To think you should stay out of other people's bedrooms

[Alligatorpie]

pil's were just visiting ( for 10 days) and I lost track of the times FIL came into my bedroom. He normally has a problem with boundaries, and after being with dh for 15 years, i am used to it.

Either I was in there, or the dc's were, so to my knowledge he doesn't go in there alone, he doesn't snoop around, he just talks to whoever is in there.

But I would never go into another adults bedroom - we stayed at pil's house for six weeks and I don't think I ever went in their bedroom.

AIBU to think you should respect some spaces in other people's houses? Or is this normal behavior? and no , I didn't confront him.

If he didn't have dick then this thread wouldn't be like this.

It's ok to be sexist towards a man but not a woman?

People are twats if they think that. So much for equality!

Of course you can find it amusing.

Like others can find it offensive.

The pearl clutching thing is very tired.
I presume it's meant to suggest a prim humourless women who is easily shocked?

People can be offended by something without falling into this category.

Actually I think if a woman referred to 'angry fucking' I'd feel just as 'jarred' as I did. And anyway, when I first read the comment I didn't even realise it was a male poster, that was only mentioned a few posts down.

And I don't think it's sexist to expect a man to show a little bit of sensitivity and respect when it comes to issues that typically revolve around the abuse of women by men.

I really don't get the culture of MN sometimes. On the one hand we have the whole 'I believe you' campaign; the excellent Relationships board; the affirmation of women who are not sure that they've been raped because it wasn't 'classic stranger in an alleyway rape' that yes, you WERE raped as you did not consent; the whole awareness raising that emotional abuse is as damaging as violence; that EA includes gaslighting, anger, pressure to have sex etc and YET numerous posters attempt to downplay and belittle someone's unease and feelings of offence at the phrase 'angry fucking'.

Utterly bizarre. And when others also say that it made us uncomfortable we're metaphorically pounced on too.

The phrase 'angry fucking' denotes sex used as a tool to express anger and having sex with someone who is angry. If you've lost your temper then go and fuck a woman. Not especially healthy and if someone posted in Relationships that their partner always wanted to 'fuck' them when angry then I think we all know what the response would be.

That's why some of us found the phrase 'jarring' and were uncomfortable that the phrase came out of the blue. When someone tells you what they're like, believe them.

Mrs Cs original offense, for which she was attacked, was not to do with him being a man. It was just the term.

Ed brought the gender issue in.

I think actually there is a difference in how careful men have to be in suggesting sexual violence in a jokey way vs women doing this. Both would be distasteful, but as men are the historical perpetuators of domestic and sexual violence against women there are more sinister an intimidating overtones when men appear to find this amusing.

Just like there would be a differnce if a man grabbed your tits for a joke vs a women for a joke. Both would be assault and unpleasant but most women would find it worse if a man did it as it would have overtones of the serious nature of many sexual attacks on women., and highlights vulnerability to such events.

That's how Trinny and Susannah got away with that shtick for so long but Gok would not have done. There is a difference in the level of joking around that can be tolerated amongst women but becomes more sinister if a man tries it.

Just like Jewish/black/welsh people can get away with a level of self deprecatary banter that would be intolerable if the same terms were used by a person outside that group.

He was talking about a fucking hulk strap on! Getting offended about a joke about a green strap on is fucking weird tbh.

A strap on is likely to be used on a man!

It has been said on the thread that ts only offensive as it was a man who said it! That is sexism.

I've been in relationships like you meantioned and have been sexually assaulted but I still don't understand how it would be ok if a woman had said it!

He apologised to and yet people still weren't happy with it.

Fair enough be offended but once there's an apology and a explanation why did people still go on at him?

If your going to be offended by a joke then the sex of the person saying it shouldn't matter. The joke is still the same. I'd understand if he said he was going to do some angry fucking or something along those lines but he didn't.

Actually did Gok grab tits? He may be a male exception in that...try Dermot Oleary as a comparison instead.

Not exactly the same but, the difference between male and female jokey tit grabbing should be fairly obvious I'd have thought.

For crying out loud it's like talking to my 5 yr old.

If he had said he personally was going to go an angry fuck someone I would understand this. He didn't! It was a joke about a fictional comic book character and green strap ons!

70s DJ?

In light of current news events you might want to choose your words more carefully ohsiena, that could be rather misconstrued...

Hmm, parallel much?

Tit grabbing? that's nothing to do with a joke about a huge green comic book character.

Deady didn't go round the thread tit grabbing.

If deady had turned round and said I'm a woman actually then nothing would have come of it. Having a dick doesn't make you sexually violent. Been sexually violent makes you that

I think the dj comment was a step too far tbh. It's very hurtful and given that you have no knowledge if beardy or his family in RL it could be extremely upsetting.

I ignored the 70's DJ comment as I hoped that she wasn't talking about that.

Yes deadfairies I know what the joke was about.

It had in a term which some found distasteful. You didn't, some did.

Some people think men need to be more careful to being perceived as finding sexual violence amusing, and a women would have slightly more leeway as she is within the vulnerable group so freer to make in jokes at their own expense. Some think it makes no odds.

You could keep explaining to me how Some of Frankie Boyles jokes work, but I still wouldn't like manyof them ,some people find him hilarious and would accuse me of clutching my pearls there too.

Humour is very subjective your correct, however in polite society if someone apologise for causing offence this is accepted and the matter is dropped or maybe I'm from another planet for thinking this?

It's all this all men are rapists and sexual deviants shit that's caused this.

Grow a fanjo deady

Can I point out the mn logo. "by parents for parents" not "by parents for women"

Im referring to revelations by Liz Kershaw where she had her tits grabbed on air at Radio 1, and she described a culture of women having to take the 'jokes' or being accused of the equivalent at the time of pearl clutching. Which then was probably frigidity.

I don't know who it was who did that to her, but Beardys continued tone of I'm just a cheeky chap having a laugh what you getting so upset about reminds me of this culture. It's one I'd have thought most men would be pretty sensitive to nowadays and would tread very carefully if any women was finding their language disturbing.

Tit grabbing was an analogy (thought that would have been onbious) to show there are different standards for men and women with the level of jokey sexual references they can get away with. I think men do also need to be more careful with the sexual language they use as it can easily portray sinister overtones which I'm sure most want to avoid.

Oh.

Just two things to add that I haven't said before.

1. I suggested starting a new thread in good faith as you said you were genuinely interested in having a discussion from a feminist perspective about what jokes men could make, people belittling others offence and that type of thing. It's clearly not going to happen here this thread is too personal and it's become heated. Of course that's up to you.

I still feel that you and Halloween began to goad last night in the hopes of rising hackles and starting an argument.

If I was a regular feminist poster I would find that a bit annoying, but I'm not so of anyone wants to disagree that's fine.

2. I'd be fucking livid if anyone grabbed my tits.

I see your point about the tit grabbing.

I don't however think this is a fair comparison.

I'd honestly be grateful for a tit grab, its been a long time

In all serious this thread as turned into bullshit. Women can be sexually violent as can men.

Women make jokes about men as men make jokes about women. Jokes don't fuss me.

Not all men are sexual deviants out for a tit grab and a angry fuck. Some men maybe but some women too.

It's the whole people with ducks aren't allowed to make jokes about sex as they are all raping, violating beasts which isn't true.

People with ducks may make jokes if they wish. It was meant to say dicks**

Our duck is terrible for making jokes sp

Yes he apologised but the debate continued as it does on MN.

And mostly continued by those attcaking MrsC for taking offnse anyway with the it's a joke, you don't get it, you've nonsense of humour, type arguments.

I didn't really have a problem with Beardy till he came back with his banter which seemed inappropriate, I thought it was inadvertent offense. My problem was with the isolation of MrsC and Ed for finding anything distasteful in the words angry and fucking together.

My problem was the sexism. It was also no one acknowledging the apology.

What's wrong with banter? I really don't get it. All this is because he is male.

If I'd have said it then it would have been fine as I own a fanjo. I don't understand why gender matters when a joke it told.

Tit grabbing not a great comparison granted, as obviously much worse than intimating sexual language, but you get my point about different levels of caution needed by men and women?

I don't want to start a new thread (as I've said over and over) as I want to leave this one and certainly don't want any feeling of responsibility for another discussion which I would let eat into my day.