Moral dilemma

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

I met my best friends new baby of three weeks. She is adorable, but I have noticed some facial characteristics that lead me to believe she possibly has Downs Syndrome. I come from a medical background. My partner also met her and independently voiced his concerns of the same. He is also a medical background. I should mention my friend is not in the 'system' and chose not to have any scans or blood tests and had a home birth with an independant midwife. So do I tell my best friend our thoughts and risk our friendship? My main concern is an undiagnosed heart defect and if anything happened to the baby, I would hate myself for not saying anything. Or just tell her my worries and if she wants to follow it up then its up to her. It's really difficult. Any thoughts gratefully received.

Lady I read your post this morning and wondered how it had gone - I'm so glad it's worked out ok and your friend's baby is getting the right help too :)

Sorry you went through such emotional dilemmas OP, glad to hear that all is well with the baby.
How long had they known about the DS?

Oh I am so glad to hear that. Thanks for the update.

I'm so relieved to hear the baby has been diagnosed and will receive any appropriate care that is required.

Our neighbour had a DC of around a year old when we moved in. DH and I both just assumed they had DS due to some very prominent features suggestive of this. It was never mentioned so we respected their decision not to discuss and we all treated the child as any other. As they grew, it became apparent that they did not have DS at all. Both parents are professionals in childcare and were stunned when it turned out child had very rare genetic condition (ie. 1 in 2.5million). It was only discovered when DC was 8 years old and treated in hospital for a broken arm - hospital doctor made an assumption about genetic issues and lots of tests were undertaken.

I still can't believe that no health professional ever flagged this up - MW, HV, family friends, GP, teachers etc. I often wonder if parents were in deep denial. When a diagnosis was made out of the blue they were very very shocked but did tell people, I don't think there was any element of keeping it private etc. over the years. I was very relieved that the issues I saw from the outset are now getting the medical attention they require (hormone treatment in order to grow etc.).

OP, I'm glad your friend is aware and happy to talk to you. Hope the little one will be a strong and healthy baby. He is clearly loved.

The midwife spotted it at birth so they knew straight away. A blood test has confirmed it. The heart has been checked and there is no murmur but will be scanned next week. She is BF well too. I think they didn't want to introduce their lovely baby with a 'label' so to speak. I'm just happy they are dealing with it so well. They adore her. Xx

Lovely outcome :)

I nearly posted but held back because I wasn't clear of my thoughts and a recent event close to me was similar to this.

The parents concerned did not want 'professional' involvement. I respected their right to initially reject professional input. They were referred to social services which seemed heavy handed and increased their animosity and refusal to engage with recognised healthcare providers.

The child's health was seriously affected by this failure to engage.
It was very very sad that they felt such concern about western medicine that they irrationally rejected it. I say irrational, because it was in this case.

However I kind of suspected that 'your' parents knew and were entitled to manage it as naturally as possible.

You sound like a great friend OP, and I hope if I ever needed someone I'd have a friend like you!

So, the friend not quite as stupid/ignorant/selfish as anyone was thinking, then?

Nope Diddi, massive assumptions being made by me mainly! Happy outcome though :)