to refuse to cancel our plans because MiL has deigned to visit?

[freddiefrog]

Coming up to 10 years ago we moved 300 miles away

MiL was awful at the time we moved, she didn't approve of us moving and was a nightmare about it.

Over the years we've been back quite often to visit friends and family and we've had a lot visit us here, but MiL has never darkened our door.

Last month FiL and step MiL came down for a holiday and now MiL has decided she's got to come

Now, over the next few weekends we're really busy, and don't have a completely free weekend before Christmas, kids have loads of activities planned, we're foster carers and have loads of activities planned with our LA, we've booked a day on a steam train to see Santa, DD1 has winter camp with her Scout group, etc

So we explained that if she came before Christmas we'd have to muddle through a bit, or she could come down for New Year, or pretty much any time after.

But no, it absolutely has to be before Christmas and she's throwing a strop because we won't cancel plans to accommodate her.

Well done... please come back and post her response!

Be careful then freddie. She sounds (by her actions) outraged at your 'defiance'. I wouldn't put it past her to just turn up when she's not expected - eg warn the Friday night babysitter etc.

PS - you'll likely get some more perspective on this when you contact BIL etc this evening. She's lost touch with reality I think.

Sorry, missed posts again

I'll ring round the rest later, they probably don't know we're busy. The other 3 have been before and are quite happy to amuse themselves so hopefully may keep her occupied if they do end up coming

Will give the babysitter a heads up for the Friday, she can come round to our house and see the kids, she can take our 2 out, just not our FC (I wouldn't want to exclude our FC anyway) but she can't look after them all on her own - she has to be checked and she refused when we asked her so there's not much I can do about it. A group of us have got tickets to watch another friend in a play and it's all been organised at great complication with the babysitter so I don't want to cancel

No response from her yet

Personally I would have offered to cancel the night out with friends, but none of the kids activities. Do you ALL go to the scouts disco?

Sunday Lunch sounds fine.

Omg what a nut!

Def stan your ground!

Oh, sorry, cross posts - didn't realise it was a play. That's different.

I hope you'll let us know what she's told them?

(Personally, I'm voting for the 'Poor freddiefrog is struggling with everything and needs all of our help' line. But nothing would really surprise me in this instance.)

have not read the whole thread, but would stay stand your ground - she can't have the world revolve around her.

Id send her a list of everything you have booked in and write "you are welcome to join us on this" next to everything she could tag along to.
Then include a note saying "this is what we have booked, so feel free to pick a date you like, depending on what you want to do, or, if youd rather visit when we have a weekend totally free, any tume in January would suit"

Leave it in her court!

Blu, it's a family disco, parents have to stay. It's usually a really good night, we've already bought the tickets and the kids are looking forward to it. They're welcome to come, but i think she'll hate it and moan. We could not go, but I'm a bit 'why should we?' about it if you see what I mean.

Also the play, we could probably get tickets for another night, it's not really a sell out, but after all the hassle of getting a baby sitter I feel a bit of a tool messing her around with another night.

Goldplated, I already told her what we had on and when, she's picked the busiest weekend of the lot (what a coincidence

Roll on Saturday when DH is back and he can deal with her before I strangle her

You would be crazy to change your plans in any way to accommodate her.

She has chosen to come knowing you are busy.

She needs to learn that your family's prior commitments don't get dropped because she decides to stay nearby for the weekend.

Freddie, I know you're making jokes about strangling her , but you are dealing with this brilliantly.

Sounds like you go to great lengths for the children in your life and I'm sure they appreciate it. Good for you for sticking to your plans.

What a nut!!!!

Hmmm... why doesn't bold and italics work together?

Don't change your plans. She is doing this to bully you.

You're right to let your other relatives know that you won't be available - your MiL has set this up to try to force your hand and make you give in to her whims. FFS, she's making ME cross !

Wonder hoe PA her response will be? :o

FFS *how

Good God! Manipulative - is a word I would use to describe your MIL.

Nut job at best but just rude. Who in their right mind would want to impose themselves on anyone knowing it was inconvenient???

Dont change your plans at all. I would be keen to get intouch with the other people she is coming with because I expect she has sold them a very different vesion on events and I would not want my name dragged through the dirt.

Good luck with this one and please keep us updated as to how things pan out.

She is being defiant in the face of your defiance. The difference is your "defiance" (in her eyes) is justified. I wouldn't see her at all that weekend well probably Sunday lunch in reality

By the way, freddiefrog. You might find it useful to print this thread off to have it to hand if needed.

Warm babysitter about dig as well!

Would love to hear what bolleaux she's fed your in-laws!

Hi freddiefrog How are things progressing with this. Has MIL been back intouch with you? Have you had a chance to talk to your DH or the other relatives yet?

Hi,

MiL hasn't responsed to my text yet. I've spoken to DH about it, but he's in the arse end of nowhere at the moment so can't do anything. He'll deal with iTunes when he gets back.

I've spoken to SiL and BiL, neither knew we were busy and MiL were steam rollering us, they're happy to come and see us whenever (they've always enjoyed exploring and amusing themselves down here so are fine with it) and keep her occupied, so as its all booked and paid for I think they're still coming

Ooh, that iTunes is a bit random.

Should have said DH will deal with it