to expect my step daughter to have to contribute to household.

[ichangedmymindagain]

My sd finished UNI and is now living back at home , she has a part time job and usually works around 22 hrs . I have suggested that she starts to contribute towards the family household bills , ie small amount for food or small amount for her board . Her dad thinks she should and we said we would talk about it . When chatting to her yesterday , she said none of her friends paid anything and she wasnt sure if she wanted too . Do adults living back at home really not contribute any more , am i unreasonable to think she should . We are not asking for loads ...

This girl has finished university and is now working though.
I would be asking a working adult for a contribution. If she isn't happy she can look at the costs of renting a flat.
I'll happily support students but once you have finished college you start to contribute and realising how much things cost is part of being an adult. I moved out as soon as I finished college, my sibs who lived with my parents for a while both contributed as well as helping round the house.
My sister had a sulk and lived in a bedsit for a while but soon moved back deciding my parents weren't being unreasonable in just wanting a small contribution and help doing household jobs including cooking.

How much is the rate though? A percentage of income? How much they cost to feed?

Well she has to move out at some point.

It's called "growing up".

I think your DH needs to let her go, you dont do them any favours keeping them in a state of perpetual childhood.

I never got charged by my parents, but I officially left home immediately after university and hadn't lived there much for four years before that.

They didn't need the money, and they preferred that I didn't need to work while I was studying (nice in theory, but I still had to, to make ends meet, as their high income barred me from the means-tested loans and grants).

DH and I got married straight out of university and lived with the inlaws for a few months while we found somewhere to live. They didn't charge us - again, we needed the money more than they did - but we did do the odd grocery shop, housework, etc.

Whether she needs to pay depends IMHO on what she is spending her money on, and where you/she want her to be in 1/5/10 years' time. If she is saving up to set up her own home, don't take her money, but if she is using youq as cheap hotel then get dearer!

When I was living at home at 20 having dropped out of Uni. I didn't pay 'board'. But I did majority of cooking, cleaning and caring for my Mum who was ill. Plus I was always picking up food and bits so probably in reality paid my way too.

At 22 I was living with dh and had a mortgage.
YANBU

My DS has had to pay his way as otherwise it would only be my income. He does so happily too. He has a comfortable life with bills paid, it's warm, Sky tv etc.

I could not do it anyway, but I am not sure it is teaching anything to save the money up for them for the future. They either cost something to keep or they don't surely?

If she has finished education then she should contribute towards shopping. Mortgage and bills would be the same surely?

When the time comes, DS wont be expected to pay until he leaves education as this is his home. When working after, i would do what others do and save the board towards his first home.

How long have you been her stepmother? Does she think the idea has originated from you?

Annie it would be a sad and depressing thread :o

When DS2 started work, we worked out how much it would cost for a room as a lodger in the area that we live, cut it by 1/3 and he pays the 2/3 as cash.

He is an apprentice butcher, so the rest he brings home as meat which he gets at a big discount. So, he is contributing but not paying over the odds.

not sure she wants to? ok. tell her to pay up or move out.

Jeez!! She's on more hours than me per wk! (All I can find for now and beats signing on.) I have around £40 a mth after all my outgoings of rent, shopping and bills. I'm 41 and have been contributing to whatever household I'm in since I was 14 yrs old.
Grow up, pay up or jog on, girlie!!

If she 'doesn't want to pay rent' then maybe she would be more open to making her 22 hours a week up to 40 hours by doing 18 hours worth of housework instead. She should certainly be able to Hoover, mop, clean kitchen and bathrooms and cook most nights with that amount of time. I'll be willing to bet her hand will be in her pocket pretty quickly if you suggest that.

Yadnbu to ask for rent. I moved back in with my parents with my DH in tow for 6 months a few years ago. My mum and dad wouldn't take rent so we bought them wine, bought food and cooked tea etc because we wanted to show how grateful we were. She should appreciate you and her dad- what a cheek to argue against paying rent.

ithink i quite agree, what i was meaning was IF they qualified for cb because they are in education.

if they drop out of education to be a grown up and live in the real world then fair play you treat them like one. that means they fund there own life