to expect my step daughter to have to contribute to household.

[ichangedmymindagain]

My sd finished UNI and is now living back at home , she has a part time job and usually works around 22 hrs . I have suggested that she starts to contribute towards the family household bills , ie small amount for food or small amount for her board . Her dad thinks she should and we said we would talk about it . When chatting to her yesterday , she said none of her friends paid anything and she wasnt sure if she wanted too . Do adults living back at home really not contribute any more , am i unreasonable to think she should . We are not asking for loads ...

a little story.

When I was 21 I had left university and was living in a shared house with friends paying rent, bills etc. I couldnt get a proper job was doing temping work. A girl I was working with was in a similar situation except she lived with her parents. She was always going to parties, buying new clothes and jewelry etc. etc. One day she asked me to go out to a night club wiht her and I was blunt and said I'd love to but really couldn't afford it at the moment She told me to go back and live with my parents so I could live a better life. I've never forgotten how arrogant she was.

Our paths crossed 6 months ago. I now have 2 children, a house we own a lovely dp and a good job. She is still living at home with mum and dad, no relationship, no children, still going out all the time. She says her mum has asked her to leave home a few times or pay some rent but she "doesn't really want to"

We are both 37. Don't turn into that poor mother

Don't turn into that poor mother

poor mother my a*se, the mother let her get away with it and has done her daughter no favours either

I also was charged rent by my parents from the age of 14. 50% of everything. They relied on my income, even the measley 12 pounds they received from me per week at the age of 14.

So, I have mixed feelings. I'd rather not take money off DD when she's older, but I do want her to learn some responsibility. I do wonder if there is another way.

No need for any discussion.
Tell the cheeky cow how much you expect each week if she wants to stay.
Or leave.

Just so I understand:

If you pay board you'll have a wonderful life.

If you don't pay board you'll end up unloved and living at home with no children.

Flippin' hell that is serious.

Of course she should be contributing. My mum always asked for 10% of our take h

Of course she should be contributing. My mum always asked for 10% of our take home pay when we were in f/t education (part time holiday jobs etc) then 20% when we worked full time.

At 22 I had my own mortgage and bills to pay - so of course she should pay towards her keep.

Yanbu. I started work at 17 and started paying rent straight away, it wasnt a lot but my parents wanted me to know the value of money and realise that you dont live for free.

If my SD lives with us when she is an adult she will be paying rent and contributing to bills. It will depend on what she earns and we will work out some for rent and some for bills. The chances are the 'rent' money will be put away for her towards a deposit for a house. If she lives with us when she is at uni then we wont charge rent, but she will have to get a part time job for spending money for non essentials. I have no intention of keeping her if she doesnt help herself. If she works hard and saves hard then we will probably try and give her a substantial amount (if we have the money) when she wants to buy a house. If she works hard but spends all her money on crap then we wont. (we wont expect her to save everything but to have a sensible balance) She will have to understand that she will need to make sacrifices like we have all had to do if she wants things.

Well, I'm a bit of soft touch. But even my DD (who is only 16, full time at sixth-form colllge, and working in a crappy fast food joint at weekends) buys some of her own food.

I didn't have to pay a contribution until I left full-time education, but after that it was a percentage of whatever I earned. Having said that, I was buying my own clothing (not uniform) and luxury stuff from when I started earning at 14 - mainly because then it was my choice what to get! I'd buy stuff off my Mum's catalogue and just pay her every week.

My parents took 25% of my wages from when I got my first Saturday job at age 13 (£5 per week) - my Dad saved the money up and it paid the deposit when I bought my first home at the age of 21. I never resented them for taking it and was grateful to have the money when I needed it - otherwise it would have been frittered away on nothing!

I'm not going to charge my children any board until they've left FTE.

I don't expect them to get part-time jobs either.

Any board they pay will go into their savings plans or ISAs that were taken out when they were born.

YANBU!

In our house it was if you're old enough to work you're old enough to pay board.

And once you hit 14 you didn't get a choice about getting a job, if you didn't go and find one (this was when there was plenty of p/t jobs in our area)you worked in the family company, where your board money was taken at source.

IRC it was 20%.

love the 'she wasnt sure if she wanted too' might use that one on my boss. . .

My brother still lives with my parents and pays them 25% of his net pay (and gives them part of bonuses etc). He is 50.
My parents (in their 80's) now rely on this as part of their income.

I also paid 25% of ny net pay when I lived there and worked full time. They thought this was sufficient for us to be able to save money towards buying a home but still teach us that food in not free!

They did not ask for any of our part time job money or any of the money I earned in hols during uni as I used that money to supplement my grant so that I did not have to ask for any support.

Op's SD has left uni so presumably is in her early 20's - at what point would you insist that she starts paying - 25, 30, 38.5?

If my steps lived with us I would ask them to contribute along similar lines.

Perhaps show her some of the comments on here and see what she says?

When I was 17 I was earning £30 in a yts job working 9-5 mon-fri and £10 in a sat job. I gave my mam £15 of that and had to buy own lunches. mYour sd doesnt know how easy she has it.

Daddelion - that's fair, but as soon as they've finished education, they have to pay their way.

At 14 I was given my child benefit. I had to clothe myself, pay for my social life and if I wanted school dinners, pay for it or make a sandwich myself.
As I got older and needed more, I had to earn it.
My parents were well off but we were not spoilt.

I am a whizz at budgeting and making pack lunches.

DSS 18 pays £120 a month, split between
us and his mum. We are saving our half in a seperate account for a deposit for a flat when he decides to take the plunge. He doesnt know this.

Definitely not being unreasonable. When I was working at 18 (albeit full time) I gave my mum £300 a month. £150 was "board and keep" the other £150 she put aside for me to encourage savings.
It was just over a third of what I took home each month and still left me more than enough to spend on clothes and going out sensible things

She's finished education and earning money she needs to contribute financially and otherwise to the home, or find somewhere else that meets her unreasonable needs. All part of the painful process growing up and taking responsibility for yourself.

DH has a client who at the age of 30 with a 2yr old DD has moved back in with her parents, having moved out for 6 months to "punish" them for refusing to mind her DD full time.

She says she has reluctantly moved back because its just easier, but there's no way she's paying for anything because "they need to realise they are lucky to have her and GD there all the time".

DH knows her parents. Her father is ill with leukaemia and her mother works part time in a job she loves with the National Trust.

This entitled approach to everything -" doesn't know if she wants to" contribute is nauseating.

Does this come as a shock to kids then? Maybe one should get them used to self sufficiency a stage at a time. For example, mine are younger than this but I sort of assumed that after a while I would make them a clothes allowance rather than buy their clothes. It's good to learn that buying those expensive shoes means you can't go out on a Friday. I assumed that the clothes allowance thing would start long before they were working. Similarly, I don't intend to do laundry for other adults all my life. And my brother's family have a cooking rota for all the adults in the household. Happened before they started working.

When I was living at home, I didn't pay towards board or food. I had jobs in Uni holidays and I wasn't expected to contribute a penny as it was expected that I would save my salary towards the living costs for next year.

I didn't do laundry or cooking, though I did help out with cleaning.

I'm not still living at home! Have good job, 2 children, own house (well, bank's house that I pay the mortgage on!) etc.

I won't be asking my sons to contribute either, but I will ask them to put aside a portion of any earnings they have towards a deposit for their own place. I'd rather teach them how to save than take their money.

I wouldn't expect a student to pay anything. They are still dependent. But there seems something wrong about a working adult not making some contribution. It must just create a sense that all the money you earn is yours and that the practical details of life are free.