to expect my step daughter to have to contribute to household.

[ichangedmymindagain]

My sd finished UNI and is now living back at home , she has a part time job and usually works around 22 hrs . I have suggested that she starts to contribute towards the family household bills , ie small amount for food or small amount for her board . Her dad thinks she should and we said we would talk about it . When chatting to her yesterday , she said none of her friends paid anything and she wasnt sure if she wanted too . Do adults living back at home really not contribute any more , am i unreasonable to think she should . We are not asking for loads ...

Don't give up on trying to talk to her just because she doesn't think she wants to contribute. She is 22 and finished her University education ... now its time to get real. If I were you I would find out the cost of the rent, council tax and bills she would be paying for a room in a shared house, and add on the cost of food (£40 pw minimum?). Where I live in London it would be about £750 pcm. Then offer to charge her half of that.

I have kids coming up this age and employment seems to be a quagmire for them, so not looking forward to them coming back! In my day, you could get a graduate job with a good degree, and have enough money in a year or two to buy a little house!

She needs to be contributing for her own self esteem, if nothing else. She should definitely be doing her own laundry and household work and doing something else for the household, such as cooking a decent meal for the family, or cleaning the bathroom once a week, or value added babysitting. Knowing you can look after yourself and be responsible is good for self confidence and personal development (which is good for getting better jobs and leaving home!)

I did that for a short while, but was using my unemployment benefit for driving lessons and visiting my boyfriend (which got me out from under their feet) (and paid to have the cat castrated ). If she has expenses that are helping her further her future, I would allow that, but if not her father could take a small sum in rent and put it by.

I am all for this rent and putting it by business. It would be useful for her if she opted for further studies, and also if she left home, as it would reduce the chance of return!

If her father can see that it would benefit her and her future, rather than just be a way to prevent irritation amongst others, he may have the enthusiasm to carry it through on his own, which would be good.

teabag.

how do you think a adult is going to learn about inderpendant living costs?
budgeting?
responsability?
not using people?
not having an entitled attitude?

at what point do they need to learn to stand on there own two feet?

inderpentant living skills are very much the foundation skills that a parent needs to teach every child to make sure they become productive adults able to benefit from the experances the parent did. like growing up having a life and perhaps kids ect.

Hahahaha, at her age I had two kids and my own (albeit rented) house to worry about. Deciding I "wasn't sure I wanted to" pay bills wasn't an option.

The sooner she can get to grips with understanding how a household's finances work, the better off she will be in the long run. You will be doing her a massive favour by teaching her this now. Can you put it to her that way, rather than by making it about what she has a responsibility to contribute? Sit her down, show her the monthly household bills so she can see what a schlep it can be to balance everything, especially if you get your own place without ever having really been shown how to manage the running costs of a home.

I thought the OP says that the SD works 22 hours a week. Not that she is 22.

YANBU. She costs money to keep. End of.

As for 'none of her friends' doing it, that's just like me being the only kid that didn't have the latest must have toy - all of my friends had X and I was left out. Now as a parent, I have a DS who was the 'only one in the year' who didn't have a Facebook account at 11, then 12, and we finally allowed it at 13 and 1 month. You've been there, too, right? Ask her mates - she's lying.

Call it a lesson in money management if you like, but really she should fork out or f* off.

Gawd. I'm sure she doesn't WANT to, I don't want to pay rent, bills, food either.

Cheeky mare.

From when I got a part time job at 14yo (still at secondary school) I was expected to contribute 18% of whatever I earnt as board.
In fairness I fecked off at 16 as my parents were nuts but I am very good with money and budgeting. :o

I agree with most of the posters above. I'm sure she doesn't want to pay for things that are currently provided for free. If she's not in education then there's no reason why she shouldn't be contributing to the household. How is she spending the rest of her time? Is she looking for more work?

Perhaps you could offer her the choice between 1/3 of the chores and financial contribution or more chores for less money. I don't suppose she'd like those options, but they might help her to wake up to the real world.

Out of interest, is living with her mother rent free an option?

farely

thats harsh at 14.

in my book if the child would be elligable to recive child benefit due to age/education status even if you dont actually get it then they shouldnt be self funding

Sock in my book if I would be eligible for child benefit if my DS hadn't dropped out of college then he can make up the shortfall

My sister only moved out of home 2 years ago when she got married (at 28). My mum and stepdad never took any money off her; indeed, they took her on expensive holidays and bought her clothes, etc. This just encouraged her to be unbelievably lazy and entitled. She dropped out of several university courses (at least 4!) even though my mum was paying her fees. She refused to get a job and, when forced to, would either quit or be so unreliable that she was fired. Eventually, my mum decided to send her abroad with my stepdad (who was posted abroad) where she lived in luxury and did nothing of any use.

I think the reality of married life hit her hard. She lives in a bedsit with her husband in a scuzzy part of the West Midlands, and she's even had to take a part time job. My mum maintains that she had to work part time because she 'couldn't cope with' working FT and needs the extra time to 'organise herself'. I think my mum still tops up her wages (although her husband doesn't know this).

Basically, my mum has just indulged my sister and created a horrible, entitled monster with little to no grasp of reality. This should be a cautionary tale.

OP: you'd be doing your SD a good turn by forcing her to live in the real world charging her some rent, and expecting that she participates in the tasks required to run a household (cooking at least twice a week, doing laundry, cleaning and tidying, etc).

If she has a PT job and isn't earning much, she should probably be asked to contribute in kind rather than in cash. How about you delegate a discrete chore or two eg all the laundry for the household (including ironing)?

I'd rather pay a quarter of my wages than do all the family washing and ironing :)

When my eldest DSis was at home and working FT, DF took £40 a week from her wages without fail. She was paid in cash each week, and came home, counted out the money then the rest was hers to play with. 2.5years later, when she went to move out, DF gave her back the equivalent of £30pw, meaning she just paid £10 for %of food etc, which meant that she had some money to start out with. My DSis always saves before buying something now without fail.

Insist on the money. If you feel that bad, give back a %when she moves. But parenting means teaching life skills, not pandering. HTH!

Children don't stop being yours at 18, but they do stop being children, at least you'd hope so. Surely it is a parent's job to bring them up to be independent? It's good for self-esteem to contribute to the household, or ought to be, and builds a sense of responsibility. And last but not least, not all of us have such a well stuffed budget that we can afford to have an adult on the premises who consumes without contributing. Perhaps SD has a lot of friends with rich parents.

Maybe, but I don't like the idea of a young person not being properly occupied. 22 hours a week of paid work isn't a purposeful existence - she needs more work!

when i had finished uni and was looking for work, i signed on and paid my parents 1/4 of my dole money.

i can't remember what i paid when I got a job, but I think it was the same proportion.

she said none of her friends paid anything and she wasnt sure if she wanted too

well she better move in with one of the friends that doesn't need to pay towards housekeeping and while she is there can she ask if I can move in to

Oh, just seen FarelyKnuts's post - er, no, paying your keep when you're still school age is not on! After full-time education/university is time enough to start paying your whack. Some time you will have to start your own thread and tell us what other mad things your parents did, I suspect it will be quite

I'd be asking for £25 a week.

wow, not sure she wants to contribute?

how the hell does she think she is going to survive?

perhaps you could be not sure you want to cook for her or buy her food.

she needs to learn to budget, run a home, cook and generally look after herself otherwise she is going to in for a nasty shock when she has to go it alone. that is not rresponsible parenting. isn't the aim to bring them up to be independent and able to look after themselves?

yanbu, at that age i had a 2 year old and my own bills to pay.

at home i used to earn £700 per month and my parent took £250

That fact that she would give such a cheeky arrogant answer indicates that she needs to join the real world and start learning to pay her way. I would definitely not let her away with that. In fact it would make me more determined to get her to pay a small amount for her upkeep.