To be dreading Christmas?

[kensingtonkat]

I just don't want to do it this year. I didn't grow up in a religious family and we only ever did Christmas in a very half-hearted way.

DH's family makes a Bloody Big Grasping Showing Off Deal of it.

Everyone circulates long and elaborate Father Christmas lists - including the grandparents. I thought Father Christmas stops being real once you're seven, but it doesn't seem to get in the way of their requests.These people have everything they could possibly want and more than enough of the things they need. One year I asked for charitable presents from Oxfam Unwrapped and FIL told me it wasn't in the spirit of Christmas!

SIL goes completely overboard because she doesn't work, and makes very elaborate Martha Stewart style preparations in terms of food, drink, flowers, tree etc. She also hosts a glamorous drinks party on Christmas Eve with caterers and waiting staff. Then she produces Champagne Brunch and a huge Christmas Dinner. Because she has gone to so much trouble we feel compelled to join in. Oh, and DRESS UP like we're in Downton bloody Abbey.

I know it's unkind but I do spend much of the time thinking, "This is naff and excessive and in a recession you need to calm the f*ck down."

I also hate Midnight Mass, to which I am guilt-tripped into going against all religious principles.

I'm just sickened by the excess of it all. The greed and total lack of concern for the less fortunate. The sheer bloody futility of consumerism.

sparklingbrook - I love you. That is EXACTLY how I feel.

BAH HUMBUG

People like your family are the best thing for the recession, just sayin'.

And I'm athiest and Midnight Mass sounds wonderfully romantic to me....and I always like carol services!

You see some people love going on holiday to the same place every year and I totally get that ( yes you DM and DF). It's just not for me.

On Christmas Day you wouldn't know it though, I enter into the spirit (literally mostly).

I have a plan though for this year. No sitting about in what seems like 7 Sundays in a row after Christmas Day. I am going to DS1's bedroom instead.

*decorate.

That sounds amazing! How can you not enjoy that?

I wouldn't go to midnight mass-actually I've never been to one and I am kind of intrigued, don't believe in god though so can't imagine I'll be going anytime soon!

Overall I think YABU and a miserable person. They clearly love Christmas and want to share it with people they love, that includes you-be happy! I hope you at least do a good job of pretending to enjoy it!

Sounds great to me as well tbh-apart from the list of presents.

So essentially it´s a drinks party, Midnight Mass, brunch & Christmas dinner?

Wow-how dare they

I've only read the OP but it strikes me the number of things you say you 'feel compelled' and 'have' to do.

You're a grown up. No, you don't have to do any of it. Can you not make a stand at all?

If not then you're just enabling it really - and I know there can be massive pressure but you don't have to be horrid about it, and if people 'take offence' that just means they don't respect your very valid decision not to be part of a big farce you hate.

Btw I don't do Christmas like that either - we are very low key. I often end up making part of the dinner on Christmas eve as it's too much to have all on one day (just me and the children).

We see my parents for a couple of hours - we come home and eat here by ourselves, no fuss, no bother, some nice presents and playing with new stuff and some TV.

No mass (I wa brought up Catholic, but I'm SO not one) and no relations - we did visit my granny till last year but she wasn't very friendly last year so we're not going this time.

It's not worth putting yourself through it.

Sounds like she's compensating for having shit Christmases as a child. I very quickly realised why dh has to spend money at Christmas and why I want the kids to have a lovely time. His parents worked every Christmas and his brother looked after him (no Xmas dinner, very few presents). My dad was always a miserable so and so. Ruined many a Christmas for my sister and I. It wasn't until I left home I found out why. But I wish I'd known sooner as we would have been able to be more understanding of his hatred of Christmas.

It's had a big effect on how we celebrate our Christmases. Dh tried his hardest to not work Xmas day. If he has to, we shift celebrations to Boxing Day so we still have that family time. I dress the whole house up and involve the children in as much as I can, I get as excited as they do for the magic of it.

If you genuinely find it too much, drop out of some things. Perhaps start new traditions for you and your family. But for the sake of your dh, at least make an effort for some of the smaller affairs. And maybe ask about her childhood Christmases to see if you can get an insight into why she goes overboard. It may help you understand, even if you still don't enjoy it.

So she doesn't work but has money for champagne and caterers? You sound a bit resentful and miserable. Maybe you'd like my in-laws who eat quality street on garden chairs (yes, in the house) and I'll have yours

I understand OP , I start to dread Xmas from about September, I think it stems back to my childhood when Xmas was always a fraught time between my divorced parents .

It was fun when the children were little and I still enjoy them getting presents and having a nice meal I'm not a complete party pooper , in fact if anything I would like a more lively time , but as someone said higher up the thread it's just boring , like going to the same place on holiday every year .It's the obligation thing isn't it and the fact that it's the same every year.

I have cooked Xmas dinner for my in laws for 18 years, and for those people who say to just not do it , the problem is everyone wants you to , the children would be heartbroken if we didn't invite PIL but left them on their own in the next village ,the idea of going out horrifies everybody , so it's the same every year , the irony is that that's what they love about it just as that's what I hate .

We can't afford to go on holiday over Xmas , far too expensive and going to a cottage or something would just end up with me cooking lunch there!!

I said last year that I wasn't doing the same again but here we are in November and everybody is desperate for the same again .

Whilst I quite like the sound of the Downton Xmas...I would hate to have to do it every year.

Can you not suggest an alternative for you and your own family OP? A holiday?

To some extent, I am a bit miserable about Christmas, but not for the reasons you're assuming . My parents are doctors and if they weren't working over the holidays they'd be volunteering. Christmas is a horrid, lonely time for so many people and my parents used to bang that home to us, so I guess my experience of it is very different from DH's.

Before DH and I married and started spending Christmases together, I used to volunteer at Whitechapel Mission. You can see why my SIL's complaints that the celery salt isn't good enough for the quails eggs make me stabby.

YY to the people who say the present lists are the worst. Adults asking for presents makes me want to heave.

And I don't want to dress up, damn you. Christmas Day should be spent in your jammies, it's the law .

Sorry to dripfeed but I also find the sheer length of these very elaborate Christmas festivities physically exhausting. I don't want to have a long drive, stay for three days in a hard bed in a cold spare room, and then be jolly for all that time.

OP, sounds VILE! I love christmas but could not hack an upper class affair like the one you describe. Christmas is a non religious 'yule' celebration in our house, about kicking back in your pj's and eating a fry up together and and opening presents together, having an evening roast and then going for a nice walk round the lake. My DC's presents this year are all from charity shops in an attempt to be environmentally friendly and less consumerist. I wouldn't go to the type of christmas party you describe. If it's not your thing, do something else. Do you have dc's? It's time you start setting your own traditions if you do. If you don't, I'd fill up your festive schedule with charity work instead. Don't just go along with it and complain or your just as bad.

The comments about not working weren't intended to be snide. Most people find the run up to Christmas is the most fraught time of year at work, so just cannot find the time to do anything fancy.

SIL doesn't have that pressure so goes to town. It would be understandable if she enjoyed it but I get the impression she's distinctly going through the motions too .

I think it sounds really fun. It also sounds like it is super easy to do your Christmas shopping if everyone has a list!

I'm an atheist who has attended Midnight Mass when staying with religious family, it's not the end of the world :)

Dave, part of the problem is that they're not upper class . It's a very inauthentic style of life, as if they're pretending to live in a Richard Curtis film.

I'd just like Christmas to be comfortable and unpretentious I guess.

Different strokes for different folks. But the excess of it really offends me.

Well as I said before, sounds great to me-but maybe not every year.

But do you go to theirs every year-and if so, why?

I love the sound of their Christmas, so I think YABU.

I would love to go to this type of Christmas! Embrace it!

Yes, we go every year. SIL likes a family Christmas and has the biggest house.

My parents have never made a big deal of it so they've never thought it's unfair. My siblings join them, or us, or go on holiday.