Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be annoyed when my DS asks me to 'keep hold of my two year old' - in her house!

85 replies

TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 19:12

I am having a rant, so forgive me but...

My DS has a 7 yr old, I have two children 6 and 2. She is having a kids halloween party tmrw, 6 yr old invited, 2 yr old not, when i said that when i drop off 6 yr old would she mind if i stay for a cup of tea? She said it was ok, (she offered to pick up my DD so that my son would not have to come into her house) but would i keep hold of him as she was making arts and crafts for the other kids to do.

I am a little tbh, it is her nephew, i am a little put out that she didn't invite him, i can understnad why - she is having other children in her house and she has others to supervise but i am upset that she hasn't asked my DS and me but i can see her point of view, although i don't agree as she is family.

But what has annoyed me is that I know she doesn't want my DS in her house, yes i know why but its not like he is hurricaine Sandy, all i have to do is give him some crayons/paper and he is happy as larry.

Am i over reacting, what do the MN jury think please.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 30/10/2012 19:49

YABU. The party is for older children and doesn't sound suitable for a 2 year old. I know you are her sister but she'll be very busy and won't have time to sit down with you for a cup of tea or supervise your 2 year old. It's not unusual to invite one cousin and not the younger one. When we had parties for our children we would often invite my brother's 2 eldest and not the younger ones and he would do the same.

AnyoneforTurps · 30/10/2012 19:53

YABU. If I had a hoard of 6 year olds to supervise, the last thing I would want is someone inviting herself in for a cup of tea and bringing a 2 year old, however well behaved. Your Dsis wants to make the party perfect for her 7 yo and instead you are demanding that she pays attention to you, just when the party is getting started. You sound needy and insensitive- did you not get the hint when she offered to pick up your DD?

I find it ironic that you are whinging that your Dsis doesn't want to see her nephew (your DS), yet you are quite happy to gatecrash your own niece's party and compete with her for your Dsis' attention. Sounds like someone needs to grow up - and it's not the 7 year old.

MidniteScribbler · 30/10/2012 19:57

You and the 2 year old aren't invited. End of subject. Her party, her choice. If this weren't your sister and your older child had been invited to a party would you expect to show up with your 2 year old, let them get in the middle of everything and sit around drinking tea while the parent tries to entertain you and the children? YABU.

miaowmix · 30/10/2012 19:59

yabu and entitled and am afraid I agree with your sister.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/10/2012 20:04

I think yabvu. It's really cheeky of you to have asked to stay for a cup of tea when you know she's trying to sort a party for a bunch of 7 year olds.

Maybe you think your ds is happy with crayons and paper, but there must be some reason why your dsis would prefer him not to be there. As its her house and her party, it's also her prerogative.

Your reference to hurricane Sandy has just made me feel sick. This isn't a disaster that happened 100 years ago. People are living the horror of that hurricane right now while all you are worrying about is a Halloween party. Perhaps you should think before you type.

Original poster

TeaDr1nker · 30/10/2012 20:10

I guess I think differently, it's my sister but thankyou for letting me see a different point of view. I would see no problem in her staying if the tables were turned.

OP posts:

StarsGhostTail · 30/10/2012 20:10

sorry, generally I'm all in favour of including siblings, but 2Y and 6-7y crafts do not mix.

Nor have I ever met a two year old who will colour for more than 30 seconds if there is glitter, sequins or food lying about.

DD2 would manage 29.9 sec of keeping out of trouble. DD1 about 0.1 sec on a good day.

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 30/10/2012 20:16

Of course yabvu, why are you trying to hijack a childrens halloween party? This isn't about you, it's about your sister wanting to provide her child and childs friends with a fun party. You and your two year old aren't invited and she obviously doesn't want you there as she has tried to make clear with very strong hints; offering to pick your child up etc... Stop trying to impose on her, you are making yourself unwanted by inflicting yourself on her at the most inappropriate time despite polite requests/hints not to. There is nothing more annoying than people like that.

Learning70 · 30/10/2012 20:52

Tbh I would take her up on offer to collect your dd, then you won't be in the position of your two year old seeing the party and being upset when you leave. It's fair enough, she is going to be busy looking after other peeps kids and doesn't want to be faffed with entertaining you and your lo. I wouldn't take it personally ...

Whoknowswhocares · 30/10/2012 21:49

She has plenty to do without making tea for people who invite themselves! I think you are being a bit cheeky there tbh.

As for leaving out the 2 year old, I suspect it is a simple case of the activities and party not being suitable for one so young. Don't read anything more sinister into it.

SamSmalaidh · 30/10/2012 21:54

YABU - she's trying to organise a party for older children and you seem to be trying to make it all about you.

You know it's not suitable for your 2 year old, you know they haven't been invited, so why are you insisting on staying for a cup of tea - it's like you want to engineer an argument?

Just let your sister enjoy the party!

maybenow · 30/10/2012 22:00

it sounds to me like there will be craft stuff around (scissors, beads) that 7 yr olds can work with but a 2 yo would either choke on or cut themselves on.

if i had a bunch of 7yr olds doing craft i would not want them to have to only do things with pieces suitable for safe handling by under3s.

Campari · 30/10/2012 23:17

aldiwhore
I was all set to say that the OP was being unreasonable, and her sister had every right not to invite the 2 yo, as he would probably get in the way & spoil the fun. I have always had quite strict views like this & have not invited my sister's kid who has adhd for the same reason.

However, after reading your suggestion of carving pumpkins & writing the card wishing she had a good party, Im afraid I welled up with tears...and felt very ashamed of myself. You are so right, and I think I will reassess my views from now on.

GingerBlondecat · 31/10/2012 03:29

I'm on your Sister's side.

She put a lot of effort into a party for an age group that Does NOT include your DS.

You accepted the invite on your DD's behalf, (an invite is not a summons) so therefore you also accepted her terms on conditions on the party too.

Then to invite yourself and DS for a cup of tea, when she wasn't prepared for it? Really ??

She gave you a concession, hold DS.

2 year old and 7 years old are miles apart in abilities. For what ever it was she had planned for the party, she felt it 'Unsafe' for your DS to participate.

Does your poor DD get to go 'anywhere' without you and DS. Is she always stuck with you hangers on.

I've worked with children of all ages, usually all together and no matter how 'easy' you think DS is, it's not the same as a 6-7 year old. And often the younger one wants IN on all the fun, pestering the older sibling.

Your dear Sister was just trying to do right.

YABU

musicalendorphins · 31/10/2012 05:13

TeaDr1nker, I can see your feelings are hurt, I'm sorry. I think timing would be better afterwards, once the party is over. It just isn't a convenient time to expect her to sit and visit with you. Probably afterwards she will be less stressed and be glad to have you visit. I don't think it is personal against her nephew or yourself, just that the timing is not good for her.

Some people get stressed out easily when hosting anything, and some are go with the flow type. I think you must be a go with the flow type and your sister is a by the book type?
You have a nice time with your little guy and try and forgive your sister, I don't think she means any harm.

ENormaSnob · 31/10/2012 05:20

Yabu

TheBolter · 31/10/2012 05:44

Your sister is totally in the right here. Birthday parties are really stressful, I couldn't wait until my dds were of an age where their friends could be left for me to get on with parties on my own. Having adults and toddlers hanging around, getting in the way doubled the stress in my opinion. Your dsis is probably stressing out enough knowing she has to manage crafts for a bunch of 6-7 year olds without having to ensure you and your ds are ok.

I'm actually a bit of a people pleaser and like to give guests my full attention, without being interrupted, as i hate just leaving guests to 'get on with it' even if they are close family. I can imagine your sister might be the same, and is worried by the fact she may not be able to look after any of you.

2rebecca · 31/10/2012 06:18

I think you were rude inviting yourself round for a cup of tea at a busy time. If she's got loads of party preps to do she'll be quite stressed and not sociable. You have a toddler in toe so aren't going to be able to help her.
If your 2 year old really was no trouble and well behaved then you wouldn't be feeling that being asked to hold him was such a big deal.
I would take up her offer of her picking up the older boy.
There's a time for sisterly chats over a cup of coffee, it isn't just before a 6 year old's party. You suggested a coffee and a chat, it's clearly not convenient, don't take it personally just back off and find something of your own to do with your toddler. She's not refusing because she doesn't like you or your toddler, she's trying to dissuade you from coming because she will be busy and stressed.

Goldenjubilee10 · 31/10/2012 06:19

Your sister is having a party for 6/7 year olds and has invited your dd. She has even offered to pick her up. Your ds has not been invited as he is too young for this sort of party and, I presume, she wants to give her attention to the entertainment she has prepared for the invitees. YABU to expect to be invited or to invite yourselves. If I were your dsis I wouldn't include your daughter in future (less bother) and just ask my child's friends.

Why don't you let her collect your dd and do something nice with your ds. You could invite your dsis for tea another time.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 31/10/2012 06:21

YABU - she's got a lot on her plate...don't hold it against her or take it personally.

It's why she offered to collect DD.

toomanydaisies · 31/10/2012 06:22

Yabu. In my very humble opinion.

Just before a children's party I would NOT want to have a cup of tea. With anyone. And I wouldn't want a 2 yo around either if there are craft activities laid out.

Don't understand why you're taking it so badly. Try thinking it through from her perspective?

SunflowersSmile · 31/10/2012 06:25

My 3 year old would be a complete pain in the bum if his brother was doing arts and crafts at a party and he was not allowed to. Squeals and tantrums galore as he would want to join in with the big children. I would not want the stress as his mother to be at the party.
Go to cafe with 2 year old and let your older child have his own time.
As someone else has said maybe come near end when [hopefully] craft stuff will be completed.

exoticfruits · 31/10/2012 06:29

I can't see a problem- just drop off the older one and it is an opportunity to give individual attention to your younger. 2 year olds and lots of craft bits don't mix and it is not the time to be wanting to drink tea and chat.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 31/10/2012 06:34

There may also be the issue that your DSis has already had other parents asking if younger siblings can also come despite not being on the invite (yes, this happens apparently) and has said no, so for you to then bring your son, family or not, puts her in an awkward position.

I also have a 2 yo and however easy going he is, if there's big kid stuff going on, he wants in on it, and normally not in a very constructive way. I can see your sister's point on this one and I'm pretty sure it's not personal- it's just that a 2yo does change the dynamic.

cory · 31/10/2012 08:15

I think you will find that when he is 10, he won't get invited to the cousin's teen parties either. The conversation won't be appropriate for a start...

There are two kinds of socialising: your family get-togethers and your social life, when you invite people you get on with as equals and do things that suit your age and interests. Your sister's 7yo is getting to an age where s/he is feeling the need to have a social life as well as enjoying the extended family. Is there anything wrong with that? Would you really feel you had include a loved great-aunt on your nights out with your best friends? Does your dh feel he has to invite his uncles/cousins/FIL when he goes to the pub with his mates? And if you don't- how can you be so disloyal towards family? (answer: probably quite easily).

As your youngest grows older, you will find it cuts both ways: he will want his own parties with his friends and not be forced to invite older cousins however much he loves them. It's known as growing up.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread