to expect my step daughter to have to contribute to household.

[ichangedmymindagain]

My sd finished UNI and is now living back at home , she has a part time job and usually works around 22 hrs . I have suggested that she starts to contribute towards the family household bills , ie small amount for food or small amount for her board . Her dad thinks she should and we said we would talk about it . When chatting to her yesterday , she said none of her friends paid anything and she wasnt sure if she wanted too . Do adults living back at home really not contribute any more , am i unreasonable to think she should . We are not asking for loads ...

She seriously needs to grow up. I moved out of my parents' at 20; by 22 I was paying my own rent and bills.

I appreciate that a lot of people are not in a position to move out at this age, but really, she is not a child, and she shouldn't be subsidised by you so she can spend all her wages on having fun.

YANBU!

How cheeky! Your DH needs to deal with things better.

LC , my daughter of the same age left home and is now living and working in London , my youngest has a disibilty , so will never work . i have always treated them the same .

She can pay a small amount to you, or move out and discover how good a deal she has at home. I would say 1/3 of what she earns.

I contributed to the household bills when I was at Uni because I stayed at home. DM took 50% of my grant! She also took 50% of my unemployment benefit before I got my first job. I don't understand why adults think they can get away without paying into the household. If you are out of school then you need to put something towards what it costs to house you!

I have heard a good way to work out a fair contribution.

Work out what percentage of your income goes on necessities, including mortgage or rent, all bills, running a car or other transport, food etc.

What percentage of your income is left over for treats/luxuries?

Your DSD should have the same percentages as 'living expenses' and 'left over for luxuries' as the rest of the household.

Also psml at 'not sure if she wanted to'.

My brother lived at home until he was 34, had a great job, but still told my Mum that he wouldn't pay rent because he 'didn't ask to be born' and she 'chose to have him so why should he have to pay for her choices'. I left home at 16 and haven't looked back since.

When my DSS was living with us he contributed a token amount, and when my kids are old enough I will expect them to contribute too.

I would look for around 10-20% of her wage depending on her other bills and how much she does around the house.

Is she saving her money? You would like to think she is saving up to move out. In which case you don't want to take too much! On the other hand, if she's just spending it on entertainment, I think I would take another 20% and put it away for her.

Why doesn't her dad want her to move out? She's 22 not 16.

at 22 she should be making contributions regardless of income.

a small % of income and practicle stuff like cleaning sharing chores ect.

as an adult you dont get to decide that you dont want to unless you fancy living in a cardboard box

Too bloody right. At 22 I was living with my grandfather providing round the clock care for him (vascular dementia) when I wasn't at work, and I still had to buy all my own food etc in lieu of 'keep'.

yanbu - I paid a token £25 per week at that age (as I was saving for a deposit). It helped me learn to budget and to realise that bills have to be paid!

YANBU. She should be contributing something.

I gave my mum £10 a week when I first started work, upped to £200 a month just before I left home. I also pulled my weight with housework.

My response to
"I'm not sure I want to", would be "Okay, that's fine. Where are you planning to live? Let us know when you find somewhere you can live for free- we'll come too!"

LOL 'not sure she wants too'

even if she wasn't working I would say I Expect help with household chores then.

A work colleague takes nothing at all from her 19 year old son, or 24 year old daughter. They both do some work. My Colleague has bought them cars, buys them food, lends them money, she personally feels you don't take money off of your children you don't have them for them to give you money at some point.

Children are for life not just until they are 18.

I do concur that your daughter should not contribute when working part time, when in full time employment maybe a token £25 per week but certainly no more.

YANBU in any way.

I'm in the 1/3 contribution camp, but then my parents were very much of the three way split between board/savings/spending money. That meant I was saving up to get my own place whilst living at home and paying board. I will be going for that approach with our kids when they're older too.

It's a good lesson to learn to save as well as paying your own way. If she's a bit flaky about saving you could suggest that she sets it up as a regular payment and you keep the savings book for her though.

If she's saving up to move out asap, I'd probably say she doesn't need to contribute. If this is her home for the foreseeable, she definitely needs to contribute money and effort to running it.

OMG at the parent who took £60 out of £220 thats fucking robbery.

My son earnt £300 a month at a part time job, I took nothing, why would I he was saving for Uni.

Why this percentage lark, you would still pay the same mortgage and bills if they were not there, they should contribute to food only, not the bloody mortgage if you want someone to contribute to that rent a room to a random.

Hahaha. Ha. She isn't sure she wants to contribute? God that's funny.

YANBU, she stays, she pays. You say you're not planning to ask for a lot, just a contribution which I think is fair. I'm only a few years older than her (26- but with 2 kids) and I was paying something to my mum each week from the month of my 16th birthday.

Uni has finished. It's time to be a grown up. And grown ups do have to, shock horror, pay their own way in life.

I think it's a nonsense to say that they should only pay a token rent while living at home unless you want them to remain tied to your apron strings forever. They need to learn the value of money and get some kind of feel for what real life costs. Nowhere else would you able to live for £25, unless they are saving seriously by themselves then I think they need to taught how to budget. What are they spending their money on? Even assuming that your DSD is earning the minimum wage she will be bringing home over £500 a month. That's a lot to just fritter away every month.

I'd make her pay a small contribution to simply cover what she is costing you gas, electric and water usage and food.
It does depend on how much she earns though, if she earns say £500 pm I don't think it would be unreasonable to request say £50 from her, its not much but she should contribute a small amount.

What does she need to buy for herself?

If she crap with saving, I´d be tempted to take 2/3rds & save for her!

Oh heavens - she's in for a shock isn't she Regardless of how much or little she is earning she needs to make a contribution to the household and in my view that should be a financial contribution of around 25% of her earnings AND a contribution to the workload - cooking, cleaning etc.