to refuse to cancel our plans because MiL has deigned to visit?

[freddiefrog]

Coming up to 10 years ago we moved 300 miles away

MiL was awful at the time we moved, she didn't approve of us moving and was a nightmare about it.

Over the years we've been back quite often to visit friends and family and we've had a lot visit us here, but MiL has never darkened our door.

Last month FiL and step MiL came down for a holiday and now MiL has decided she's got to come

Now, over the next few weekends we're really busy, and don't have a completely free weekend before Christmas, kids have loads of activities planned, we're foster carers and have loads of activities planned with our LA, we've booked a day on a steam train to see Santa, DD1 has winter camp with her Scout group, etc

So we explained that if she came before Christmas we'd have to muddle through a bit, or she could come down for New Year, or pretty much any time after.

But no, it absolutely has to be before Christmas and she's throwing a strop because we won't cancel plans to accommodate her.

Enjoy your well deserved glass of wine.

Another one loving the 'with all the due respect'

It may take her 10 years to get over that one.

Very well done OP!

Oh FFS!!!

This woman is so frustrating

Just got a text.

'all booked for 7th December. SiL & partner and BiL also coming so booked a cottage'

What part of WE ARE BUSY is she struggling with?

Would it be rude to text back 'hope you enjoy your weekend, see you at mum's on Christmas day'?

Honestly. It's like dealing with a very determined toddler

More like "As mentioned, we are doing XYZ that weekend so will only be around on Sat afternoon (say). Looking forward to a proper catch up at Christmas". Completely bland and unemotional.

This sounds ridiculous. Do your BIL etc know that you've told her your busy?

Send the text.

That is crazy! On the up side though, you don't need to have her staying in your house (no beds to change etc.), and she'll be able to hang out with BIL / SIL when you are busy. I think Cru's text is good.

Another vote for sending the text. Gwan, gwan, do it!

Fecking hell - she's really dense isn't she.

Send the text.

I'd be gobsmacked. She really is a 'Last Worder' isn't she?

I'd also be interested to know whether BIL etc known the real score. I'd lay significant money that they've been told only 'a' version of the facts. Might be a good idea to copy them into the text?

Send the text. She is trying to force you to cancel your plans, make it clear you won't.

I use the 'due respect' a lot!!

Well done!! Stick to yout guns. Do warn SIL and BIL about what is going on though.

oh yes, then send a text to BIL and SIL saying "Hi, hear you're going to be in our area weekend of 7th December, such a pity that's the only weekend you could do as I told your mum that we won't be around that weekend, hopefully next time you can do a date we are around."

Does she have to come on a weekend, is there any way that they could come mmid-week and so see the children everyday after schooll, or how about the weekend you have a govenors thing on, could she not babysit? YANBU to not change your plans though.

Yes - that would be even better, Dontmind. It will probably stimulate a conversation with them to find out what's going on.

Think I missed a few pages! Stupid woman

Send the text. She's delusional. Inner she's bringing the dog too if she has a cottage. Ignore ignore ignore!

Freddie well done for sticking to your guns, I also think you should reply.

Can't believe she cannot understand that you are busy, good luck she sounds like a right handful.

Unfortunately, Spectral, I suspect she's the type that if you try to just ignore, you'll find her on your doorstep (with dog) at breakfast one morning.

what do you have booked for that weekend? If you can't cancel then you can't cancel. I suggest ignoring it and letting DH have a word.

I'll ring BiL, etc tonight and see what they've been told. Last I heard, it was just MiL and step-FiL staying at our house, I didn't even know the others were thinking of coming.

A Last Worder is a fab name for her. This is what she wants to do so she'll do it anyway.

I've texted back.

'what a shame, would have loved to spend some time with you guys but as you already knew we're really busy that weekend, will have to meet up for lunch or something on the Sunday. Look forward to a proper catch up at mum's over Christmas'

plus she's invited her other kids? Can you email them all 'as discussed we'll be doing X Y Z so not a good time, you will probably end up spending most of your time in the cottage entertaining eachother' maybe that will put the frightners up her other children.

Freddie- forgive me for suggesting this but .... might this be a good weekend to combine the DC's trips with a little family holiday in the near vicinity to the trip venue(s) ? (So that the house is closed up and you're really not to be found?)

Good for you, I wonder what her response will be

Sorry, crossed posts

That weekend we have a night out with friends on the Friday night - she can't baby sit as we have to use a pre-checked out baby sitter (another foster carer in our area is babysitting for us), Saturday day we have an activity day with our Local Authority for our foster and birth kids (she can't come on that) Saturday night is the kids scout group's Christmas disco, which she could come to but would complain about it and try and guilt the kids into not going

We're a good few hours away so they'll probably leave Sunday afternoon

They won't come midweek as step-FiL is at work

Yes, the cottage means the dogs coming, but at least she's not in my house in my hair.