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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed when my DS asks me to 'keep hold of my two year old' - in her house!

85 replies

TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:12

I am having a rant, so forgive me but...

My DS has a 7 yr old, I have two children 6 and 2. She is having a kids halloween party tmrw, 6 yr old invited, 2 yr old not, when i said that when i drop off 6 yr old would she mind if i stay for a cup of tea? She said it was ok, (she offered to pick up my DD so that my son would not have to come into her house) but would i keep hold of him as she was making arts and crafts for the other kids to do.

I am a little tbh, it is her nephew, i am a little put out that she didn't invite him, i can understnad why - she is having other children in her house and she has others to supervise but i am upset that she hasn't asked my DS and me but i can see her point of view, although i don't agree as she is family.

But what has annoyed me is that I know she doesn't want my DS in her house, yes i know why but its not like he is hurricaine Sandy, all i have to do is give him some crayons/paper and he is happy as larry.

Am i over reacting, what do the MN jury think please.

OP posts:

Fakebook · 31/10/2012 08:21

Yanbu! Your dsis sounds like a mean cow! If that was our family, everyone would have been invited; gp's, babies and great aunt mildred. How could a 2 year old ruin a party? I think your dsis has forgotten what it's like to have a toddler.

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo · 31/10/2012 08:30

I think your dsis remembers all too well what it was like to be a toddler
don't understand this "lets invite all the family to everything" malarkey.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 31/10/2012 08:59

There's a difference between a family party and a bunch of similar aged children coming to play. This is obviously the latter. You are being very unreasonable!!!! Let you older one go and have a lovely time!

cory · 31/10/2012 09:07

Fakebook, do you really mean that great-aunt Mildred gets invited to teen parties in your family? Fascinating- and must be highly educational for auntie Mildred. Unless she's one of those racy great-aunts with a Past (and possibly a Present)- in which case it will be educational for the younger generation...

I think many of us had these ideas of how our children's social life would be managed- and then our children started growing and we realised they had ideas of their own.

Cahoots · 31/10/2012 09:10

I can see why you feel slighted but I can see her point of view too. She probably wants to concentrate on the other older DC's and even non bouncy 2 year olds could easily get in the way at a craft party for older DC's. I would also not want people dropping by for coffees at the beginning of the party.

I would just drop off your older child and scoot off home and not give it. A moments more thought.

halcyondays · 31/10/2012 09:15

Yanbu, why couldn't she have invited both of them, but asked you to say so you could supervise your ds? It seems mean to leave him out.

Yes, most of the other kids will be older, doing crafts, etc, but if she had a 2 year old of her own, then presumably she would have found a way to include him in the party.

WelshMaenad · 31/10/2012 09:28

YANBU. It wouldn't be that taxing to provide alternate craft activities for a toddler. I have a six and a two year old and manage to entertain them simultaneously!

What is she teaching the other kids, that its ok to exclude people who are inconvenient, that the 'perfect party atmosphere' is more important than family? It's a fucking Halloween get together for christ's sake, not the royal pissing wedding.

I would be a bit hurt as well OP, and would be declining future invites unless she managed to include both of your kids.

GrendelsMum · 31/10/2012 09:39

We run a lot of craft activities at work, and with the best will in the world, it is very difficult when people bring their toddlers to an event which is intended for children at upper primary. At worst, when parents have got too caught up in the actual event and stopped supervising their toddler, we have had one or two situations which are positively dangerous. It actually puts us off doing certain sorts of events, as you can't rely on parents bringing children with the appropriate motor skills and listening skills for the activity at hand.

It's not that your sister doesn't love your younger child as much as your older child - its that she has planned something for a particular age group and wants to see it go well.

pictish · 31/10/2012 09:51

Yabu. Some people find throwing these kiddy affairs stressful. I'm having a wee Halloween party tonight - only 10 children, and I am up to high hoolie about it all.
If I'm being totally honest, I probably wouldn't want anyone not included in my party plan hanging around with extra kids. Even family. It's an extra consideration, and no dount she'll have it all planned to a tee.

Don't take it personally and make a fuss. It's almost certainly nothing against you or your little one...rather that she has a plan to stick to, and wants to keep it that way - and that is ok. Don't make it about you, and your perceived rejection of your child. It won't be like that at all. She is throwing a party for children of a specified age, so on this occasion your wee one isn't included.
Chill out.

mummytime · 31/10/2012 10:05

Some people here are very judgey.
There are two kinds of parties: ones for the family, and ones for friends. Some people I know run both for birthdays etc. OPs oldest is old enough to fit in with a friends party, it was nice they were invited and maybe the cousins are even close enough to enjoy each other's company.
However if I was running a party for a group of 6/7 year olds I would not welcome: extra non-helping adults or toddlers. Your sister might not have wanted to offend by saying "I'd rather you buggered off actually", but as you wouldn't be mucking in and helping (but at best distracted by your own little one), I'm sure this is what she would have preferred.

Yes family parties are great, and chaotic, and its nice to ask everyone, but kids parties are a whole different occasion (and quite stressful enough without stray adults or toddlers).

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams · 31/10/2012 10:07

So your DSis is having a Hallowe'en party for her DS & his friends - one that it sounds as if she's put a lot of effort into and which isn't a family event - and has kindly invited her elder DN since he's the right age. That's nice of her.

There will be birthday parties or trips out in the future where it might simply not be possible to include a child 5 years younger. You're not going to get an 8 year old into a 12 film, for instance. Would you rather she just invited your oldest to those or didn't invite either of your kids? Because I think she might find that simpler next time.

2rebecca · 31/10/2012 10:09

I don't think it seems mean to leave the toddler out. She's holding a party for 6 year olds, it isn't a family party. She isn't excluding this particular toddler but all toddlers. I don't see what difference it makes that he is her nephew.
If the OP wants to hold a party that includes all ages she is free to do so.
Her sister should be able to have a party for whoever she wants without her extended family gatecrashing it.
I think it's sad she isn't being more supportive of her sister and making her life easier by staying away.

pictish · 31/10/2012 10:23

There's a sense of entitlement from the OP - and I don't mean that in a dramatic way, it's just there.

I think the sister should be allowed to throw a party for her child's friends with a clear conscience, without feeling obliged to anyone.
We all need that sort of liberty. The OP isn't involved in this part of her sister's life, and that's fine and dandy. If anything, a good sister will see it for what it is, and just wish her luck.

Jusfloatingby · 31/10/2012 11:14

YABU. Your ds is organising a party for older children and doesn't really want a toddler running around in the middle of it, especially when she's organising arts and crafts that will probably involve paint and glue and other sticky substances.
She even offered to come and collect dd, so I would take the hint.

nemno · 31/10/2012 11:29

YABU Your sister is trying to accommodate you when it is totally clear that she (or her DC) wants to throw an unaccompanied children's party. Which is a totally reasonable thing to want.

MrsCantSayAnything · 31/10/2012 11:37

Mean mean mean. YANBU. My friend has had her 2 year old excluded from a party too! They are coming to me instead and will have a better time.

You give DS a fun time at home and bugger your sister. What a meanie!

MrsCantSayAnything · 31/10/2012 11:38

I think it is incredibly precious of the sister....a party is a party ffs! Kids run about anyway. If she imagines the older ones won't want to dress up and run about being scary etc then she's being daft.

Happylander · 31/10/2012 11:45

I wouldn't assume that my nieces want my DS at there party and I certainly would not get in the way of someone organising a party by having a cuppa when they need to be getting on with things.

I would not take it personally and I do think YABU and a bit precious

2rebecca · 31/10/2012 12:37

I think all this talk of excluding 2 year olds is twaddle. I haven't been invited to this party either, does that mean I have been "excluded"?
Excluding is when someone has deliberately invited everyone else but the excluded one, so if this sister had invited lots of other 2 year olds, and other family ages but not this 2 year old then he would have been excluded and his mother have cause to feel aggrieved. (Although if it was my 2 year old I'd be questioning my parenting skills if I had turned out a kid other people didn't want to be with).
This 2 year old is one of many people not invited to this party, the only people invited are a handful of 6 year olds.
If some people go around feeling they have been excluded from all events that they have not been invited to then they must spend most of their lives having unnecessary strops.

KittyFane1 · 31/10/2012 12:46

YABU. Your sister has organised a party for 6/7 year olds, she has invited your DD. She has not invited younger siblings because the party activities are not suitable for them. I don't see the problem with any of that.

MadBanners · 31/10/2012 12:58

Yabu.

She offered to collect your 6 year old, you declined, then invite yourself in for a cup of tea, when she is going to be trying to organize a bunch of 6/7 year olds to do crafty things,and asks you to keep hold of the 2 year old! Do not see a problem with that tbh.

As much as I love my family, I have had to ask them to leave before, Dh brother and his family used to have a habit of coming round at dinner time then sitting their watching us eat! Family or not, you can get in the way.

Tbh you sound a bit whiny and i get the feeling you would want entertaining otherwise why bother staying, (unless you have had to drive 100 miles or something at which point I may well change my opinion), and it does not matter if you are sisters, it is a drop and run situation!

cumfy · 31/10/2012 15:02

Hope you find out what her concerns are when you get there.

Are you turning up early or at invite time ?

Original poster

TeaDr1nker · 31/10/2012 22:59

Well I dropped of DD, my Dsis then said 'you can stay if you want'.

I didn't, as most of you pointed out the party was for older children so I didn't want DS to get in the way so I made other plans for my son.

OP posts:

pictish · 31/10/2012 23:01

Did you do it huffily and pointedly, and flick your hair?

Original poster

TeaDr1nker · 31/10/2012 23:05

Probably, I just dropped and ran.

Then got a text from Dsis as to why I dropped and ran - can't win can I.

OP posts:

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