to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

I think being a sahm is difficult for some people because women are mostly expected to do it alone. And it can be too repetitive.

In many cases doing some work too could help stop the slide into depression.

Being an individual sahm, without much help, family or otherwise, is quite a modern thing.

And yes, square peg thing. It can be the same as being stuck in the wrong career / job.

I know I'm happiest when I have time with the dc but have some other things going on too, things that I find important and valuable. Outside family life.

Sorry puds but motherhood is not hard. Any more than fatherhood is hard. That is your illness talking.

It can be tricky, it can be testing, it can be bloody monotonous, it can be like a French bloody farce some days. But it is not, and should not be, somehting to endure.

ok
You live in a flat, 11 floors up
You have 3 kids, 1 of which is special needs
lifts have broken down again
You were not one of the brightest children at school
The dad to the children doesnt want to know anymore
You are financially struggling, partly because your maths isnt up to much.

Is that parent going to find parenting hard?

amillion I have been working from home for ten years now. For all intents and purposes I do what a SAHM would do.

I know that in those ten years, parenting my DC (I have twins) has not required every ounce of me.

I have parented them well, I think, they're certainly turning into happy, articulate, accomplished young people.

I have enjoyed them so much.

But I have had had plenty of space to do lots of other things. I have worked, I have volunteered. I have studied, I have enjoyed outside interests.

amillion it is the situation you are describing which is hard.

Anyhting would be hard in that situation.

The fact remains that all around the world, parents are just, you know, parenting, and they're doing it along side everyhting else in their life. This is what humans do and have done since our arrival on this big rock.

wordfactory
you have money, some do not have much
you have 2 kids, some others have more
you have a partner, some others do not
you have a high IQ, some others dont
you have energy, some others do not
you enjoy good health, some others do not

but you cannot divorce the situation. All parenting involves the situation that paretns find themselves in.
You have been fortunate, many many others are not so fortunate.
If everyone had what you had, then no, parenting in itself may not be hard.
But you are leaving out totally the situation, and other factors.

could also have added to that list
your children are not special needs
you and your chilrden speak fluent English.

Yes , if we all had 1 perfect child [and I use that term loosely] born into a perfect situation, with perfect everything else, then no it is not hard.

Well you can make a difficul set of circumstances for any task. It doesn't make the task hard per se.

You could say making a sandwich is hard if you don't have any bread. And you'd be right. But all things being equal, making a sandwich is not hard.

There are however some taks which I would say are objectively hard in any circumstance. Parneting aint one of them.

Word I can't believe you are saying what you're saying. Every parent has a different set of circumstances. So if you're a patent of a child who is disabled what are you? Not a parent? Is there a different word for it? You should count yourself very lucky that you don't find parenting hard.

Parent not patent. Fat bloody fingers.

I have already addressed the issue of having a DC with special needs.

That's just one example.

Do you know what word? It'd be so lovely to find it so easy.

Sorry puds but we shall have to agree to disagree.
I am quite simply unconvinced that parenting is hard in and of itself.

In certain situations life is simply hard.

I wish you well. I wish you better.

In the meantime I must leave as I have a twelve o'clock meeting with a student.

Just me who finds parenting hard then? All you have to do is take a browse around some of the forums on MN to find an army of other parents who agree it's not easy. What a foolish statement. It might be easy for you but foolish to brand it easy for everyone.

word is right, I am a SAHM of eight DC, all singletons born in quick succession, and I have suffered from PND (well, it could have been circumstantial because DD1 nearly died at birth and then I nearly died with DD2, so I was maybe just knackered. Anyhow I was never diagnosed perhaps only because I never sought help).

I nevertheless think SAHMs have a far easier life generally than WOHM. Of course those who have children with special needs or disabilities are in a different and very difficult situation, which I don't think I'd be up to myself. But generally yes, a far easier life.

Parenting exists in different circumstances.
It is not a stand alone thing, nor ever can be.
You cannot isolate from circumstances, parents etc.

So if your point is just that parenting in perfect circumstances [perfect 2 parents, perfect child,perfect life] is not difficult, then yes, we can agree on that.

Yellowtip, but I am guessing that you have the IQ, financial clout, a partner and and from that list above.
And my guess, is support, huge energy etc.
All helped.
Try making that list into minuses.

word - I think parenting is probably easy if you have bucket loads of self-confidence and are sure you are handling things in the right way. It is also easier if you have the financial and marital stability that gives you lots of choices.

People lacking in either or both of those things will find parenting hard of itself.

I just think some people find it easier to be a wohm. In the same way dh finds it life easier and more enjoyable to work. He'd hate not working and being a sahd.

So all things can be ideal and still the mother can choose to work because she finds it easier than being a sahm.

Yellowtip - snaps for you for finding it so easy with 8. I have one and one on the way and find it very hard. My DS is not disabled. We have enough money. But I still find it hard.

Oh and regardless of extenuating circumstances we must remember that as human beings each and everyone of us is different. Perhaps I'm more sensitive than you Yellow or Word? For example my toddler is currently running to DH every time he falls or needs reassurance. To some parents that's water of a duck's back - but to me it's upsetting. And I find it hard. We are all different.