To be dreading Christmas?

[kensingtonkat]

I just don't want to do it this year. I didn't grow up in a religious family and we only ever did Christmas in a very half-hearted way.

DH's family makes a Bloody Big Grasping Showing Off Deal of it.

Everyone circulates long and elaborate Father Christmas lists - including the grandparents. I thought Father Christmas stops being real once you're seven, but it doesn't seem to get in the way of their requests.These people have everything they could possibly want and more than enough of the things they need. One year I asked for charitable presents from Oxfam Unwrapped and FIL told me it wasn't in the spirit of Christmas!

SIL goes completely overboard because she doesn't work, and makes very elaborate Martha Stewart style preparations in terms of food, drink, flowers, tree etc. She also hosts a glamorous drinks party on Christmas Eve with caterers and waiting staff. Then she produces Champagne Brunch and a huge Christmas Dinner. Because she has gone to so much trouble we feel compelled to join in. Oh, and DRESS UP like we're in Downton bloody Abbey.

I know it's unkind but I do spend much of the time thinking, "This is naff and excessive and in a recession you need to calm the f*ck down."

I also hate Midnight Mass, to which I am guilt-tripped into going against all religious principles.

I'm just sickened by the excess of it all. The greed and total lack of concern for the less fortunate. The sheer bloody futility of consumerism.

Maybe you could start something like the whitechapel mission for homeless people in your pils town? Are you planning to have kids at all? You might find you get more into the whole Christmas thing more then, just take a break from it until then.

OP

Come to mine instead. I ignore it.

Tell me how much good you do, Enjoy, and I'll see if I'm suitably chastised.

FFS.

OP I'm not the one wailing about the poor and needy. But since you ask I volunteer at Oxfam. I'm also gracious enough to enjoy an invitation when I get one.

HTH.

my father died last christmas

this christmas is going to be very very hard

i feel slightly panicky every time i think about it tbh

Well done you, Enjoy.

If you care to learn to read, you'll also see that I also accept this invitation graciously, year after year, despite my own reservations.

Gymboy I am truly sorry . Do you have friends and family you could be with?

I have read. I've read you whining. Just don't go. Problem solved.

I'm not a selfish c*nt, Enjoy, I want my husband to be happy because missing out on Christmas for him is worse than joining in for me.

Now do run along.

yes

to be honest i just want to hibernate at home with my husband and sons
i really don't want to be with my siblings and my mum-that sounds awful doesn't it?

last christmas was horrific-we had to try and be normal for the sake of the children and it was just awful

OP you sound quite horrible and judgey, but I'm sure with all your talk of charity and such you're actually trying to sound the opposite. It just isn't coming across that way.

People approach Christmas differently. Even within families. You need talk with your husband and come up with a compromise. Perhaps every other year at your sister in laws or something. The other year you can volunteer, go on holiday, see your family, have a Christmas alone, whatever.

But to hoik your judgey pants at your in laws (perceived) extravagent Christmas and how they'd be so much better volunteering and buying charitable gifts while doing naff all to challenge or change it just makes you sound bitter and mean.

Gym It doesn't strike me as strange at all - you want your closest family around you, and I can see that being with siblings might make it harder to cope with.

Will your Mum be alone though? That would really bother me .

I think you're being miserable - I love christmas.
You're completely within your rights though, not to go to church.
Skip that bit and enjoy the day?

Stunt I am horrible and judgey, but only about people who need to be judged .

no mum won't be alone-

Well that's thr crux of it right there. Got quite the superiority complex there don'tcha?

*the

In that case, Gym, just say that you need some quiet time to heal. Hugs to you.

I think it is really unfair of your DH to get his way every single Xmas TBH. I am lucky (!) that DH and I have no real family invites on the day, but I know a lot of MNers alternate between sets of parents, surely that's fair?

OP YABU and I hope you don't ruin OH's Christmas by constantly moaning, having a long face, and generally being a grump. Your in laws don't sound particularly show offy, they just sound like people who really enjoy a nice old fashioned Christmas. What is so wonderful about celebrating it in a 'half hearted' way?

YANBU - DH and I also "hate" xmas. We escape on holiday every year - it's much simpler and soooo much nicer. No cards, no presents, no irrational exhuberance.

If you have kids you can persuade DH that you need to start having your own family christmas and developing your own traditions and memories.

In the meantime, I don't think it is fair for you to have to go there every year. Can't you persuade DP to have xmas with just the two of you, pared back, low key and chilled out, maybe a cottage somewhere nice and remote. He owes it to you to try your way one year.

I hate the having to buy stuff thing too. We are broke this year and have told family we can't afford it. I used to get Argos catalogue numbers to get for the DNs, it was all so grabby. And I would not always get thank yous.

All the stress and expense for a few minutes of frenzied present opening, (and this is the adults) I want to shout grow up.

As an adult, I like seeing family, sharing food, a bit if telly, a few games, some nice red wine and a log fire.