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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed when my DS asks me to 'keep hold of my two year old' - in her house!

85 replies

TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:12

I am having a rant, so forgive me but...

My DS has a 7 yr old, I have two children 6 and 2. She is having a kids halloween party tmrw, 6 yr old invited, 2 yr old not, when i said that when i drop off 6 yr old would she mind if i stay for a cup of tea? She said it was ok, (she offered to pick up my DD so that my son would not have to come into her house) but would i keep hold of him as she was making arts and crafts for the other kids to do.

I am a little Hmm tbh, it is her nephew, i am a little put out that she didn't invite him, i can understnad why - she is having other children in her house and she has others to supervise but i am upset that she hasn't asked my DS and me but i can see her point of view, although i don't agree as she is family.

But what has annoyed me is that I know she doesn't want my DS in her house, yes i know why but its not like he is hurricaine Sandy, all i have to do is give him some crayons/paper and he is happy as larry.

Am i over reacting, what do the MN jury think please.

OP posts:
larks35 · 30/10/2012 19:19

Now that I've figured out you mean DSis, I think YANBU.

I can sort of see that she has activities planned for older kids but can't understand why you and your DS weren't invited. Is there a history of him spoiling events and you not controlling him? If not, then YANBU.

Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo · 30/10/2012 19:21

I think it's her party and she can invite who she wants. If she's doing complicated crafts with 6 yr olds, it's not unreasonable not to want an over-excited 2yr old around the place. You seem to think that family means an automatic invite however age inappropriate. YABU.

PurplePidjInAPointyHat · 30/10/2012 19:24

Yanbu, how rude!

Kids should be treated equally, either your family is welcome or not. If she had a massive problem with how your dc behave, your 6yo wouldn't be invited unsupervised so I assume your 2yo isn't an unsupervised, undisciplined nightmare?

Original poster
TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:25

I think what upet me more was that when I suggested staying for a cup of tea, so about 15-20 min she would rather I didn't, it's not like I expected to stay for the whole 3 hours or so that she is having these children over.

And no, my child does not have a history of spoiling parties, as I said, he is happy with crayons/paper or watching something on my Iphone.

OP posts:
olibeansmummy · 30/10/2012 19:26

YADNBU

Original poster
TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:26

Purple, my child has been invited unsupervised, I was not expected to stay to look after her. She said I could stay for longer if DS was in nursary, thereby not being in her house.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:27

My older child, I should say

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 30/10/2012 19:27

I think I would not be going around there any more. OBviously your older child is going to the party now, but I wouldn't accept any more invites.

Sirzy · 30/10/2012 19:27

I wouldn't want someone nipping in for a cup of tea as i was organising a party to be fair.

If she was telling you to never bring him round that would be unreasonable but I don't think wanting a party for 6 and 7 year olds to stay that way is a lot to ask TBH.

SJisontheway · 30/10/2012 19:28

Complicated crafts with lots of bits and pieces and 2 year olds really aren't a great combination. My 2 year old would go mad if I tried to keep him away from the crafts and gave him boring crayons instead. Are you sure you've thought this through?

Original poster
TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:29

But I'm her sister, so not just anyone surely.

I'm just feeling a little put out.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/10/2012 19:32

Sister or not some times are inconvenient to drop in for a cuppa and some activities aren't suitable for a 2 year old.

AgentZigzag · 30/10/2012 19:32

She's talking as though you let your DS run riot round her house.

It's a bit shitty to exclude a 2 YO when the mum has said they'll be there.

Has she had trouble with someone elses 2 YO and is tarring you with the same brush?

What's she like with your youngest normally?

aldiwhore · 30/10/2012 19:33

YANBU to be a bit miffed, this is your precious child and her nephew in question.

However, my boys are 9 and 5, and frankly, though they love each other, sometimes the eldest wants his own space (not the youngest, he wants everyone else's) and though I am a 'present' mum, with family I do take my eye off the ball, enforcing my siblings to step up and be Aunty/Uncle every so often, with all the limited responsibility that it involves.

So, YABU to create an issue over this, even if it stings, even if you'd just like a coffee with your sis, even though your youngest is wonderful and loved.

Your sis has a party 'vision' - pick your dd up early, when your sis will probably be glad to see you and not care about the 'complicated crafts' )just WTF is she doing?? Tell her she's U, grin, give her a hug, go to the park with your DS, or make a pumpkin with him, or better, make Aunty DSis a card that says (in your ds's scrawl) that he loves her and hope she had a lovely party)

AmberLeaf · 30/10/2012 19:35

She sounds mean.

AmberLeaf · 30/10/2012 19:35

...and a crafty halloween party sounds shit! [hgrin]

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/10/2012 19:36

are you the kind of sister who would make her own tea and clear it up, or would she have to entertain you by making you tea and chat to you for 15 mins while running a party for older ones?

I totally see how its fair enough to have an older kids only party, if you have all ages you have to limit some of the acitivites so they are suitable for all

PurplePidjInAPointyHat · 30/10/2012 19:36

That was supposed to be my point. If she had an issue with your parenting, she wouldn't be willing to take responsibility for your older dc!

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/10/2012 19:40

I'd say the opposite to purple actually, if you were the kind of family that would be helpful and useful at a party I'ld be begging you to stay and help, even with others in tow.

She obv thinks you would be an extra couple of people to entertain/mind/watch rather than an extra pair of hands

Loshad · 30/10/2012 19:41

i think YABU, 2 year olds and crafts don't mix very well, particularly at parties. Your 2 dc are not joined at the hip, and it is perfectly ok to invite one child and not the other. Hard on your older child if you are always going to take the hump and be difficult if she is the only one invited.

HeathRobinson · 30/10/2012 19:41

YABU. Is it so wrong to just do something for older children?

MisForMumNotMaid · 30/10/2012 19:41

Could you not stay for a cup of something at the end instead? That way your DS would no doubt be welcome to run around or sit quietly with his crayons and the 6 and 7 year olds could be 6 and 7 without having to watch what they drop or where they step because of a little one Running around.

I think you're over thinking this. Your sis is entitled to have a party for 6 year olds. Your child of that age is included. You and your son won't be convenient visitors whilst a group of 6 year olds are being entertained. She's going to have other things to do than make tea for you and juice for your DS.

Birdsgottafly · 30/10/2012 19:43

It sounds as though she has put a lot of thought into thisparty for her DS's peer group.

All she wants to do is be allowed to get on with it and not have to sit and drink tea whilst the kids pull apart the craft materials for what she has planned.

I think that you are over thinking things and need to respect that she is perfectly entitled to do this. It is you that is creating an unnecessary problem for her.

Your youngest is to little to fit into organised age appropriate activities for 6 and above year olds.

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo · 30/10/2012 19:45

I think you're a bit cheeky staying for a cup of tea.
Maybe she just wanted to get on with the party, not have you hovering around.

apostropheuse · 30/10/2012 19:46

Maybe her 7 year old doesn't want your 2 year old there because your 2 year old is a "baby" and he sees himself as a big boy. Your 6 year old is obviously a big girl!

It could be something as innocent as that. Nothing to do with your younger child being unwanted as such - more to do with the fact that he's much younger than the other children who will be there.

It's probably not worth getting bothered about.