to be a bit annoyed and hurt with DH?

[KittyLilith]

DH and I are both students. This morning we both had presentations to give. He's fine with public speaking and was happy and confident about his. I'm not and have been stressed and nervous for a week about it. He knows this.

This morning I left before him and texted saying good luck which he replied with a thank you. This afternoon I texted again to ask how it went and again got a reply, quick chat etc. Not once has he mentioned my presentation or asked about how it went or anything.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt and annoyed that he couldn't spare me a thought and a quick message? I know it's only a little petty thing, but I'm still a bit upset.

YANBU but thats men for you

I'm assuming he's busy? I'm not making excuses for him but sometimes when you're preoccupied your mind doesn't think about what it should be saying

I'm not sure if YABU or not, TBH. My DH is the same - I think he sometimes forgets he's not the only one who's studying for a degree.

How did it go?

He's not busy. He told me as much in his messages. He does tend towards thoughtlessness (if that's a word) and I know if I point it out he'll be apologetic and ask. I sort of want him to ask because he wants to know though not just to placate me.

It went quite well thank you sunny better than I expected anyway. I do know my stuff but it doesn't stop me hating public speaking or shaking like a leaf when I'm done.

He's an arse OP.

And you know what they say "Once and arse ----

Very blunt ClippedPhoenix but I have to agree he has been acting like an arse lately.

When he gets home just say to him that you were disappointed & hurt that after you asked how his (breezy no problem) pres went, he didn't bother to ask how your (sweaty handed shakey leaf-y) pres went.

TBH my DP hates texting, phoning, etc. So I just leave those kind of conversations till he gets home.

Well done to you for doing something you find difficult! Your DH sounds really selfish actually. YANBU to be hurt.

mmmerangue Well I got home and brought it up and as I expected I got apologies and the excuse he thought it was tomorrow. I'm home tomorrow and he knows it.
Stanley thank you.

Nothing like a bit of gaslighting to get you out of a situation is there. My blunt comment stands even more now

I don't buy it as an excuse when people say they hate texting, phoning etc.

Her husband should have known it was important to her and made the effort.

To say he thought it was tomorrow is unbelievable.

You were talking about it this morning? But he thought it was tomorrow? ehem WHAT.

He does tend towards thoughtlessness

Can you give us some examples, OP?

I know he's lying about thinking it was tomorrow. If I say that though it'll turn into an argument and it seems like such a waste of energy over something so stupid. The thoughtlessness is just more of the same. No "good luck" for tests or exams. Not even a "how was your day" most of the time.

He is being bloody selfish. He will tell me endlessly about his day but give me the vaguest of interest about my day.

He wasn't always like this . Wouldn't have married him if he was.

Of course you wouldn't have OP.

Thing is, this is what he's like now and will probably continue to be.

YANBU.

He's a man, though, what can you expect?

I called DH this morning when I came out of my MW appointment and had the following conversation:

me: "hi, just calling to say that all's fine with the wriggler - he's still in there wriggling away".

him: "what? what are you talking about? what's a wriggler?".

me: "Um, our unborn child..."

I had reminded him for the umpteenth time about 2 hours before that I had the appointment. He's just a man. They can't help being stupid.

Most people are very good at remembering things that really matter to them.

Your DH was probably preoccupied BonaDea, I don't mean for a moment to suggest that he doesn't care about your baby but your sentiment, applied so generally, is patronising nonsense.

Why do some people expect so little from their partners

Oh no you didn't Bonadea !

He's a man, though, what can you expect?

What a load of shit. Men are absolutely no different to women when it comes to showing their spouses respect and consideration. Stop thinking they are - you are selling yourself short, and giving him leeway to do whatever the hell he likes and not give two fucks about how it might affect you.

He's just a man. They can't help being stupid.

Bollocks bollocks utter utter bollocks.

Being a man is not a fucking cop-out for being thoughtless and unable to say "sorry, I cocked up". It just isn't. There are some very thoughtful men out there - I'm sorry you don't seem to have one at the moment. But no-one should be cut any slack because they have testicles.

I have to say I don't agree.

Men and women prioritise very differently. Of course deep down I accept men love, care, worry the same as women do. But I really do think that men have much more of an ability to focus on self and on the task at hand than worrying about sqillions of things and other people at once the way many women do. He was distracted, focused on something at work and hadn't given me, the appointment or our baby-to-be a second thought all morning.

I think suggested there aren't fundamental differences is naive.

No...YOU said

He's a man, though, what can you expect?

and

He's just a man. They can't help being stupid

I do not think it is I who is naive.

And in fact - to elaborate - I used to kind of go along with the type of thinking you are now. God I was naive back then. And how low my expectations were!

"Men think diferently to women blah blah blah" that was me!

Glad I wised up.

Sorry, not sure I understand your point. You think I am naive to suggest there are differences between men and women and that the fact that men focus more on the task at hand than external issues such as their wife's MW appointment or presentation at uni is perhaps just an example of that difference?