to refuse to cancel our plans because MiL has deigned to visit?

[freddiefrog]

Coming up to 10 years ago we moved 300 miles away

MiL was awful at the time we moved, she didn't approve of us moving and was a nightmare about it.

Over the years we've been back quite often to visit friends and family and we've had a lot visit us here, but MiL has never darkened our door.

Last month FiL and step MiL came down for a holiday and now MiL has decided she's got to come

Now, over the next few weekends we're really busy, and don't have a completely free weekend before Christmas, kids have loads of activities planned, we're foster carers and have loads of activities planned with our LA, we've booked a day on a steam train to see Santa, DD1 has winter camp with her Scout group, etc

So we explained that if she came before Christmas we'd have to muddle through a bit, or she could come down for New Year, or pretty much any time after.

But no, it absolutely has to be before Christmas and she's throwing a strop because we won't cancel plans to accommodate her.

She sounds awful.

Get DH to ring her and arrange a weekend after Christmas. Why isn't he dealing with this?

I would just let your husband sort it out once he's back. His mum his responsibility. My partner and I really have nothing to do with each other's parents beyond being polite and friendly when they are around and it never causes either of us any stress.

How irritating, is there no way of just refusing and saying its inconvenient until after christmas?

My immediate reaction is that you're a foster carer, which makes you one of the most awesome people on the planet. The job you do for those children takes precedence over every needy adult out there. Screw her.

Would it work to stress that it is very short notice, i.e. you couldn't be arsed for 10 years and now it has to be within the next 2 months? and that you do not have a free weekend at all. Could you ask her why the rush now as she hasn't been before?

I wouldn't get into the details of each weekend, she will just start to pick it apart and find reasons why she could go / you don't have to go etc.

What BlueberryHill said.

Thanks!

I've spoken to her now.

Apparently she needs to know now as she needs to book a kennel as I won't let her bring her dog with her (no, because is a viscous snappy dog who bit my DD1's nose last time we were there and I don't trust it to behave, or her to control it) so told her not before Christmas, I'm now evil DiL, but it's water off a duck's back.

She's going to speak to DH about my obstructiveness. He's uncontactable so she can fill her boots

I may have got a bit cross and told her that having not bothered to get her arse down here for 10 years, she can fuck off if she thinks she can start making demands now. Ooops

Good for you OP

The worst thing is to give in to her. If you do on this occasion it will be seen as a green light to her to make this the norm. I know its hard cos her son is stuck in the middle. Be firm, just say you would really love her to stay but unfortunately you have so much to do it would not be fair on her as the family would not be able to devote their time to her. However, the family is looking forward to welcoming her in the New Year.

Oh well done, freddiefrog. I guess it won't take you too long to get over being an evil DiL ?

Have a glass of wine tonight and enjoy the phone not ringing!

I wish I had your balls OP - well done you!

Well done freddiefrog!
Your last post really made me chuckle - fill her boots indeed!

Oh good for you. You should prime DH about what to expect though - so he doesn't walk unprepared into a battlefield .....

You are not evil. You are putting your family first, and the important role you play as a FC. You are right to do what you've done.

Excellent - well done you!

I do so hope you actually said it.

As another evil DiL I salute you

Did you actually tell her to fuck off?

you really have to stick to your guns on this.

Hurray for evil DILs !!! Well done OP!!!

I really want to know if you actually said it, too :o

On, god no, I'm not that brave, along those lines but politer and without the swear words

'with all due respect, you haven't bothered to visit us in 10 years, so it's not on to start with these demands now'

DH will ring tonight so I'll warn him

Ouchie, the PA "due respect"

Certainly good enough

What do you think DH will say?

Lol, I was quite proud of myself for sneaking that in

She's had 10 years and has now decided to visit because her ex has

Good luck!