread again, I'll leave it to you to fight it out amongst yourselves...

• I am 38 with 2 children (5 and 2) and able bodied.
• I don't think I'm superior to anyone, including children.
• I didn't demand, shout, swear, shove the children off their seats etc... I politely asked, and expected mum to respond (she did).
• Of course I don't expect a 2 year old to know she should move.
• I would let my elders sit down, yes.
• The mum may well have said no. If she had, I would politely have told her I think it is rude for 2 children to take up 2 seats in a small pharmacy. Had she said one of her children was ill, I would have apologised.
• No, I wasn't the oldest in the pharmacy, the random lady (seated) was.
• Pharmacy is tiny. No room for children to explore / run around. Irrelevant whether they were touching things or not.
• I may be lots of things, lazy is not one of them. BupcakesAndCunting Yes, you're right (does that make you feel good, by the way?) I did feel a sense of social injustice. I do feel that ,'pampered little darlings, let them rest their tired little legs) is just ridiculous. To me, it was about manners (a lack of). I'm not getting drawn into race / equality / why I didn't go to Boots / have a walk etc.... I asked a question, you answered, I wasn't asking for anything else. Am I glad I asked the question in AIBU? Yes. I wanted opinions. Thanks to those of you who stuck up for me!

I probably would have moved my child anyway so you could sit down, quite happy to have her on my lap.

However, I do think for someone who is fit and healthy, why can't you stand and let the 2 yr old remain seated? For all you know, the child could have been tired or disabled. Trust me, if my 2 yr old is sat on a chair - she is tired!

Why are you more important than the little one? She was sat there first.

YABU.

I do wonder why you started the thread, OP.

You thought it was rude that children were allowed to sit down.

The lady on the other seat thought that you were rude.

Did you think we were all going to pile into her or something?

Fair enough on the detail you've set out OP but, if you don't think you're "superior to anyone, including children" then why do you consider that your 'right' to sit down is greater than theirs?

Interesting that somebody older than you thought that you were in the wrong though ;)

The attitude on this thread really demonstrates to me how all the little princes and princesses get so entitled.

My children don't need to be asked to offer any adult their seat. They have good manners. Often an adult will decline, which is fine but the offer has been made.

I regularly stand, at the end of a working day, having paid for my season ticket, on a train journey of 45 minutes whilst very young children sit down - or rather stand up in their seat to talk to each other or run actoss the aisle to mum. I'm tired, fed up and my feet are often killing me. I never ask for a seat though - just waiting for one day some parent to realise and offer to make room.

The attitude on this thread really demonstrates to me how all the little princes and princesses get so entitled.

How blardy ridiculous can you get.

For crying out LOUD!

Gosh I expect all we need to do its make all our little kids leap from their seats whenever an adult approaches and britian once more will be fixed.

Send em up a chimney.

That'll learn em.

regularly stand, at the end of a working day, having paid for my season ticket, on a train journey of 45 minutes whilst very young children sit down - or rather stand up in their seat to talk to each other or run actoss the aisle to mum. I'm tired, fed up and my feet are often killing me. I never ask for a seat though - just waiting for one day some parent to realise and offer to make room.

Entitled or what. Can you hear yourself? What makes you different to the rest of the population?

As an aside.

I'm quite worried, I'm 34 - does this mean in only four years time I'll feel so incapable of standing for 5 mins I'll have to bully a chair off a toddler?