to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

yes but attachment disorder can be result if qualitative poor parenting
not necessarily physical absence.it's not so crudely measured as hours/ minutes
it's really the emotional absence,the lack of rapport,parental emotional unavailability

Yes it is crudely measured in hours or minutes. When a baby is under a year old it will have no idea of time what so ever.

Parents can be emotionally absent while physically present with their children, that's for sure. But a lot of modern paid employment incurs long stints away from home - weeks on end of global travel etc. When both parents have that type of job, emotional presence is very difficult to achieve.

equally many nursery workers are adequate,many housewives have available time but no regard

A baby makes it's needs known in a variety of ways, only the most obv is crying. When the needs go unmet for any length of time with a very young baby, the damage has already started. As children get older their hunger can wait, their bladders can wait, their sleep can wait and they can wait while you do the tax return before you cook them tea or take them swimming. Very young children have to have consistency and need to know that their needs will be met and they have no sense of time.

I don't meet many SAHMs who are emotionally distant from their children. The amount of involvement varies, that's for sure, but the most emotionally distant are the parents who work all hours and travel a lot. They just don't have the time to parent, frankly.

MiniTheMinx haveing worked in day nursries my self this is TRUE day nusries are almost always packed full of girls on work experince or training

Almost always very young girls most people who are in childcare started out in day nursries the pay is very very poor also this is one of the ONLY sectors were the public sector pays more

One of The day nurserys i worked at charged 1k a month and used to give the children tesco value food although the parents no doubt were walking around thinking there kids were getting orgainc

In the baby room was mostly chatting about the weekend

very telling that many who work in child care do all they can to avoid putting there own children in them

its long hours you have to work christmas eve boxing day so the parents could do there shopping never again and i would rather work nights and suffer than put my chikdren in day care

Btw in general ithink childmiders are a lot better typicaly they are older and have there owan children and the children get a more home like experince

no.the qualitative and consistent aspect of parenting/nurturing is the key
it's cumulative in that if parent available then that builds a year in year foundation for good mental health.it's not a minutes/hour at all

Oh, I don't think that time spent parenting is immaterial. How can your child feel that his/her parents understand him/her if they only spend a few hours together on a Saturday and a Sunday?

well this is self fulfilling I would expect housewife to deride paid childcare.precious moments and all that
naturally I am comfortable with ft nursery and anecdotes don't alter that opinion
frankly this will go nowhere.I'm not going to have an ephipany and say yes oj and biddulph are sooooo right

Would you be happy not seeing your DC all week, Mon-Fri, all the time if your DP were also unable to see them Mon-Fri, all the time?

We used to have very sad sistuation were the children who just started talking would call US MUM because they were with us more than there parents often picked up by aupairs not even the parents very sad

Also i dont buy this thing i have no choice but to work i would love to spend time with my children frankley i think alot of women simply say this because they think its whats expected

If your only £5 better of as my sil found out are yu going to work because you WANT to or have to [hmmm]

Its measured in minutes with a baby, in minutes with younger children, hours with older children, sorry but this is so.

Thank you Fishwife1980, I knew I couldn't have been the only one to have noticed the culture within nurseries.

Part time parenting produced distant, stand offish, emotionally retarded middle class/upper class children in the 17,18,19 centuries. Part time parenting then was at least delegated to women with good education who usually did the work as a vocation. Now this is not the case. Only time will tell if millions of children have suffered from full time nursery care. It's a work in progress and the jury is out.

such a situation has never arisen,nor would it.we share parenting and are available

mini,no. repeatedly asserting something as fact doesn't render it fact
may be your strongly held pov
there is no empirical or longitudinal basis though

Miniminx i would say at any one time atleast 60% of the staff will be student studying various childcare qulifactions when i worked in one as a supervisor i was earing less than my sister who worked in top shop at the time

Btw i have no issue with women who would rather be at work but i think people should just be honest about it

Time does not make one a good parent.

DH was in a school and a little girl wrapped herself around his leg and asked if he could come home with her and be her daddy because her real daddy was horrible. The teacher's face showed that what she said was true. It nearly broke his heart.

I always thought I would go back to work full time - so did all my former colleagues.
I am glad that I did not.
But I am even more glad that I never stopped work completely.

C-Hri-st almighty

Why would I term myself by what I used to do rather than what I do now?

If it doesnt suit you, dont use it, fail to see why I cant though if it suits me.

Why should I be ashamed to be a mother? Or a stay at home one?

be ashamed of being negligent,or emotional/physical neglect
ashamed of being housewife?why
I'd never chose it,but it's a preference minority mums have not to work

Not talking about pt working here

Time cant make you a good parent but lack of it wont because plain and simply if yur child is up at 6 day care at 8 then picked up by a nanny at 6 and in bed at 8 which means you have spent approx 0 hours with yur child mon to friday or do what some parentd do keep there children up late so they can spend time with them

Personally i would dump a partner if he could only see me at the weekend that is not the basis for a stable relationship so why should it be a parent and child one

again what's your point?so you evidently chose partner you share values with?
I'd not be with partner who'd not support my career. we discussed all this early on
working was always part of my plan.housewifery was never part of plan

I dont have a issue with working mums myself just dont like when people dress it up

Just say i like working and dont really want to stay at home with my chikdren

I have no issue with saying looking after my chikdren is more important and have no real ambition for a career there i can be honest so why cant others

It seems incredible to me that in an enlightened era when it is known through various studies that children suffer emotional harm in full time institutional care, that we also hide the facts from ourselves about what is essentially "part time institutional care"

Children in care often go without having their needs met over a significant length of time be in minutes/days/months, children in nursery also have to compete for attention, some display negative behaviour to get attention etc.

I think childcare should be free, should never be provided for profit but......should only be up to a maximum number of hrs and from age 2-5, now that Scottish is just an opinion! So shoot me

Minitheminx
I think childcare should be free
who will provide the funds to pay for the staff and premises?
another 3% on income tax?

There are some increasingly patronising and condescending views here, which I'm no going to rise too. I don't understand why some feel the need to rip apart the choices of others and suggest they're bad parents to feel better about their own.

I am confident in my choice. But then I'm the successful and happy grown up child of a successful and happy working single mum.

It must really baffle you when those kids of working mums do as well or better than those of sahm and are not emotionally damaged forming functional relationships. But then that shows limited views and understanding of how there isn't just one right answer to anything. Feeling loved and secure is achievable whether your parents worked or not.

Also interesting how much of that 'quality time' supposely dedicated to your kids some of you spend on here. At least I get paid to play about on the computer so my baby will get some benefit....