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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have forgotten how weird baby competition is, and feel a bit like

26 replies

Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 21:26

saying, "I neither know nor care, I never feed him anyway, so I'd be amazed if he's put on any weight since birth" the next time someone (bizarrely) wishes to compare my baby's weight with their baby's weight?

My ds1 is 12, ds2 four months, and one of the few reasons (other than, you know, paying bills and that Wink ) that I'm glad to have gone back to work now is the avoidance of this kind of thing. can you tell I went to baby clinic today, for the first time since August, in case the surgery thought I should

OP posts:
FreudianLisp · 30/10/2012 21:30

Sounds annoying. I've never encountered this attitude. Glad I don't know any competitive parents.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 21:33

Yes, and it isn't just weight, it's asking when a baby first smiled, followed by "mine was at thirty nano seconds after birth" or something Wink and "does he sleep through the night? Ours doesn't, but we're sure it's because he's advanced intellectually/ours does, it's because he's so content because we fill his crib with fairies' smiles".

Disclaimer: this may be exaggeration of annoying ness ....

OP posts:
Lifeissweet · 30/10/2012 21:34

I know just what you mean. To make it worse, my ex-dh had a baby with his girlfriend 3 months after I had DD. He is mega competitive and it drives me insane. His DS is bigger, he has a tooth (DD doesn't yet), he has been trained out of his dummy, he sleeps through (due to superior parenting, obviously) and I COULDN'T CARE LESS!

My DD is 3 months older, so is crawling and standing up and babbling. Do I point this out? NO! Why? Because they are different babies at different ages and it means exactly nothing at all. What a waste of energy and breath that is!

FreudianLisp · 30/10/2012 21:35

Yeek, that sounds deeply irritating. Not everyone's like that, honest. Or maybe it's because my twins are so far behind on everything that there's really no point competing with me.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 21:37

Maybe I should say, "Well, of course, ds1 can read already!!" (Not many people at that group are aware of the age gap Grin)

OP posts:
shellshock7 · 30/10/2012 21:39

Ahgghhh I have a relative like this, started with competitive bump sizes [hconfused] and hasn't stopped since her DS was born (mine is 7m, hers 4m).

My DS is on the 98th centile and has been from a few weeks old and hers on the 25th and she STILL says hers is bigger, drives me potty, does she think im blind and above all what does it matter?! Why is bigger better!

I could write a book on how she compares them, really it's so strange, I try to keep away now tbh!

SamSmalaidh · 30/10/2012 21:39

Are you sure people aren't just making small talk? I mean, what else can you ask about babies Confused

I ask about baby's weight or when they did x, y or z - and tell people about my baby. Not because I am competing, just because what else do you talk about?

shellshock7 · 30/10/2012 21:42

YY to milestones, my DS didn't roll over for ages and hasn't a tooth yet, so of course, hers rolled out of the womb gnawing away Grin

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 21:42

Well, stuff other than this! Or even other than babies? I'd prefer the weather, or last night's tv or metaphysical poetry Wink

OP posts:
Lifeissweet · 30/10/2012 21:43

No, Sam. I would like to think it's small talk, but it really isn't - it's competition. With my ex-h it's a constant stream of comments like: 'DS makes 28 different vocal sounds? It seems that your DD only makes the same sound over and over again...hmmm...'

Or...'you look tired...is your DD keeping you awake again? Of course, DS has slept through since he was born, because we expected it of him (?! I am serious here - he said that).

It knobs me right off.

Agent64 · 30/10/2012 21:46

shellshock7 do you think she'll still be doing this in 12 years, saying her DS is 17 stone and yours is only 9 [hgrin]

HatchettOScary · 30/10/2012 21:47

And this is why I don't frequent baby groups.

shellshock7 · 30/10/2012 21:52

Ha ha agent I fear I have this forever and unfortunately hatchett this is a relative!

It's the blatant lies that get me, we tend to bump into each other at another relatives house and if everyone is full of my DS learning something new, like wavin she'll swear her DS has been doin it all the while we're there, and he really hasn't!?! And it's not as if there's any favouritism, both babies are adored by the wider family and get the same attention, as I say it started before i even given birth ha ha

shellshock7 · 30/10/2012 21:54

This has been cathartic, thanks OP Smile

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 22:00

You're welcome. And, just so you know, my ds2 wrote a novella earlier and then, after his nap, gained a distinction in his Grade 8 piano.

OP posts:
shellshock7 · 30/10/2012 22:01
Grin
Babymamaroon · 30/10/2012 22:03

Oh totally agree. I hated that aspect of being a new mum. In fact I used to just say I didn't have a clue about weight/milestones etc which shut them up a bit...

AnyaKnowIt · 30/10/2012 22:06

Oh dear, I use to have a friend like this. She stopped speaking to me after my dd was hitting her milestones before her dd was. I think the final straw was that my dd had more teeth Hmm

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 22:24

Teeth. Teeth is another one. Why are teeth seen as such an achievement? Mitt Romney has teeth, FFS.

OP posts:
maddening · 30/10/2012 22:29

Sometimes at the baby groups I think people ask just for something to say especially when it's a group where no one knows each other?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2012 22:46

I seem to have ended up with only baby parent friends who are worried about their DC's development. I think this might be because they got this cobblers from everyone else. One of them was hounded out of a baby group because of the constant, "does DD not yet?" [Sad face] [Head to one side]. It sent her potty.

Whereas I like to complain about what DD doesn't do fucking sleep, ever rather than big myself up. It's all just luck anyway. I have an eater not a sleeper. Just how the cookie crumbles.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 30/10/2012 22:55

I came to believe that my older son was one of the few people who would be totally resistant to sleep deprivation torture if ever captured by a hostile power, if it makes you feel any better, MrsTerryPratchett. The new baby (so far) sleeps through. I'm not proud of this though, that would be weird, as I'm under no illusions that it's because of anything I've done, just relieved! Grin

OP posts:
carabos · 30/10/2012 23:00

I had no idea that teeth were a "thing" until a paediatrician who examined DS2 as a baby noticed that he had 4 teeth at 20 weeks. He laughed and said that would give me "one up" at baby groups and the school gate Confused.

freddiefrog · 30/10/2012 23:04

I remember a friend being obsessed with our babies' (now 11 and nearly 11) Apgar scores (my DD is about 8 weeks older than hers - she's never really forgiven me for getting pregnant first)

She was madly competitive all through the baby days, into toddlerhood and now into pre-teen-dom. I don't see her so much these days thank god, it drove me mad.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2012 23:36