To think that the question 'why are you a vegetarian' is exceptionally rude

[Partypartyrings]

I've had twenty-five years of it and I'm hacked off with it.

I don't give one flying shit what you eat, so why is what I eat so interesting?

Being a vegetarian is not something exotic, surely you've heard/met one before, don't bloody ask me, use your imagination.

And no, I don't fucking miss bacon, in fact it makes me heave.

And no, what I choose to eat is not some sort of judgement on what you eat so stop being so defensive about it.

Develop some manners- it is rude to question/comment on what somebody is eating.

Grr. There. Public service announcement over.

What do preachy vegetarians preach about?

It can't be animal rights/welfare otherwise they'd be vegan.

Do you think the people who ask vegetarians how they live without bacon also ask Jews or Muslims the same question? Or would that be concidered rude?

I don't think it would be considered any more or less rude shelby

Having said that, many Jews and Muslims do eat bacon but I don't know any vegetarians who do.

Oh dear. There is an essential truth in your statement - it is rude to comment on what people are eating while they are eating it, or to demand that they justify their choices while you're sharing a meal. The same goes for proselytising vegetarians, no-one is convinced to change either way by being harangued. But, you've blown your chances of a sympathetic reply by overstating your case.

Being quizzed can ruin a pleasant social activity and put one person on the spot, when they want to take part just like everyone else. Some omnivores do this in an aggressively defensive way because they see your choice as a judgement on them, so perceive that your presence and eating vegetarian food as an aggressive act. These people are twerps with no manners, nor the skills or imagination to consider other perspectives or engage with you pleasantly. No-one minds discussing something with a person who is genuinely interested. Most people who choose to quiz you on this subject are not, they are having a go at you. That is rude. Over many years this does happen repeatedly and does become wearing.

I found this happened a lot when I was late teens / early twenties, because many people haven't developed good social skills then, I mixed with many different people and everyone is seeking to discover and define themselves, so testing their understanding of the world against others all the time.

These days people i know are more grown up and have better manners, I have a more regular circle of acquaintances and most people are more comfortable with themselves. Perhaps you need to choose more grown-up friends, or devise some good lines, to deflect the attention, nicely.

My BIL is a veggie, which means that every time he's over, we have to cook him a special dinner as everyone else eats meat (particularly at Christmas etc when everyone else would be pissed off if they got a nut roast rather than a big chunk of meat). I totally don't mind doing that although it is a fair bit of extra effort, but I did mind when, the one time I asked him why he was a veggie, he bit my head off.

OMG I didn't realise that vegetarianism was taboo and we aren't supposed to talk about it! I'm afraid I have been 'extremely rude' by your definition with a number of my friends.

I am very interested in ethical farming and in the energy/economic cost of meat eating and in the environment and ecosystem.

Nobody I have ever asked about their reasons for vegetarianism has ever indicated that they find my question extremely rude, most are happy to engage in conversation, if they were cold or gave a one-word answer in return i'd change the topic.

Christ, yes. The "turning it into a debate" thing. It's done by both sides.

"So, why are you vegetarian?"
"I don't like the idea of eating animals. So how do you know Sam and Rachel?"
"BUT animals bla bla bla..."

"NO MEAT FOR ME PLEASE. I'M VEGETARIAN."
"Okay, then. So how do you know Sam and - "
"Did you know that every bite you take of that is a scream of pain?"

There are rude people in the world. Some of them are veggie, and some of them aren't. The rest of us are just trying to enjoy our dinners.

They are probably just making conversation.

I was a veggie for a good few years and can't really remember if people asked me why I was one. I wouldn't have thought it rude to ask, unless it was accompanied by eye rolling.

But Lottie does make an interesting point. I'm not veggie any more, but noticed the debate and attack attitudes on both sides much more in my teens and early 20s. I assumed it was changing attitudes in general, but now I think about it, it might also have been age-related.

I've been known to ask people when they became vegetarian and why because I'm actually interested.

Didn't realise it might offend. I never mind being asked about my gluten free diet or my dislike of peas

It's just people making polite conversation, Op.
TBH I would think no one really gives a shit if you're a Vegetarian or not, it's pretty common these days.
Actually you making such a big deal about it to the extent of starting a thread makes me think you think you want the attention.

I was veggie for about 10 years and never minded being asked why, in fact it could be helpful because my reason was hatred of eating flesh rather than moral so I never had an issue with gelatine etc and it helped people know what I was and wasn't comfortable eating.

Unless people ask I a snidely way it's just normal curiosity as there are many different reasons for being vegetarian.

I understand where you are coming from - it is very annoying. People aren't always polite with it either. Some people are, and I don't mind answering the question. However, I hate it when someone gets all incredulous and starts banging on about how people are carnivores and SHOULD eat meat. Or then go through every dining opportunity and ask me to list what I eat. E.G 'But what do you have for Christmas dinner?' 'what do you eat in a restaurant' 'But dont you ever just want to eat a big steak?'. I have never asked someone who is lactose intolerant if they ever fancy downing a whole pint of milk!!
I know a lot of people are telling you to get a grip or that you are over reacting - and yes it is a very small thing to rant about, but, being a veggie is one of those things that you have to justify to almost every new person you meet which is very tiresome. Not to mention the fact that everyone wants to give you their opinion on animals or then try and paint you as a tree hugger. Very trivial, but still, I get it and I agree it is annoying!

Oh yes, it is so depressingly repetitive for one, but the real problem is that mostly it is asked only to set you up for derision, or to try to loudy call you a judgy superior twat in front of others, never mind that you don't actually give a fuck what anyone else is eating, and very rarely asked just because people are trying to make conversation or curious. I don't think those who are not veggie understand how often this question is used in a nasty way.

When I was vegetarian a lot of people assumed I ate that way for animal rights reasons.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I hated people making that assumption because I think most animal rightists are obvious loons, I didn't want to be lumped in with them. Far better to ask rather than guess badly.

There are rude people in the world. Some of them are veggie, and some of them aren't. The rest of us are just trying to enjoy our dinners

^ You win Carpe! I think the OP is one of them personally...

OP YANBU as someone who has mostly (there has been some pregancy related lapses) been a Vegetarian or Vegan for the last decade this gets very boring. Most are just curious is a good natured way but others just want to 'debate' the issue which is rude IMO.
I just doesn't feel it's necessary to discus my dietary choices with anyone.

Even those who are friendly about it often can't believe someone would choose not to drink milk and ask many questions. It shouldn't be down to me to educate them but If I tell them to go an do some reading on the topic I'm the one that gets accused of being rude and defensive.

Thanks for all the YANBU responses.

The YABUs, fair enough, think what you think- but I think the bile displayed here towards vegetarians shows that often there is an aggressive, accusatory manner behind the questions.

FWIW, I've never displayed hostility towards somebody asking the question, because invariably it's asked by someone who doesn't know you well, and it would be rude to say 'because I am' or suchlike, so you have to give them a proper answer. You have to suppress the annoyance- hence my little outburst above.

This is annoying because they then judge you. Some vegetarians wear their vegetarianism as a badge of identity- but it isn't for me. It doesn't define me and I actually don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other. It feels like something is being exposed and pryed into against my will. Diet is so personal.

Maybe some people are more open than others, but I would never ask why someone is a certain religion, were their children planned, what kind of delivery did they have etc- because these questions are rude. Why is vegetarianism up for discussion?

I think my OP was way OTT- I actually asked for it to be deleted hours ago, so I'm surprised it's still here.

Again, I'm sorry for any offense caused. But I stand by my point- asking why is rude

Correction- I would never ask someone I didn't know reasonably well

I think most animal rightist are obvious loons

and some of us try so hard to be subtle about our lunacy....

So what are people allowed to talk to you about Op?
Maybe you should go out with a list of prohibited questions just so everybody knows.

I think YABU.

I asked my friend why he was vegan, what prompted his choice to be vegan rather than veggie. It was a follow on from another conversation. We talked about it and he ended up realising that he couldnt remember as he had been vegan for almost 40 years!

It was an interesting conversation for both of us, and no one took offence.

I rather think that you are looking to be offended. Has it never occurred to you that some people might be asking because they are interested, might be considering it themselves and want to find out more about it? Your attitude may actually put people off.

And if you are so sure that YANBU, why ask?

It's nice when people take an interest in your principles.